Sleepovers are common nowadays. A chick comes over to your keja, you bang like slaves and Romans in Spartacus then in the morning she leaves. Simple arithmetic right? Not exactly. Sometimes sleepovers tend to be more complicated than the eyebrows of a Nairobi woman. In fact, here are the most common types of sleepovers that men get to have
- Sleepover ya kunyimwa vitu
What happens here? You cook for her, she eats, you play a movie then you begin to picture the panties and bras flying all over the house as you sit next to her. You even check to make sure you have condoms. But as you go for the cuddles or kiss, you get pelted with statements such as “unapeleka hiyo mkono wapi?“or “what do you think you are doing?”
The reason why this happens is simple. You failed to seduce her properly before she came over. You assumed you would just convince her to bend over and serve her cunt to you for ravishment when she set foot on your house. Instead, what happens is that the two of you end up lying beside each other the whole night doing nothing. You try everything you can to convince her but anakaa ngumu. Maybe you even pull the ‘nitaingiza kichwa tu‘ line but still nothing. The only kuingiza you will be doing is kuingiza kichwa yako kwa blanket na ulale buda. Some chicks will even remove all their clothes and sleep naked yet there’s nothing you can do. Then they’ll sum it up by saying “Kwani unanichukua aje? I am not the type of girl that has sex on the first night.”
- The perfect sleepover.
This is the dream sleepover for all men. She comes over and within minutes, both your clothes are off and you are pumping in and out of her. You cant believe your luck. You feel like giving yourself a high five and a medal as you watch her moaning beneath you – loving every stroke. It’s all magical how she cherishes every second and gasps for air all throughout the duration of the rhythmic coitus.
- The struggle sleepover.
Initially, she made it clear that you cant bang her.”Si nlidhani we were just going to chill?” she said. But you have the spirit of a lion. Your resilience cannot be put into question. You are like Kenyan doctors. You are willing to push until the very end for your demands to be met . So you keep trying and trying until she gives up the cookie late in the night. The problem is by the time you are shagging her, you are even tired already due to the extensive negotiations you had to engage in before thighs were parted.
- Ile ya kuangukia
You never knew it was going to happen. Maybe you went to a house party or a club and got lucky. You came back home with a fine mamii and banged her silly. Or maybe one of your female friends just decided to sleep over at your place and things just happened. It’s a sweet one this one.
- The one you end up regretting.
The regret can stem from may factors. Maybe you ate it raw yet she was a stranger. As a result, you are now more worried than a kid whose mother has said “niletee kiboko.” Or maybe you were cheating and got caught. Better yet, you realized she wasn’t all that pretty so you are wondering what the hell you were thinking when you took her to your keja.
But all the setbacks will never stop a Kenyan man. We will still keep hosting women for sleepovers, no matter how brilliant or terrible they turn out.
Ktalk CSI hii nimetoa pale kwa blog ya Philip Etemesi
