Lakini si Mungu hua ananipenda, even when I go looking for trouble He’ll stop me in my tracks! The turmoil I have been saved from in this life! Thank you Lord ! You are the best!
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Hello ladies, how are you all? Happy weekend once again.
If you haven’t watched my latest video on how men jump into comment sections with audacity but no accountability, please check it out. Today, however, we need to do real community work because some women truly need us.
I have heard several harrowing stories from some women in my inbox these week and I am sad. Please read and contribute in the comments. 
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I have several women in my inbox right now—crying, overwhelmed, stuck—and their stories follow the same predictable patriarchal script:
• They left abusive marriages with their children.
• Their husbands—fully capable financially—refuse to support the same children they proudly fathered.
• These men mock them, laugh at their struggles, and tell the kids, “Go to your mom; she has money.”
• Meanwhile, these men are living soft life, shiny life, luxury life.
These women?
Drained.
Broke.
Businesses destroyed by the very men they married.
Some quit their jobs because their husbands demanded it.
This is not random.
This is pattern.
My advice remains the same: Ladies, return the children to their father.
Not out of malice.
Not out of wickedness.
But because parenting is not gendered. Responsibilities are not gendered. Survival is not gendered.
If he has the financial capacity and you are drowning, it is not heroic to drown with the kids on your back.
It is not “motherhood.”
It is self-destruction.
Explain gently to your children:
“Mommy needs to breathe. Mommy needs to recover. Daddy has the home, the money, the stability. I will be back for you when I’m strong again.”
This isn’t abandonment.
This is strategy.
This is survival.
This is reclaiming your life.
You cannot put the airplane mask on your child before putting on yours.
You cannot pour from an empty cup.
You cannot mother effectively if you are sinking.
And yes — let’s talk about Regina Daniels.
People commented when Regina Daniels left her children behind with Ned Nwoko and continued her life.
Did she die?
Did society collapse?
No.
Because sometimes the smartest, most strategic, most economically sound decision a woman can make is to let the father handle what he CAN handle while she rebuilds herself.
Even if your husband is not Ned Nwoko with a private jet and 68 businesses, the principle stands:
If he has more stability, let the children stay where stability lives.
Especially when he is the one who:
• sabotaged your career
• destroyed your business
• killed your financial independence
• wanted to be “the only king in the house”
Let him now be king of school fees and hospital bills too.
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Now let’s address something even deeper:
When women leave marriages and take all the children with them, they automatically put themselves at an economic, emotional, and social disadvantage — and these men KNOW IT.
In fact, many men COUNT ON IT.
Why?
Because:
• When you take the kids, you become tired.
• You become broke.
• You become overwhelmed.
• You become worn out and “unpresentable.”
• You won’t have time or energy to move on or rebuild.
• You will look like the “crazy, struggling ex-wife.”
And that is EXACTLY the image he wants.
It clears the path for him to remarry easily.
And with the new wife? He will PRETEND to be a better man.
Not because he changed.
But because he doesn’t want that new woman to leave him with another set of children.
He will:
• suddenly be romantic
• suddenly be generous
• suddenly be present
• suddenly be invested in parenting the new set of kids
• suddenly “become responsible”
Even though he is still the same dusty bandit who sabotaged your life.
And who pays the price?
Often, the children.
Let’s talk about this because it’s real:
Many children who suffered with their mother while their father lived lavishly with his new wife grow up with resentment towards the mother.
Why?
Because:
• they see their half-siblings living better
• they see their father doing for others what he refused to do for them
• society and extended family whisper lies
• the father rewrites history to protect his ego
• the new wife plays the innocent victim
• patriarchy teaches children to blame the mother for EVERYTHING
Even when she was the only one who tried.
Many children grow up thinking:
“Mom failed. Mom couldn’t hold the marriage. Mom made us suffer.”
They don’t know that you shielded them from hell.
They don’t know the truth of what you survived.
They don’t know the manipulation behind the scenes.
Social media is helping children understand these dynamics now — but historically, they blamed their mothers.
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HOW TO PREPARE YOUR CHILDREN TO SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU (IF YOU MUST LEAVE THEM TEMPORARILY)
Because of the underhanded ways we have seen men weaponize children—
because of the lies they tell,
because of the emotional manipulation they use,
because of the orphanage stories,
because of the children being dumped with strangers,
because of the danger of silence,
many women are terrified that if they leave their children temporarily, the bond will be broken beyond repair.
