TRU STORY: Some time back when residing in the coastal city of Mombasa i used to have a neiba named Kahindi (a giriama old man) who lived alone with a cat named Njoroge. Our plot had 10 tenants.
One saturday morning i was awoken by some noise coming from the kitchen…mimi huyo with my boxers naenda kwa jikoni…waaaaa it was Njoroge the cat stealing meat frm my jikoni…I shikad mwiko ya ugali ready to smack this paka…To my surprise…yall have heard cats in Mombasa can talk ryt?..anyway Njoroge the cat started singing Noninis song bt amei corrupt kiasi…it started singing "Leo ni Leo ni leo niko kwa jikoni yako nasitoki apa, kwa hivyo kama ume catch feelings wewe KAMU…sikuogopi. " I knew the cat was doing this to scare me ati if i see a talkng cat nitaingiza baridi but wapi…i went for it…ikajaribu kupita btwn my legs ati inahepa bt nikaipea sweep ikapiga sommersaults x2 ikalandi karibu na dirisha…bahati window was open…and it escaped.
FFWD: i went to Mzee Kahindis house and tell him about his cat…i also asked Mzee kahindi if he knew his cat can talk like a human? Kahindi jus laughed and said ka chini kijana yangu,i sat down, He then continued …nilipohamia hii ploti nilipata tenants wakilamika kuhusu uwizi ndogo ndogo kwa ploti…mara ukianika nguo after kuosha zina potea…ama ukiwa na wageni na viatu waache nje zinamea miguu…so mimi kama mzee kahindi nikaja na suluhisho,nikaita neiba wote mkutano…nikawaambia yakua mwizi anaishi among us…nikasema kama huyo mtu atajitolea by saa moja usiku nitafanya kitendo kibaya…Walifikiri ni mchezo lakini hawakujua mimi nilikuwa mganga kutoka tanzania. 7pm kufika nikawaita majirani wote tena…nikasema mwizi ebu jitoe…no response…nikasema haya…nikafanya uchawi wangu alafu apo apo jirani mmoja mkikuyu akageuka akawa paka. huyo ndio alikuwa mwizi. Na kutoka hio siku amekuwa paka wangu…am like waaaaaah …Njoroge the cat finally tokelezeas…i feel huruma for the human in him…i told mzee kahindi ni nini anapasa fanya huyu paka ndio umrudishe akuwe binadamu tena.
Mzee kahindi…started thinking…Njoroge the cat akaona hopes he said…Kahindi chochote unayo taka ntafanya…kama ni pesa nitafanya kazi nilipe,kama ni shamba nita tafuta pls nirudishe ile form yangu ya binadamu…Mzee kahindi looked at me and then Njoroge and said mimi ni shoga na demand yangu ni nikirudisha huyu paka awe binadamu nataka kumkamua. I looked at the cat and said well the ball is in yr court. After a long think paka ikasema sawa,nikwega!!!. Mzee kahindi did some uchawi and pooooh paka ikawa binadamu again…to my surprise i knew the cat now turned human,u guys wont believe it…wait for it…it was WAKANYAMA…yes Wakanyama the mungiki chokosh…he be shining his brown teeth and mungiki eyes.
I excuse my self and tell kahindi “Hadi kwa Mkia” and give him a thumbs up…kahindi is walking me out of the house while removing his belt…he shuts the door. I pretend am gone bt nilikuwa kwa mlango nimetega maskio. Nikaskia “njoroge (a.k.a wakayama)shukisha longi na uiname ushikilie hio kabati na sio ati tafathali” i hear Wakanyama say “Kahidi…nikii mani…tunaweza ogea man…hii si mzuri” Mzee kahindi says shukisha longi na ushikilie kabati ama urudi uwe paka tena…after 5 minutes of silence i hear wakanyama screaming…"mangai “ma ngai…woi kahidi unaniumiza kahidi kahiiidi apana paka mimi mayai kwa boot” and Kahindi was like “Tamu sana napenda sana…mwanangu wewe ni tamu sana”…ivo ivo for like 10 minutes and then i hear the door imefunguliwa na nguvu and out goes wakanyama mbio mbio kama usain bolt while holdin his falling trouser…mzee Kahindi was also running after him saying mwanangu njoo nilikuwa karibu kumaliza.
I moved out of that plot that same day…waaaaaaah
In picture: Wakanyama the moment he was transformed from a cat to a Human
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