I come across many quotes of true love and love is blind whenever I come across anything to do with Tecra RIP and Omar Lali the beach ancestor, sorry but the guy looks older than her dad even, then I saw the photo of her mom Tabitha Karanja at her last born funeral. The way moms love their last born. That crest fallen inconsolable grief stricken face of her mom haunts me. Uchungu wa mwana aujuae ni mama.
Ladies, I get it, we fall in love with all kinds of people and as a person who has lived amongst coastal communities and visited Lamu, I understand why she would be so besotted with Omar Lali. I do. Open seas for miles, fresh sea food, hot humidity and cool breezes. It’s magical. It’s so unbelievably romantic. I have been to two Maulidi Festivals in Lamu Island, it’s the most amazing thing, time stops, literally. You are just in this dreamy state like you are in paradise. For a non coastal girl it’s like nothing you can fathom. Now in comes charming beach daddy, with alot of experience, knowing the experiences that make white women go beach boy and never go back. You are young, naive, wide eyed and you want to take on the world. To make matters better this man is a father of daughters, he will daddy you to oblivion. Any woman who has dated an unmarried older man knows there’s nothing like it especially if he has a daughter really close to your age. He will treat you like his baby literally. Anything he could have done for his daughter he will do it for you. Who on earth does not crave that take care of everything feeling a woman has when she is with her father. Kwanza if you are a daddy’s girl such men are irresistible. It takes you back to childhood literally. That combination is a very intoxicating one. Very.
Thing is its OK to fall in love. To fall madly in love, it’s happened to me twice in my lifetime, I know what it’s like. Unfortunately sometimes women fall in love with men who are not really husband material. I don’t know if men do too but women do it all the time, just look at how many women fell in love with Ted Bundy a serial killer, and Ted Bundy was an amazing, amazing husband and step father, he was in love with his wife until the day he was executed for killing over 60 women.
So a man can be a serial killer and be the most tender boyfriend or husband, never raise his voice at you, help around the house, adopt your kids, even try to escape jail to be with you, but still go out and kill people for the fun of it, the Nazis did it, criminals do it and I hear these people are amazing fathers and husbands. Men are compartmentalizers.
For humans, every compartment bleeds into the other meaning that as a woman you must look at the whole package, not just how does he treat you or does he take care of you. He could do all that but he’s a serial killer and eventually that shit that’s going on in the parts of his life that you never get to see, will become part of your life, if you are going to be part of each other’s lives for a considerable amount of time. If you don’t want everything that’s going on in their life to be part of your life, then that man is not husband material for you. Whatever mess that happened or is happening low key without you even being aware of it, will become part of your life.
Men understand that clearly, if you are a single mother, they understand that your kids, your baby daddies, your baggage from being impregnated and dumped will become part of their lives. So what they do if they really adore and they’re in love with you. They date you, they love you even but they know that as amazing as you may be, whatever is going on in your life besides your sweet self is not what they want as part of their life for the long haul, so they enjoy it while it lasts. Make beautiful memories. Love you to death. Spoil you until the honeymoon is over and they move on.
So what am I suggesting ladies? Love beach boys, love criminals, love serial killers, hell love the devil if you wanna, God gave big hearts they can love ANYONE but just understand that it’s not going anywhere and therefore treat it accordingly. Don’t introduce them to your parents, don’t show them off to all your friends and family , compartmentalise them. I won’t say have a side plate because when women are in love, other men cease to exist. Be loyal and faithful but date casually and be busy with other things, do not make them your life because remember they’re not husband material for you and so it’s just for the time being, it’s an experience that you are having so relish it until your feelings begin to wane which once the novelty of the relationship wears off is inevitable .
Ladies this is how simple it is, understand that there’s love and then there’s reality. There’s how he makes you feel as a woman and then there’s the reality of who he is in his entirety. There’s religion. There’s finances. There’s criminal tendacies. There’s incurable diseases. There’s sexual preference. There’s cultural and family background. Those are the realities of life that no amount of love can surmount. Remember that as the woman it is you society expects to make the concessions, not the man. That’s why the reality of who this man is in his entirety must make logical sense. If it won’t make sense to the people who love you the most your parents then kindly reconsider. Let him be a love for a reason or a season but not for a lifetime.
Personally I have never bought into the illusion that love conquers all, it has not stopped me from enjoying the company, friendship and love of people who are different from me. I only don’t cross religious lines. So relating to people who are different from you, enriches your life experiences and your understanding of life, so it’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s only that, you must understand the place of such relationships in your life, they’re not meant to be integrated into your life, they are meant for enjoyment and learning and experience and growth. You know the saying, when it’s good it’s great, when it’s bad it’s experience. So don’t go out and lose yourself in it. You should not lose yourself in any relationship btw. Even as you are walking on clouds and floating on deep blue seas, your feet must remain on the ground. Enjoy experiences that man offers but don’t get kids, don’t get diseases, don’t move him in, or move in with you, don’t have sex with him bcz your judgment is already clouded and biased by your feelings, you don’t need to have a soul tie on top. Not forgetting that men use sex to trap women especially when they could benefit alot from you. Through love spells and plain old dickmatization by giving you sexual experiences that imprint them to your soul. Having sex with a man is giving them your life and your future on a silver platter, you can get life long disease and a life long sourvenir in the form of a child that will change your life for good. Don’t introduce him to your parents. Don’t let him turn you on to drugs and alcohol and other vices in the name of fun or loyalty. You are already high on him, leave it at that for the sake of your sanity. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t do anything that you may one day regret. Compartmentalize him in a manner that he does not interfere with your life. He’s part of the temporary icing you will have in your life, not the cake. You are the cake, the people who love you, like your family and parents are the cake. Your faith. Your vocation. God is the cake. Don’t break hearts of those who truly love you and have truly invested in you, whose dreams are vested in you, in the pursuit of temporal happiness.
I know this has been wordy but I didn’t want anything getting lost in translation. Everyone I’ve seen go against the counsel of parents in matters of the heart has lived to regret it. The voice of the people who love you most on earth is the voice of God. Listen to it. It will save you from untold trouble even a tragic untimely demise.
God love you ladies. You are God’s heartbeat on the earth. Don’t waste the life God gave you in pursuit of ephemeral and fleeting things. Love is important but you are much, much, much more valuable and important. Blessings.