Let me tell you this clearly:
Children do not forget their mothers unless someone works very hard to erase her—and even then, the truth resurfaces later.
But you must prepare them.
You must train them.
You must give them emotional armor.
You must leave them with tools.
Here is how:
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- Tell your children the truth BEFORE you leave. Not poison. TRUTH.
Not insults.
Not exaggerations.
Not bitterness.
Just facts.
Say things like:
• “Daddy and I disagree on many things, and it has made life very hard for me.”
• “I love you with all my heart. You are not the problem.”
• “Sometimes adults make bad choices, and Daddy has been unkind to me.”
• “I am leaving to get stronger so I can take better care of you.”
• “I will never abandon you.”
• “If anyone tells you that I left because I don’t love you, it is a lie.”
• “You must always come to me with questions. I will tell you the truth.”
Children can handle honesty.
What destroys them is silence.
Because silence is the soil where men plant lies that grow into hatred.
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2. Prepare your children for the FACT that some people may lie about you.
Tell them directly:
• “Your father may say things that are not true to make himself look better.”
• “Some people may tell you stories that make me look bad. Please come to me for clarification.”
• “When you hear something that confuses you or makes you sad, ask me first.”
This builds a loyalty bridge before the separation happens.
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3. Teach your children to observe behavior, not rhetoric.
Explain:
• “People can SAY anything. But how do their actions make you feel?”
• “Do they protect you?”
• “Do they provide?”
• “Do they treat you with kindness?”
• “Do they treat others with kindness?”
This helps children see through manipulation before it takes root.
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4. Give your children emotional anchors: stories, memories, routines.
Before you leave, establish:
• A bedtime prayer/song you always shared
• A phrase that is “just between you two”
• A secret handshake
• A special nickname
• A “when you miss me, do this” ritual
• A note/letter they can keep
• Pictures of you together placed somewhere they can reach
These anchors keep your presence alive even if someone tries to erase you.
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5. Teach them your phone number, your relatives’ numbers, and alternative contact routes.
Men who want to isolate children will:
• seize phones
• block numbers
• remove SIM cards
• confiscate devices
• change schools
• change households
So teach your children:
• your number by memory
• grandma/grandpa/auntie’s numbers
• WhatsApp login
• how to memorize voice passwords
• how to call you from another adult’s phone
Children are WILDLY resourceful when they know you want to hear from them.
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6. Maintain ANY form of contact you can—even if the man blocks you.
If he blocks you:
• send voice notes through aunties
• use neighbors
• ask teachers to deliver messages
• send letters
• send small gifts through third parties
• video call through cousins
• leave voice messages on a trusted relative’s device
• maintain connection through maternal relatives, no matter how extended
Every message—no matter how small—reminds the child:
“My mother is here. My mother loves me.”
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7. Record short videos for them to watch later.
Even if he blocks access NOW, children grow.
Children get phones.
Children find old devices.
Children search for their mother when they are older.
Record:
• “I love you.”
• “I didn’t abandon you.”
• “I was fighting for my life.”
• “I was trying to survive so I could return to you stronger.”
• “Here is what happened…”
THIS SAVES LIVES.
This prevents estrangement.
This heals wounds.
This becomes evidence against the lies they will hear.
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8. Teach them they are not responsible for adult conflicts.
Say clearly:
• “Daddy and I have problems—that is between us.”
• “You did nothing wrong.”
• “You are not a burden.”
• “You are not the reason I left.”
• “Adults make choices based on their own wounds.”
Children who understand this do not internalize guilt—and guilt is where manipulation thrives.
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9. Tell them EXACTLY when you will return—and hold onto that promise.
Not a specific date, but a principle:
• “I will come back for you when I am stronger.”
• “I am not leaving you forever.”
• “This is temporary.”
• “I am working so that our life can be better.”
Children cling to these promises like life rafts.
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10. Teach them to QUESTION adults respectfully.
This is essential.
If someone tells them:
“Your mother is wicked.”
Teach them to respond:
• “Why do you say that?”
• “Do you have proof?”
• “Were you there?”
Children who ask questions cannot be easily manipulated.
They interrupt the cycle.
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11. Explain manipulation itself.
Tell them:
• “Sometimes adults lie to protect themselves.”
• “Sometimes people rewrite stories to look innocent.”
• “Sometimes people blame others to hide their bad behavior.”
• “If Daddy says something that makes you feel scared or confused, come and ask me.”
This keeps you in their mental universe even in your physical absence.
