there’s this HR internship interview I once attended that I had seen on a website. It was in Westlands in one of those 5 star hotels and we were about 15 of us. The conference room where we attended the interview was well made with high class mahogany tables. The panelists were 6 and they had their own table some metres from us. We also had our own table installed with those small like microphones that are found in parliament incase you want to answer a question you press and you answer. We all gave out the necessary required documents and the interview started. We all keyed in our names on some tablets that were hooked to the microphones incase you pressed the microphone to answer a question the panelist saw your name and gave you a goa ahead to answer it. The questions they were asking though were geneal knowledge and not in any way related to HR. The panelists made it clear that they were only two rounds round 1 ni mchujo round 2 ni the real interview and we will only be the three of us.
The first question was asked, “Who is the president of Kenya?”
Some bitch alikuwa na kimbelembele akafinya button ya mic yake, “Yes Mary tell us the answer”
“Uhuru Kenyatta”
Tukaskia “Young girl get out that’s where your interview gets to end”.
After she was chased away temperatures in the room rose from 0 to 100 real quick. The mood was so tensed that people started sweating yet it was 10 in the morning. Some nigga ndo alifinya button akajibu “Yes Derick tell us the answer”.
" His excellency, Honourable, Chief of the Defense Forces, Mr. Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta".
“Good Derrick”.
These shit heads wanted one to follow the protocol when giving the answer.
They continued with the same asking different questions sending people away. They asked some silly questions “Which year was World War III, 1918 or 1945?”
Some nigga naye akaharakisha, “Yes John you can answer”
“1945”
“Young man follow suit, World War III has never been fought”.
They asked another question “If you die between the border of Kenya and Tanzania where will you want to be buried?”
Some slay queen akaharakisha vidole zake kufinya button ya mic, “Yes Samantha go ahead and answer”.
“Its upto the countries to decide but I would like to be buried in Kenya”.
“Thank you but please proceed to follow the others, dead men tell no tales”.
At last tulibaki watatu. Alafu panelists watatu wakajitoa wakabaki watatu. Tukabaki maboy wawili na dem mmoja. Hapo sasa wakaanza kuuliza swali ziko related na HR.
“In what book is the Employment Act in?”
“Yes Patrick answer”
“The Employment Act of 2007”
“Go home my brother, today is not your lucky day”
“Its contained in the Constitution of Kenya”
Tulibaki wawili mi na huyo dame.
Tukaulizwa process ya performance appraisal hapo nayo nilikwama manze alafu huyo dame akajibu.
Wakauliza swali ingine, “Tell why you are best suited for the internship”.
Mimi nilijiexplain vile naeza dame sijui alipewanga leakage alikuwa anajibu akitumia relevant terms saa hio English yake iko well polished.
Kutoka hapo nikaskia “You can proceed to leave the building, the interview is done. We will call you after one week”. Mimi nikaona hizo ni zile trick wanakuanga nazo. Hizo story za we will call you inakuanga ni uongo ingine sipendangi juu 100% ukiambiwanga ivo inamaanisha hukuqualify kwa hio job. Mimi niliwauliza live live, “Lets make the story short, just tell me now I know my fate early so as not to wait for something that is non existent.”
“My friend you have the answer we feel the lady articulated herself much more proficiently than you so she’s the one we will take”. Hapo nikajitoa nikasonga mtaani. Iyo internship ilikuwa na doo mzuri manze walikuwa wakilipa 45k. Two weeks later nikiwa tao nikakutana na huyo dame. Nilimgotea alafu nikamuuliza kwani hayuko job akanishow alivutiwa akaambiwa asireport kuenda kuulizia akaambiwa the management imedecide internship ni hadi next year of which ilikuwa uongo so as to make her not dis interested.
Kufuatilia story ni ati kuna big fish alikuwa tayari ameseti msee wake so interview ilifanywa ndo kuonyesha public ati ilifanywa.
That’s Kenya for you!!
