Struggling in life because of lacking a father figure

Vipi elders… Happy Easter… I need your advice here…I lost my father when I had just turned into a teenager and as you all know we all need to be guided/mentored at this stage until we become fully grown men. Something which I have lacked being the only boy and right now I am beginning to realize it

Don’t get me wrong my mum did a very excellent job of providing for us and also with me she did a commendable job with me esp with avoiding peer pressure and drugs…I can confidently say nimemaliza shule without ever getting drunk ama kuwasha kindukulu ama sigara yoyote(I’m drug free).

Now that I’m grown up I’ve realized that my decision making is flawed na sikuwangi na msimamo… plus I feel like I have lacked a sense of identity because I’ve been completely disconnected from my root because I don’t have any relationship with my uncles/grandparents because my mom cut them off from our lives few years later because they started dictating what happens to what my father left behind.

Nimepost masaibu yangu hapa juu ktalk is full of male species, some who are fathers, grandfathers or are facing the same predicaments as me. Since I’ve came across the forum despite the toxic masculinity nimepata different perspective which have made me change my way of thinking and how I perceive life toping up that with amerix from twitter and benjamin zulu from Facebook.

Juzi my mom discovered that I’m a late maturer and plus few days late she told me blatantly into my face that mimi ni “mwanaume baridi”

I just want to be a fully grown up man so that when the time comes I can be emotionally available and psychologically mature for my family and in life which I have struggled with in my previous relationships.

Watu hukuanga fully grown aje? Do they sleep and wake up, find themselves fully grown? Or they take some drugs that catalyzes their growth?? How? Or ar they advised this and that then they become grown?? Whatever you’ll be told, you only grow and mature through time. You’ve got to experience tons of stuff that you’ll learn from and it’ll change your perspective. There is no shortcut around this. Find yourself a father figure, a male far older than you, learn from him for several years. Now that’s growth.

Wewe ni gay? Don’t blame that on your dead father.

Late maturer is vogue… kindly explain exactly what mean…!!
And Benjamin zulu is a simp whose end goal is to sellout seminars and books … He is not worth the hype.

Single mothers, when will they learn?!

Me thinks the problem is your mother, not you. She seems as toxic as a single mother can get.

I suggest ufunzwe na ulimwengu. No man needs a male father figure after 18 years. Kutoka hapo your father figure ni dunia a.k.a experience.

There are very many things that I know that my father and uncles don’t know and I wouldn’t seek their input. The reverse is also true kuna vitu mob wanajua na sijui bado.

At 18+, you need life experience more than father figures. Age ya kuhitaji father figures ulipita kitambo once you got those 32 teeth. Sasa father figure ni dunia na serikali.

And if you subscribe to that clown called Benjamin Zulu, your intelligence is a little bit wanting.

Wacha ujinga amesema his father passed away…

Hawa watakupoteza sana

Turned 23

Ignore him…niko sure hajasoma anything ameruka tu kucomment after seeing the thread title

I have read several of your posts. I think you really need to snap out of the self pity party. You are a man and this is a turn off to women who would like a man to lead the household. I mean it in the nicest way possible. My husband is the son of a single mum and he tells me the challenges he had to overcome by himself. Kuna guys with fathers in their lives but who are useless and more damaging imbeciles for parents. I am sure you know a few. It sounds like your father left you something so you are lucky. Others have drunkard dads who sold everything.
Time to separate what your mum tells you from what you want in life. Focus on yourself pls.

I think at your stage in life you mainly need to know how to handle time, money, and women. If you can avoid major problems in these key areas you’ll be fine.

There is a pandemic known as Son-Husband. it mainly affects single mothers who expect their son to be both son and husbands for their emotional support. in short, your mom is the problem. I quote:
She creates the Son Husband and emasculates her own child to serve her in the absence of masculinity and uses guilt as her ultimate weapon.

:D:D:D that guy woke up one day ujinga ikafunguliwa flood gates.

[SIZE=1]Alafu ka-catch feelings like a two-cent b!tch![/SIZE]

Just trust yourself wacha pressure


Don’t let anyone lie to you that you don’t need a father figure after you turn 18… I was in a mens class where fathers confessed their adult sons are practically strangers to them because they think they know it all but they are out there struggling… yet they have someone who can guide them .
A mentor is invaluable… find 1 who you can talk to and guide you on life and businesses.

sorry for your loss, but you had your father till teenage years. That means you had a father figure, hence no excuse for your indecisiveness , you need to man up and make firm decisions. hatakama ni za upuzi bora nizako… take a drive by yourself, if you don’t have a car, travel by yourself to new towns hatakama ni half day, meet strangers and strike a conversation with them , and join any charity group and be an active member or join a hiking party.
sijui story yako but plan to move out of your mother’s house ujikalishe
@23 you should be making firm decisions about your future, stop self pity and don’t feel bad about other people feelings about your decisions. But judging from your explanation avoid dating for now till you man up enough to stomach break ups or you might end up marrying a kunguru out of self pity you’ll have for her.

Losing a father figure is hard because a father is your “cover”, he provides a sense of safety, protection and wellbeing. No matter how old you think you are, you will never outgrow the need for mom and dad. You haven’t given tangible examples how not having dad around anymore has impacted you. Could it be that you’re feeling emotionally exposed? Maybe all you need is affirmation. I didn’t get the sense that you’ve lost your path in life. You are doing all the right things. Your mom’s comment disoriented you abit but remember she misses her husband and probably wishes you could grow up quickly and take his place. Do life at your own pace. You may consider hiring a male life coach who can act like your sounding board whenever you need some advice.

Juzi u said your sisters wamekukalia, now unasema your mum told you wewe ni “mwanaume baridi”. Go back home reclaim your respect and dignity. From the guess of things umekua ukicontroliwa most of the time. It must be that your mum and sisters run things back at home, e.g fencing, slashing if need be and some genuine decisions that need be made. mathee anaexpect ukiamka in the morning you have a plan of that days activity. Payments as the only man in the family you should be the one negotiating but I guess she does. Make a stand such that your mum calls to ask for advice on something that she tends to make a decision on. Your involvement matters. While young I used to be in fights with my eldest sisters who were in cole and some jobs. Lemme assume you make repairs pale home, coz if not what kind of a man are you.