MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Amid reports that the Russian front has collapsed near Kharkiv, Vladimir Putin complained that the only reason he is losing the war in Ukraine is that the F.B.I. recently seized stuff he needed.
“I’m not going to go into detail, but there were things I needed, very important things, that the F.B.I. has confiscated that should have been sent to me,” the Russian President said. “If I had those things right now, I wouldn’t be getting my ass kicked all over Kharkiv.”
The fact that materials intended for him are in the hands of the F.B.I. has made him question “whether America is really a democracy,” he said.
These njaruos are simply consoling each other after the recent massive lose. Leave them be. That lose imewagonga mbaya. They are searching for any small victories out there to take their minds of Raila.
Nimewacha mwingine akipiga nduru kwa choo ya bar hadi akaitiwa manager. I think all Luos worldwide are crying after every 10 minutes.