Just a few years ago, @poyoloko was a guy who was going places. Born in Busia to a whorish mother and an absentee father, poyoloko must have been so deeply affected by his close experience with whoredom and poverty that he vowed to himself, “One day, I, poyoloko, will work hard enough to rise out of the poverty that spawned me.”
There was a time when @poyoloko almost had a future he could be proud of, a future where he didn’t have to masturbate into tattered old socks. Poyoloko was once an uber driver. Taxi drivers go on to big things. Some of them even become Members of Parliament ( i.e oscar sudi). As an uber driver, poyoloko could have become anything or anyone, like his fellow drivers.
But alas, Covid-19 came and the uber company decided to reduce its workforce. Among the people who got laid off was our very own @poyoloko. And so poyoloko’s bright future went over a darkened cliff. With no job, no children, and no future, the only bright spot in his bleak and barren life was his wife, Josephine.
Unbeknownst to poyoloko, Josephine was beginning to conceive such a violent dislike of her husband, that even sharing a room caused her haemorrhage. She hated the way he’d smoke a cigarette in bed, often falling asleep and burning a hole in the blanket. One day she could take it no more. “Hebu toka nje nibadilishe nguo!” she snapped at him.
These days @poyoloko fritters away most of his days trolling the internet and masturbating into an old sock.