There is this chick I always saw around whenever I was out raving, somehow we always ended up in the same joint. I noticed her because she has one hell of a banging body, curves and more curves, chocolate skin, and short natural hair. So last year Dec, I am was in this joint, nimepewa zangu I realized I am getting a little bit too tipsy so I paid my bill and as I was walking out nikafeel a kasoft hand tapping me from behind, Kuangalia nyuma miss curves is standing right there! grinning from ear to ear. I was drinking beer on the that day and that ish makes me dumb as fuck, I simply couldn’t come up with anything worthy saying, so I just stood there and I was like whatsp? She hands me her business card she grins even harder and she walks away and I walk out a little bit confused, trying to reconstruct and understand what just happened, apparently she is a PA to one of the big shots in one of the biggest publishing houses in Kenya.

Fast forward I called her blah blah, we met the next weekend at a kalocal and as you would expect the meeting ended at my place. One of my best lays ever! One of the tightest and sweetest bumbums I have ever had! The next weekend she begged me to go to her place for a meal and who am I to say no to charitable sister and man! That chick lives in a swanky apartment! Hapo nikajua kuna vitu haziadd up, there is no way this chick can afford this lifestyle with her salary but who cares! On that weekend the chick took me hostage, that bish made me her sex slave, she locked the door and she was like everything you need iko kwa hapa, alcohol, food everything, we banged like rabbits! in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the balcony, good times! By Monday I couldn’t feel my back! It went on for many weekends until I stumbled on the her diary, I shouldn’t have read that shit, it’s infringing on a persons privacy and all but who gives a fuck, it turns out her boss doubles up as her sponsor!

So I walked out and that was it, I had my fair share of slices and I was done! The bish called me, stalked me for months, last month I decided to meet her for the last time nimuambie atembee, me hapana tambua malaya. On the day we met, I was half way through a Richot, the cleavage just confused me so I had to sit down and listen to her for a minute, so his chick has an interesting proposition, the sponsor wants a kid but the bugger is diabetic and he can’t get his shit together in bed, so the chick just wants a kid from me and we’ll be done. The sponsor will take care of everything else.


Let her get a child with someone else but call the kid your name


Chunga sana…you can be attached to that child ushangae


The internet never forgets

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Some things we display here will one day come to bite us in the back just like the scorpion squad. Be wary my friend.

umeskia kitu kinaitwa Ndee Hen Hay…siku hizi si zamani…

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kula slices zako alafu uondokee

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Aren’t some guys lucky? They keep bumping into these super-hot Brazilian models who just want to be ferked and made pregnant. Wonder what I did wrong as a kid - I have to work for my food and lays…


Ktalk csi…

You’ve got to be the luckiest ninja in this village, so many hot mamas throwing themselves at you


You sure this shit is not in your head?




So how will she conceive if you aways go for the booty just like you did with penguin? o_O


ha ha ha…ktalk never forgets…

And why should the sponsor raise a kid he knows very well isn’t his and who wants the kid anyway, the chic or the sponsor? Nothing really makes sense in this whole setup.

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Very infertile imagination. Almost barren.

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ulkuwa ukienda shop mtaa kidame kikakuangukia from nowhere ama? wacha kutufanya mambleina

Me too…I bet this nigger is a Brad Pitt or an Ashton Kutcher

Kwani watu wa CORD ndio Tu wanapataga breakthrough zingine za ma easy lays? Hii Ku call off demos imefanya wasee wakose kitu ya kufanya Ni ma uwongo Tu.


Chunga risasi. I hope sio Garden estate, coz that is a dangerous area code.

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