sleepy village (short happenings)

I thought I came from a sleepy village(or so I thought) somewhere in murang’a County. I was born and raised here. Jana as is my usual I went to the local drinking hole. You have to choose sitting places wisely and I chose next to a well respected village elder, he was having balozi, I ordered one for him and a guinness for yours truly and started stories of Giants, he had these visions of how he’s pushing the local mpig to have piped water in the village plus other church stories, soon the place is filling up and I start getting requests for jugdaniels from old classmates, some who I have never been in class with but is alright, I buy one or two and get back to the mzee and his stories. A few plots over there is another bar and I call one of my cousins because one of the jug Daniel borrowers told me he was there. He comes over and buys a round and a few cups. We are seated three on one table. Ghafla the bar maid from the other bar shows up, and anyone could tell that she had taken some of what she was selling. Hands go akimbo and I know something is up. She starts insulting my cousin, apparently he has been banging her. Bar maid wa local mahali tunakinywa tells her off. Peter, my cousin has been banging her too. “we tatigana na Fita ni wakwa!” that is the one selling us telling barmaid 2 to sod off. We wacha madem waanze kuanikana. Barmaid 2 asks barmaid 1 “kwani ulicha kutiwa na baba gathogo” nikajua hapa katanuka. I was so focused on the pair of them and since I didn’t know which baba gathogo they were referring to I needed to ask my cousin looking across the table the guy had pulled a houdini (spelling sijui) he had vanished. The barmaids now started naming who the other was fucking and boy oh boy, the list came and it was a shocker. Out of nowhere the respected mzee I was seated next to stood up and in a loud voice said “ngui ici mwangweta hau ngumuhura inyweri” and left. Translation (you dogs if you mention my name I will beat the both of you " and left. Some people in the bar had already been mentioned, some were too drunk to do anything one was mentioned and he protested, wrong move. Barmaid 1 “ona tutingiuga niwajikire tondu kamuti nita fenju” (we can’t say you did me because your mtree is like pencil" no one tried to stop the naming. Then a shocker Barmaid 2 had fucked a father and a son, I think around the same time. “we nduahaicaguo ni kamau muthenya no utuku ukahaichuo ni ithe” (weren’t you being climbed by kamau during day and his dad at night). Barmaid 2 didn’t like this one getting out of the bag sema kuchukua chupa na kutupia Barmaid 1. Barmaid 1 ducked just in time, the chupa missed and they were at each other’s neck. We decided to separate them and in a few the place returned to normal, those who had been mentioned were not in talking mood. We started discussing the list of those adversely mentioned and some wazees who actually go HKM. The Barmaid 1. Brings me a bill and she has added my cousins and the mzees bill. In short I tell her I am only paying what I ordered and because I had a big note decide to pay via mpesa. My cousin just called me for one for the road from a local that is further up the road, he’s buying he says. Hataki kuskia mambo ya bill aliacha.
There are some mzees I will never look straight in the face again. Ithe Wa njoroge, really HKM? I will never look at this village in the same light again.

that is why grass of outside is not supposed to be edible but if you say grass is grass be ready for the stomachache…

I like this story of giants. Great one SV.

Paragraph paragraph paragraph Meni. Do it before time iishe ya kuedit.

Moral of the story — all men are …

…confidential but wamama ni redio

hkm ninini? asking for a friends crush neighbour

KTalk Lexicon - General - Kenya Talk

Hadi kwa mkia, i think it means having anal intercourse with a woman

giants :wink: except the light skin ones :smiley:


Hau naho!

:D:D:D:D Guka fisi huyo

There’s a timeframe for editing a post? Didn’t know that.



Sijui mbona na cheka?




Wewe Kush masaa ya maswali kwa hii thread bado.

masaa ya elders kufuatilia threads iliisha