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Abuse and violence
Signs of an abusive relationship
Content warning
This article discusses abuse.
If you’re currently in distress, please head to 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) for support.
It’s not always obvious that you’re in an abusive relationship. This article flags some of the key signs to look for. It’s common for someone who is being abused to believe that it’s their own fault and that they somehow ‘deserve’ the abuse. It’s important to know that you’re never to blame for the way an abusive person treats you.
This can help if:
your partner tries to control your behaviour
your partner threatens to harm you, your pets or people you love
you’re scared of your partner.
young woman curiously looking out window
Key signs of an abusive relationship
An abusive relationship isn’t just limited to physical violence. It can include sexual, emotional and physical abuse, and may involve control of your finances. Here are some signs to look for.
Controlling and possessive behavior
They check on you all the time to see where you are, what you’re doing and who you’re with
They try to control where you go and who you see, and get angry if you don’t do what they say.
Being unreasonably jealous
They accuse you of being unfaithful or of flirting
They isolate you from family and friends, often by behaving rudely to them.
Put-downs
They put you down, either publicly or privately, by attacking your intelligence, looks, mental health or capabilities
They constantly compare you unfavourably to others
They blame you for all the problems in your relationship, and for their violent outbursts
They say things like, ‘No one else will want you.’
Threats
They yell or sulk, and deliberately break things that you value
They threaten to use violence against you, your family, friends or a pet.
Physical and sexual violence
They push, shove, hit or grab you
They force or trick you into having sex or doing things you don’t want to do
They harm you, your pets or your family members.