(… Dua at-Tawbah …The Prayer of Repetance… )
Forgiveness is a touchy subject for many people. For many people, even just hearing the word conjures up images of hurtful things people have done to us. Add to that the overwhelming feeling that there are some people that simply don’t deserve to be forgiven for what they did. In reality, no one really deserves to be forgiven, yet God instructs us to forgive them anyway.
Why are we to forgive people? Is it to bless them? Because if they hurt me, then the last thing my human nature wants to do is bless them! The crazy thing is that God commands us to forgive others because it actually blesses us. He often likes to work things in what would seem a backwards way to us, thereby asking us to do something incredibly difficult to provide an incredible blessing in our lives. And believe it or not, forgiveness has more to do with us, than the person we are to forgive. So just how are we blessed when we forgive others?
Here are a just a few ways;
1 Forgiving causes us to be more like God
Many people see forgiveness as something that weak people do. But forgiveness doesn’t make you weak, it actually makes you stronger! Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes strong faith to forgive someone who has wronged you. Jesus definitely wasn’t weak and in his last dying moments, He forgave the criminals being crucified with Him on the cross, as well as those who were crucifying Him (Luke 23:32-43).
Our goal as God’s children is ultimately to be like Him. He forgave us of our sins even though we were undeserving of it, so if we are to be like Him, we are to forgive others too.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13).
The Prophet (pbuh) giving a sermon on the last Friday of Sha’ban on the reception of The Holy Month of Ramadan recited this line during his homily;
“…“One who covers the faults of others will benefit in that Allah will curb His anger on the day of Judgement…”
2. Forgiving allows us to have a greater influence on others
“You can catch more flies with honey, than with vinegar”
how the saying goes, and it really is true!
The best way to get people’s attention and win them over isn’t by being a jerk, but by being kind and treating them better than they deserve to be treated, just as Jesus does to us. People just aren’t used to being treated like this in the world, especially those who don’t know the love of Christ. So instead of treating them like everyone else in the world, we will be so much more of an influence if we treat them how Jesus would treat them!
“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32).
3 Forgiving brings us closer to God
We have to be in close communion with God to be able to forgive someone and when we step out and get past our pain to do so, we are reminded of exactly what God did for us when He sent His son to die for our sins. Forgiveness takes humility and it is in a humble state of mind that we remember just how undeserving we were and are of God’s forgiveness. As a result we draw closer to Him and become more thankful for what He has done for us.
In addition, when we are holding a grudge against someone, that person and whatever pain was inflicted on us consume a large amount of our thoughts and feelings, thereby leaving less room in our brain for God and His Word. Not to mention when we fill our head and heart with hatred and anger, it’s kind of heart to fellowship with a loving, peaceful God because they just don’t go hand in hand. That’s why Jesus told us to forgive others before we pray because He knows that if we don’t, our heart really won’t be in the right place to fellowship with Him!
“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too” (Mark 11:25).
“There is nothing more beloved to Allah than a believer who is repentant, male or female.” [Holy Prophet (s)]
4 Forgiving takes away the power others have over us
When we are holding on to something that was done to us and keep stewing over it and keep our anger over the issue, it really does have a hold over us. Just thinking of or seeing the person who hurt us will likely stir up a bunch of negative emotions again. And as long as we refuse to forgive them, they will hold power over us, whether they know it or not! Even if that person is no longer in our life for whatever reason, they will still have control over us by their previous painful actions.
God doesn’t want anyone to have this kind of power over us because it keeps us in bondage and Christ came to set us free from bondage! Forgiving those who have wronged us puts us and God back in the driver’s seat of our own lives instead of us being subject to the past. Instead, we will be subject to God’s amazing plan for our future!
“Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you” (Galatians 5:1 )
5 Forgiving allows us to experience God’s strength in our lives
In all honesty, forgiveness is hard. Forgiving someone who has done something extremely hurtful to us or someone we love does not come natural and it is in no way easy. And honestly, we can’t do it on our own. We have to rely on God’s strength to do it! And anytime we allow God’s strength to work in our lives, wonderful things happen! When the power that raised Christ from the dead is working in you there is no limit to how God can use you and bless you!
“The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you” (Romans 8:11).
Looking at just some of the benefits of offer forgiveness, it shouldn’t be a surprise as to why God instructs us to forgive others. He really does have our best interest at hand when asking us to do things that are difficult. So if you are holding unforgiveness towards anybody, I encourage you to remind yourself of the benefits of letting that issue go and giving it up to God and ask Him for His help and strength to do so. It may be one of the hardest things you will do in your life, but it may also likely be one of the most rewarding.
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BUILDING ON THE FOUNDATION OF FORGIVENESS
But asking for, extending and accepting apologies are in their element the first of three parts of the journey to changing our relationships for the better - and hopefully for good.
When I offer/ extend my apology I am afforded boundless graces of freedom the slavery and the weight of guilt.
I am then expect to atone for my transgressions by a executing the second part of my apology. I am required to explain the cause/ reason for my errs. This affords the other party a chance to understand why I erred, my weaknesses; putting them in a position to explain the consequence of my sins and what I must do to ensure there is no repeat of the same mistakes.
The fellowship of penance between two parties finally builds on a lasting foundation for a rejuvenated relationship. We thus become our brother’s keepers. We are expected to ensure that our candles of love and brotherhood never go off even as we hold them out to light our paths into the future. This is the third and often ignored part of an apology- yet it defines longevity of our relationships.
The other party ought to be an active breath life into my penance by offering their counsel and expectations of us now that I/we have apologised. The good book is clear on the victim’s role in the process of reconciliation.