The posts I have been reading here oflate are pure depressing…ladies why put yourself in such torture in the name of marriage …and most comments from men are just narcistic…I wish women loved themselves more to walk out of situationships that are just not worthy being called marriage but slavery…how do u seek permission to go out during the day for 1hr??? I just dont understand this yani I was raised up with my parents well till adulthood to come seeking for permission from a man to meet with friends just to catch up hehe wuehh…then it’s called submission and u told to pray about it and stick & follow the rules…
Lemme ask myself permission to cook lunch LOL. It’s unbelievable the things that go on in these relationshits. How many married women who ask for permission to meet friends over the weekend also ask their husbands for permission to be on their knees in the bosses office doing the dirty. Or going to lodgings for lunch time quickies. Do these men think that the permission seeking can deter a grown woman from doing what ever she wants? Talk about being delusional.
I heard of a guy who waited till his wife was leaving to meet her friend. He told her it’s either she cancels her date and go cook him chapos or leave and never come back. The lady cooked chapos while crying. The next week she called every guy who had ever wanted to sleep with her and organize a lunch time romp for every day. Her husband wondered why she wasn’t pissed off kumbe she had a different man every day relieving her of stress. If you cannot control teenage kids. How do you imagine you can control an adult.
LOL. Do they ask them for permission on who to go to lunch with too???
I mean if it’s asking for permission then it better be comprehensive and cover everything not just weekends bcz all it takes to have to have a sexual encounter is 5 minutes only. I assume that the permission is to ensure the woman won’t cheat.
I had this workmate whose hubby paid a cabbie who parked just adjacent to the office to keep tabs on his wife’s movement. She was in love with a certain guy who was also married. Do you know that she actually asked for a transfer to be nearer to the guy and away from the guy monitoring her? She had a 6 months affair comfortably then when the guy dumped her she asked for a transfer back. And at no point did the husband suspect anything.
It is usually an ushamba way of ‘being’ in control. Insecurity kiasi. Also the men who unleash these tabias are the ones who cheat day in day out. They fail to understand the basic concept that if a woman wants to cheat on you, she will mos def find a way…ile ushamba ingine that I detest so much is mambo ya simu. Ateee who is that you are speaking to? wtf? But you know what Jojina, these things are sorted out during courtship.
You can suss out an insecure person v early on in the game. Kimtu kishinde kikikufuata fuata saa yote, soory I kent live like that. So wrong on all counts. I dumped a few guys as soon as they started exhibiting this ushamba. Marriage should not be a jail sentence. When you think about how our parents did not have 100% control of our movements after a certain age ni mtu mwenye alizaliwa kwingine ataweza?
The only time I pick my hubby’s phone is when I see my MiL ringing and he is not nearby. Anyone else…he can return the call.
You are very mature. I had one of this type wah, you can’t go anywhere with out him but it my first relationship so I was abit confused as to if this was how normal men behave. It was very tiring. The funny thing is that I fell in love with someone else and I left him for that person. It was drama which I can’t even explain here. The thing is that the people who are like this are very romantic and caring so its confusing. Over possessive. For me I am the opposite until I end up looking like I don’t care bcz I don’t check up on you to know where you are. Even my folks and friends complain about my not calling. If you see me calling you there’s something I am investigating or I felt very worried about you like a 6th sense other than I really leave you alone. You can call me and say you are going clubbing and I am like OK do your thing and I be reading a book till I fall asleep and you never cross my mind that you are out with s1 else or any other suspicions. Apparently you are supposed to be checking up on people every now and then if you really care. For me the communication is limited to when the guy calls. I prefer texting than calling. So I am blamed for not caring bcz I didn’t call you in the middle of the night to establish your whereabouts before I sleep. It’s just childish and tiring. I remember I had this guy who would cause bcz another man was in my house HELPING ME TO Move. Yet he himself was in another town. So I was like do you expect me to move heavy stuff by myself bcz you don’t want a man stepping in my house? The next time he caused ati why did I go to a kesho. So I just stopped telling him my stuff and he was none the wiser. If I suggest a place to go out to he’s like so who else do you normally bring here. Eventually the insecurity became too much and I just ghosted him and blocked him everywhere . He’d never been to my place and I had avoided giving him info. Life is hard enough as it is without someone trying to turn you into an inmate, telling what you should do at what time. As if you were not an adult when you met. It’s crap.
My philosophy about relationships is this, it’s work, it’s an investment of your time and emotions and energy and good will so if the other partner doesn’t value your input then you should stop making yourself tired for no good reason. As in if your investment isn’t giving you a commiserate value in a relationship just withdraw it and invest it elsewhere. In your self, your kids and others who value it. There’s nothing like kuchunga mtu bcz that relationship comes at a cost to you, the same way you go buy a car, you didn’t get it free, you bought it, you spend money for insurance and service and pimping it then how do you keep it and keep putting money into it and it’s not moving or it breaks down all the time. Nobody sane will do that but humans do it for relationshits by week 2 you can tell the relationship can’t work but you keep it going for 4 years just for you not to be by yourself but the worst kind of loneliness is being in a relationship and getting nothing but sorrow out of it. You look like you have a car but you can’t use it it’s of no benefit to you. But you just keep pouring more money into it. It’s insane. It’s called the previous investment trap.
Women should learn that a man being insecure/mshamba in plain terms does not mean he loves you. Actually he loves himself more than you.
Mimi I decided I can live comfortably as a single parent or a married person. The choice was all mine because I have my own income…and this is why I preach to young ngeos…soma kwanza, tafuta kazi and you are good to go. No man can control you after that. But that is how my mum raised us. She said…‘you are women, the world is not on your side. Study hard, your dad provides abcd…do not be those women that rely on a man for income. I grew up hearing those words.’
Hanging out with West African women has also rubbed on me the right way. They are v focused and all that matters is their children. They tell me if a man wants to go, he is free but your children are yours…quite rightly so.
And therefore I hereby conclude that women should really choose who they sire with v carefully. Date and dump ASAP. This can only be achieved if you are a little older not when you are 18y/o.