So, how do you mofos humble brag?

Humblebrag
[SIZE=5] noun:[/SIZE]
An ostensibly modest or self-deprecating statement whose actual purpose is to draw attention to something of which one is proud.
[SIZE=5] verb:[/SIZE]
Make an ostensibly modest or self-deprecating statement with the actual intention of drawing attention to something of which one is proud: [I]she humblebragged about how ‘awful’ she looks without any make-up.

Subtly letting others know about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or “woe is me” gloss.
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I was watching an episode of Real Time With Bill Maher a while ago and they were discussing one of the Republican debates when the issue of humble bragging cropped up. For one to make it in politics, I think one has to master the art of humble bragging. You’ve all come across a politician claiming the reason they decided to join politics was so they could use “my enormous intelligence and wealth to fight for the rights of the downtrodden in society”.

Anyone who’s had to go for a job interview has had to humble brag, because at some point a member of the panel asks the (retarded) question, “So, what are some of your weaknesses?”. Like seriously, why do potential employers ask this silly question? Do they expect one to actually list their weakness(es)? Ati sasa uulizwe weakness yako na wewe pia uropokwe vile “I’m very lazy”? I remember I was once asked this question. My answer was “I’m a perfectionist (the brag) but sadly (this is where you show some humility) this quest for perfection means sometimes I waste a lot of time on projects .” In short, I was informing those fucckers that if there was a Procrastination Hall of Fame, I’d be inducted into it faster than it takes a Kardashian to jump on a random black cock.

I also remember something that happened back in college. One day we were taking lunch, there were around five of us, all boys. As inevitably happens with young adult men, the conversation turned into a bragging contest. Everyone started bragging about all the girls they had banged. Except this one dude. Finally, everyone turned to him, you know, coz he had been quiet the entire time. He finally dropped a bombshell. He was still a virgin. While we were still fathoming this unexpected turn of events, he went ahead to explain to us why. Ati he had such a huge deek, that every time he got the chance to fucck a girl (he assured us this happened frequently), the girls simply freaked out at the sight of his cock. They were concerned (and rightly so, he insisted) of the very real possibility of his ginormous cock wreaking damage on their lady parts and rendering them barren. Since they all planned on experiencing the joys of motherhood, they all fled the minute he unzipped. That’s why he was still a virgin. It was through no fault of his own.

So tell me, unless you are Atwoli, how the fuck do you ask for mbisha or any other evidence, in such a situation? We were all forced to accept that the fuccker had the biggest deek in college. Tukasema Isorait, hapa tumecheswo lakini ni sawa tu. Mungu halali.

Anyway, back to my question. How do you mofos humble brag?

https://tulanevista.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/job-meme.jpg

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My impossibly hot wife makes me really sympathetic to the plight of normal looking girls

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Na chalky umepotea? Just because the tv character died doesnt mean your online persona ceases to work

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I’ve been busy looking for ways to use my billions to help the needy in society hehe. I hear all talkers are billionaires. Lakini I’ve been quietly following events, the urge to post hit me today. It feels good to be back my nigga.

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Summary tafadhali boss.

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Kwani wewe sio billionare? Ambia personal assistant wako akusomee akupe summary ala.

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I feel you bros. I also feel guilty when I’m with my superhot, supercute, super-everything Brazilian supermodel girlfriend and we keep bumping into all these average Janes. At such times I wish I could start a foundation specifically to cover the cost of plastic surgery for some of these girls. You know, to bring out that “inner beauty” motivational speakers keep yapping about. It’s the least I can do to give back to society.

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FP should be introduced to that virgin dude…

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Wewee! Umeharibia watu hawajawatch!

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pole mzee!

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Alisahau kusema spoiler alert…samehea yeye :slight_smile:

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A chasing after the wind- Kinyanjui Kombani.

When I was nominated for the Top 40 Under 40 award, a Business Daily correspondent came to interview me. After the interview, she admitted that, at first, she had expected I would be ‘one of those born-with-a-silver-spoon, overbearing types’.

Why? She had Googled me. I attended a school known for the well-to-do, work with a leading international bank, my books ‘‘easily fly off the shelves’’, I hang out with who’s who’s, have been one of the Executive Directors at Kenyatta University Travelling Theatre (KUTT) and so on.

I requested her that if I ever get shortlisted, she should ensure that the story of my humble background gain more prominence than my achievements.

See, we are a nation that cheers on successful people, without knowing that behind that success is blood, sweat and tears. The result is that we have a generation of young people who want to be billionaires 2 years after finishing school at any cost. We have bred tenderpreneurs and cons. And we have a generation of young ones getting depressed because they do not have the connections to supply $1,000 wheelbarrows, and who hang onto powerful people, and do what the politicians say, including turning against their neighbours. Our newspapers and blogs are filled with ‘success stories’.

One of my former bosses, Reuben Mbindu, kept telling us that you can only climb a tree from the bottom.

I am happy that my Business Daily story turned out the way I wished, and, without disrespect, differently from other Top 40 nominees.

I may have gone to a “school for the rich” but every time the accountant made her way to the classrooms to send people home for school fees, I started packing to save her time.

I nursed my sick, single mum, all my growing up life, only for her to die just when I was about to make her proud in KCSE. And I was an adult before my time.

I have sold ‘mitumba’ (second hand) clothes, knives, curios and groceries. I have lived in a slum. I have painted Christmas decorations at shop windows for a living.

I have persevered being ‘on the bench’ at KUTT. I was told I wasn’t even qualified for a crowd scene role.

I waited 6 years to get my book published. And when it did, I did not get a single coin in royalties. I wrote ‘We can be friends’ while mourning my sister.

I have a file where I keep rejection slips from publishers and regret letters from employers. It is not a small file.

I have thought about resigning. It was the printer that didn’t work. I have been told by a manager “Kombani, I don’t know what you are, but you are not a banker. Go home and think about what you want to do with your life.” And on getting my first appointment to a senior position, I have been asked by a senior manager, “Are you sure they interviewed you for this position?”

Yes. Blood. Sweat. Tears.

And now that I am here, now - Top 40 Under 40, Standard Chartered Top 5 Under 35, KU Outstanding Alumni 2014, Enablis Best Business Plan 2010, black black bla - I don’t know if it is worth it.

Success is overated. Meaningless. A chasing after the wind.

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Wawawa…huyu ameshinda :D:D:D:D

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