The Joys Of Multihandling

Me: Hi, my name is Captain Obvious and I’m a multihandler…
Talkers: Hi @captain obvious

Oh, no, I’m not seeking an intervention. On the contrary my friends. I enjoy multihandling. I heard it’s against the rules? Not so sure, but one thing I’m sure of is that if Kenyatalk enforced this rule strictly, the number of active talkers would immediately reduce by half. The number of registered talkers would also reduce by a whopping 70%. If you know a thing or two about online forums, thousands of bots sign up and then proceed to do zero in terms of engagement. That’s why on a forum such as this one with nearly 30,000 members, it’s always the same 20 to 100 “notorious” ones posting threads, commenting and liking stuff. Out of the 30k members, I can authoritatively state that the number of actual, human talkers is not more than 1000.

Anyway, back to multihandling. One thing I enjoy about it is the ability to have a different character, depending on your handle. With one handle, this character could be a fisi, sex addict, political analyst/sycophant, religious freak etc while with the other one it could be a completely opposite character. So don’t be too surprised the day you find out that @Mtombi hodari = @Liberty.

Another thing I enjoy is finding out just how shallow talkers are by the way they treat my various handles. I’ll give you an example. During the election period, I had 2 “political” handles that are now in semi-retirement maybe till 2020-2021. One was rabidly pro-CORD, while the other was fanatically pro-Jubilee. Depending on the political topic being discussed, I would unleash one or both of my handles. Sometimes you’d have a pro-jubilee talker heaping praises on my pro-jubilee handle, while unleashing serious insults against my pro-cord handle…and vice versa. That little social experiment made me realize how most of you are nothing but vichwa malenge. This doesn’t just apply to politics though. Some of you fuckers rush to block this particular handle, while remaining on good terms with another one. Vichwa malenge kabisa.

I’ve gotten so good at this multihandling business, that at times I wish someone would expose me. To that end, sometimes I comment with more that one handle on the same thread. It feels good when both handles receive notifications concerning the same thread, with the possibility that I might respond to a comment or mention with the wrong one. The adrenaline rush is amazing, I’ll have you know. I think I’ll start making “riskier” decisions, like ktalking while shitfaced. That way the chances of getting exposed will most certainly rise.

To complete this post on a positive note, I’ll quote a great philosopher. I believe it was Confucious who said “You haven’t really lived until you’ve been a multi-handler on Kenyatalk.”. I’m not sure those were his exact words, but it was something along those lines.

Finally, some music to encourage anyone reading this, who might be feeling down in the dumps. I’ve personally adopted this song as the theme song for my dick, and it has done wonders. Though you can use it for any situation.


Personally i have a second handle but i have never used it…

Try it, it feels good. Just don’t let it be a pink handle, hiyo ni kiriminoooo.

Nothing new here.

sisi tuko na conglomerate na hatusumbui

Conglomerate na ni the same character all through? Wewe uki-unveil handle mpya inajulikana within minutes juu tabia ni zile zile. Mimi naeza comment na handles zangu zingine mbili kwa hii thread na hakuna mtu atafathom ni zangu.

Throw in one of your extra handles in this thread


Ikifika at least 20 comments, from at least 10 different talkers ntarusha comment na handle ingine. Niwaache mkifanya guesswork. To make things more interesting, I’d like to state that everyone who has already commented here, including you, could be my other handle :D:D:D

tell them,
na hatusumbui

Ha ha

Who knows…? :D:D

Harlot thread, captain mcoosh

Mimi nina handle ingine lakini hamuijui:D:D:D

kuna ziko undercover ,hizi mnajua ni zile nataka mjue

niaje @facecock

Meffi thread

:D:D:D…ata na uchawai siwezi changua jina kama io… who are these people?

Sasawa father Abraham