STATEMENT BY LEADER OF OPPOSITION,UHURU KENYATTA.

DECEMBER 13TH 2017,

Leader of opposition Uhuru Kenyatta today called a press conference at his Gatundu home near the Ichaweri river in Kiambu to rebuke and castigate the NASA government over what he termed as gross mismanagement of the country. He said that there was nothing good that His Excellency the President Raila Amolo Odinga had achieved in the 3 months since he ascended to the presidency. He reminded Kenyans that had they elected him,he would have completed his development agenda. An attempt by a journalist to hold him to account on the said fictitious development was quickly shot down by the Parliament Minority leader Ngunjiri Wambugu(after Aden Duale lost his Mandera parliamentary seat) who flanked the former president.

He expressed bewilderment at how President Odinga had managed to reduce rent prices across the country with the successful application of the Rent Restriction Act,and how he had also managed to reduce the prices of basic goods that are beneficial to the common mwananchi.He wondered loudly how the astronomical debt that his former failed Jubilee regime had accrued was going to be paid without the citizens being taxed heavily. He pointed out that the debt which would have taken 100 years to be fully paid under his government,would now take 250 years under the Odinga Government. He said this would create an unneccessary burden to our great great grandchildren conveniently forgetting he was the one who took out those loans in the first place.

This comes at a time when the president has formed a commission of inquiry to investigate serious economic crimes committed under the Jubilee regime. The committee headed by Advocate Nelson Havi has among other issues been investigating the secret 2 billion anglo leasing payment, the Eurobond scandal,SGR scandal & KPC pipeline 40 billion scandal. So far, former CS Henry Rotich,Thugge Mwangi, Mwangi Kiunjuri as well as CBK governor Njoroge have appeared before the commission and recorded their statements on live television. Former Deputy President William Ruto is due to appear tommorrow but his lawyer today appeared to suggest he would not make an appearance after being struck by a bout of cholera at his Sugoi home. There are now fears that former president Uhuru Kenyatta will also not appear before the commission next week on Monday 18th December 2017 in a clear attempt to subvert justice by the once upon a time called “dynamic duo”. Kenyans have threatened to take to the streets if the two bona fide thieves are not persecuted but President Odinga has appealed for calm and urged kenyans not to judge them on the court of public opinion but let the course of law take effect.

Former President Uhuru further added to the gathered journalists that he could not bring himself to attend yesterdays Jamhuri Day celebrations having been personally invited by the incumbent president Raila Odinga. He said it reminded him of his days at State House and he did not want the trappings of power that would have been on show to depress him. He said he was looking on the brighter side of life and was viewing his keg cup as being half full rather than half empty. In fact, concentrating on his businesses like the Brookside Company had enabled him implement new milk processing technology and he expressed confidence that the company was about to open new markets in Africa,having conquered East Africa. He even gave the gathered journalists samples of the new Yoghurt Raspberry Vanilla flavour to taste as well as carry some for their children back at home. All the journalists unanimously agreed the yoghurt was full bodied,yummy and creamy while adding they were pleasantly surprised that at last Uhuru was doing something useful to all Kenyans.

Meanwhile at yesterdays Jamhuru day celebration, Raila Odinga enumerated the strides his government had made in the first 3 months since NASA government was put in place. Milk and honey prices were further reduced as he argued there is no way Kenyans can be in Canaan while the staple food of Canaan is unaffordable. This in addition to ensuring rice,unga, sugar & wheat flour are below Ksh 70. This, he explained was to make sure that every household is able to “kula nyama” from time to time not unlike the previous regime where only a select few did the same. A number of dignitaries attended the celebration including Pombe Magufuli, Nana Akufo-Adddo, French president Macron,German Chancellor Merkel among others. Uhuru park witnessed a record crowd as the most popular president in Kenya’s history graced the event. Uhuru Highway was rendered impassable as crowds spilled over with reports reaching our desk that the top floors of Intercontinental ,Laico Regency & Nairobi Serena overbooked with well to guests straining to catch a glimpse or even hear the voice of the 5th president of Kenya. The president has been having a busy itinerary and he is due to officially launch an industrial park in Nyeri tommorrow December 14th 2017 which despite being an agricultural basket has been ignored by succesive regime. That will be the fifth industrial park he will be opening in line with his manifesto to ensure every county has an industrial park.

As an aside the CS Interior reminded Kenyans that all Huduma Centres were open so that any Kenyan can change his or her name to naturalised Canaan names like Uzziah, Abimelech, Asenath, Caiaphas, Habakkuk etc as they so wish.

:D:D:D:D

Oh Lord, just that…

Meffi

Hehehehe
Are you a journalist£

Bado sijasoma but nimeilike.
What is happening to me !

Hehehe, duale ni wa garissa town.

Wet dreams

RWNEEBPROK! PERIOD!

Hallucinations.

:D:D:D
this is what you get from a combie of blue balls+fertile imagination

A nasa government wouldn’t hurt, it would be a humbling moment for UhuRuto but I bet Ruto would relish leading the opposition’s offensive

:D:D

The promised land

Kwa staha na unyenyekevu, naomba summary. Nee hayo too.

he he heeeee,
shika hii zawadi kwa kufikiria ki-makondofia
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if beggars were horses and wishes would ride…? Anyway…!

:D:D:D Canaan inaonekana kutoka mbali!

Amen.

i think it is opportune for the business minded to import some nice sisal ropes…