For those of you guys who schooled in rural areas like i have know better if they do that english was not in their bloodline leave alone smell.
Being a son of a teacher back then i was supposed to act like an angel, you know, dress smart, be smart and fucking be smart. Am talking of being mr know all in regard to anything that existed. Ffd comes the time everyone dreaded the most :. English speaking. It wasn’t easy even to the ones who passed those english test.
So on this day, my study arch rivals likes of wamasibiri, 3piece,general, gitandu, maguru and ngoro ndungu had appointed me as the one to represent first ever weekly speech (was supposed to be about cleanliness ) without my knowledge.
So comes the D - day i was surprised to be at the parade giving the damn speech. Thats when it dawned on me English was not a language but another ritual meant for gods or something. How else can you explain… My name iiiiiiiiis, my name iiiiiiis…(forgot the name)… My ‘ferrow’… I cant remember what else i said but am sure i fumbled then realised a loud fart, felt sick and started shaking. The fat bully kids at the front were looking at me like to kill me anytime i dont disappear. Anyway, i can’t tell how long it took but am sure i scived school nearly all week.
So how was your first day being a mzungu.?
Heheheheee… What did you say your name was? @byro
As far back as i can remember, i used to listen to vok english service. Mainly for sun downer. Then having gone through three languages very early in life ,adopting a third was no biggie. Reading story books also helped. Reciting poems too. I find it natural thinking in english.
evident from your writting
cplonialist fucking language.
back in thika high i was nicknamed chah harr after a hall known as shah hall
Wamasibiri?..were it not for that year n that stage of primo ningesema tulikuwa the same school. Of which I can’t rule it out too…might be we are an alumni
chah harr muthichanugu. sasa tumebakisha tu sur name 
:D:D:D
thats why i hate grammar nazis
Public speaking up to now has never been my forte. Assign me any other task, but don’t ask me to speak to a crowd exceeding 20 pax.
you should change your life name to char harr… fucking hilarious
Mine was in nursery school en just started putting two in two together to create a sentense/ word.
On one wekeend mi and mum with my two younger bros we’re travelling up country. When we reached at the bus stage, there was this matatu written TAKE MI HOME.
To brag of my new found language, i shouted mum hii gari imeandikwa TAKEMEHOME (In Kyuk).
Passengers/ adults were being collected under the seats. En to make it worse nizile facemi. Mum went numb, kushuka stage vile tulifika ocha, slap nilipewa nilikaa chini wondering nimefanya nini
don’t hate. adapt.
pole, your ma was unreasonable…
Dint get that take me home thing. why were u slapped
…wewe you think in sheng. Umefanya nikafikiriiiiiiia kumbe unasema
“abilia marikuwo makiokotwa shini ya fiti”
Reminds of the day our english and CRE came to class and after the ritual that is teaching i was called infront of the class to say a prayer (it was on a friday, so the prayer was to bless the weekend and shit)
Being the know it all that i usually pretended to be back then, i walked to to front of the class, asked everybody to close their eyes… Uttered “jesus son of mary and god…” I couldnt find any other words, the only thing left was cry like i was mourning.
Sounded like take ngathome
Yes she was, but again hii lugha si mchezo. Like for mi it was forced in mi. Try to translate kikuyu to english. Nikama kichaina, it starts backwards. I remember constantly asking my mum the meaning of THE, IS, A, in kyuk hakuwai jibu 30yrs down the line
I remember the only english sentence we made was kamau ti john whenever the guy carrying sack was around. Guy was supposed to hand over the sack to the one he spotted speaking in vernacular. So whenever you were busy shouting orders to your crew in vernacular, the guy would appear and do some justice.you woud shout out in protest… "I say, hear me, i say… Kamuatijohn (come out john). Although they were unrealistic to events, they were enough to show you were born with queen’s English and should be respected… Later in the evening the teacher would ask the first guy name the guy he gave and process will go on till the last one. They were the quietest time of our lives.
Hehe. My mzee had bought several English books that I could read. Story books helped too, and since he read newspapers alot, I gained interest in reading. Cartoons in the papers came in handy too as I wanted to know what they were saying. At the time of was I’m class 5 without much interest in books but all in all it helped.