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12. Teach them that mothers don’t disappear—circumstances do.
End with:
“No matter where I am, you are in my heart.
No matter what anyone says, I am your mother.
And mothers do not forget their children.”
This gives them the mental stability they need to survive any household—
even if the father moves them around,
even if they live with strangers,
even if the new wife resents them,
even if the father lies to them,
even if contact is restricted,
even if they struggle for years.
A prepared child is a protected child.
A loved child is a resistant child.
A truth-informed child is a child who will ALWAYS come back to you.
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The conspiracy to keep women broke and burdened
Now, let me add something extremely important: there is a deliberate conspiracy to keep women poor, tired, and trapped.
When a woman is leaving a marriage, people rush to tell her:
• “Take the children, they are still small.”
• “A good mother doesn’t leave her children.”
They know very well:
• they are not going to help you feed those children,
• they are not going to pay school fees,
• they are not going to do school runs,
• they are not going to give you rest.
What they are really saying is:
“Go and carry all the burden so that the man will be free.”
Because everyone also knows what often happens next:
• The man immediately moves on.
• His time is freed up.
• His money is freed up.
• His image is refurbished.
• He goes out there playing king of the jungle, wooing new women.
• He marries again.
• He now has “found peace,” time, and stability you never had.
And the stability he REFUSED to give you while you were with him?
He will suddenly offer it to the new wife and her children.
Then your own children will look across and see:
• their father laughing,
• their half-siblings enjoying,
• a calm, stable home they never experienced.
And many will resent you.
They will say you “couldn’t hold the marriage,” you “failed,” you “made them suffer.”
They don’t know he dumped all the weight on you and walked away light.
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Case study: how this is built into culture – Enugu Ezike
Let me bring it home, literally.
In my father’s hometown, Enugu Ezike, there are cultural beliefs and practices that bake this oppression into the system:
• A woman who cheats on her husband is told she will “go mad” – spiritual and social terror used to police her body and choices.
• It is a taboo for a married woman to give money to her own family members without her husband’s permission.
So what happens?
• Men don’t want their wives to have money.
• When she has money, they want to control every naira.
• When they fail in business, they blame her: “You gave money to your people, that’s why I am struggling.”
• When they fall sick, they blame her: “You brought this illness on me by cheating or giving money.”
Recently, I heard of a woman from that region:
• She was pregnant for her husband.
• She had fibroids and serious complications.
• Her blood pressure shot up — classic preeclampsia, something that requires urgent medical attention.
Did he rush her to the hospital?
No.
He took her to the village.
He took her from one place to another, demanding she “confess” to sins she did not commit.
They said her medical emergency was caused by “offenses”: giving money to her family or cheating.
Instead of treatment, she got torment.
This is psychological and spiritual manipulation dressed up as culture.
And it is one of the pipelines that keeps women sick, broke, and at the mercy of men.
Now, look at one of the women in my inbox:
• Her husband comes from this kind of mindset.
• He sabotaged her business.
• He blamed her for his own business failing.
• When she finally left—with the children—he completely abandoned them.
• He stopped providing for his kids, saved money, and is now “living large.”
Now the impression around them is:
“She was the problem. She must have been cheating or misusing money. Look at how he’s thriving now that she’s gone.”
But how can she be the problem when:
• they had five children draining their resources when they were together, and
• now she alone is carrying those same five children on her back?
Of course he looks financially better — he dropped all his responsibilities on her head.
This is why I am saying:
especially in places like Nigeria where there is no alimony, no real child support, no strong welfare system, if the man is capable, leave those children with him until you get back on your feet.
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IMPORTANT DIGRESSION: How the New Wife Becomes the “Innocent Victim”
And this is an important digression, because whenever we discuss women leaving marriages, returning children to their fathers, or blended family dynamics, we must address how the new wife becomes the so-called innocent victim.
This happens because:
- She is fed a revised history.
She receives a curated story where he is the hero and the ex-wife is the villain. She never hears the parts about abuse, sabotage, or cruelty. - She is positioned as the savior.
He convinces her that she is the one finally bringing him “peace,” binding her to him emotionally. - Society reinforces his lies.
Family and community gladly help him rewrite history, turning her into the “chosen one” and the first wife into the scapegoat. - She receives the best of him — temporarily.
Not because he changed, but because he is afraid of losing again. She gets the “performative husband.” - She becomes primed to see the ex-wife as the enemy.
Whenever the ex-wife speaks the truth, the new wife interprets it as jealousy because that is the script he fed her. - She becomes an unknowing weapon.
She is used to legitimize his lies, humiliate the first wife, and erase the truth. - Eventually, the mask slips.
He mistreats her exactly the same way he mistreated the first wife. Then she realizes she was never the exception — she was simply next.
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How men weaponize custody and dump children on others
Let’s go even further, because the wickedness is layered.
Many of these men:
• fight for custody,
• block access,
• or steal children from their mothers…
and then do not even want to raise those children themselves.
Instead, they:
• dump them with siblings,
• dump them with relatives,
• dump them with their friends’ families,
• dump them with wives who resent those kids,
• dump them with househelps or strangers who are not emotionally invested in them.
The children become luggage to pass around — while their own mother is kept away.
I have seen men:
• refuse to let the children stay with loving maternal relatives,
• but happily abandon them with people who see them as inconvenience.
Why?
Because it’s not about the children’s well-being.
It’s about control and punishment.
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• A man beat his wife so badly and made life so unbearable that when she finally left, he forced her to leave without their son.
• He then married another woman.
• Both of them joined hands to mistreat that boy — the same boy he tore away from his mother.
• They told the child his mother abandoned him, painted her as evil and irresponsible.
He never told the boy:
• how he beat her,
• how he pushed her out,
• how he refused to let her take her child.
Then what happened?
• The man died.
• The wife left.
• The boy ended up alone in an orphanage.
It was from that orphanage that his mother came back to find him and take him home at 13.
I also shared my own experience:
• My father cut off access to my American mother.
• He moved me in and out of different households.
• He preferred to leave us with people who were not emotionally invested, rather than allow consistent access to my mother and maternal family.
This is what I mean when I say:
Men will say, “I am mother and father,” but they will neither mother nor father properly — they will just block the real mother and outsource the actual labor to everyone else.
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Women are socialized into silence — and it is destroying them
On top of all this, women are trained to keep quiet.
From childhood, we are socialized to:
• keep everything happening in the marriage “inside the marriage,”
• protect the man’s reputation at all costs,
• never “drag” him in front of the children,
• never tell the children the full truth.
Meanwhile, these men are out there:
• telling lies,
• rewriting history,
• painting themselves as victims,
• poisoning the children against their mothers.
A woman will leave a marriage, be struggling with bills, with rent, with school fees, and still:
• cover for him,
• tell the children, “Your father is a good man,”
• avoid telling the real story because she doesn’t want to be seen as bitter or as “poisoning” her children.
I am telling you today:
you are sabotaging yourself when you do this.
I am NOT asking you to lie on him.
I am NOT asking you to manipulate your children.
I am telling you to tell the truth.
Calmly. Clearly. Factually.
• Tell them he stopped providing.
• Tell them he blocked access.
• Tell them he destroyed your business.
• Tell them he chose enjoyment over responsibility.
Not with hatred — with honesty.
Because if you keep quiet, his lies will fill the vacuum.
And by the time your children are teenagers or adults, all they will have heard is his side and society’s side.
You cannot be financially handicapped, emotionally exhausted, and also mute.
Silence protects him.
Truth protects you.
When you tell the truth:
• you give your children context,
• you prepare them not to repeat your mistakes,
• you protect your relationship with them in the future,
• you refuse to be doubly victimized — by him AND by the narrative.
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So why give a man the privilege of abandoning his responsibilities while you break your back?
Why free him to start a new family effortlessly?
Why enable him to escape consequences?
Why give him peace while you carry HIS burden?
If he wanted five children, let him father all five.
Not on your back.
Not on your sweat.
Not on your suffering.
If you crumble, everyone will blame you anyway.
Ladies, choose survival over struggle.
If he can provide, let him provide.
If he can house them, let him house them.
If he can maintain the lifestyle, let him do it.
You are not a mule.
You are not the national generator of emotional, financial, and domestic labor.
You are not a human sacrifice for motherhood.
And especially for women in countries where there is:
• no alimony,
• no real child support enforcement,
• no strong welfare system,
it is not wickedness to leave capable men with the children while you rebuild your life.
It is survival.
It is strategy.
It is self-preservation.
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Ladies, please come through in the comments.
Share your stories.
Encourage these women.
Empower them.
Remove the guilt from their hearts.
Women need community.
Women need boldness.
Women need permission to choose themselves without shame.
Let them know they are not wicked — they are wise.
They are strategic.
They are choosing life.
We must support each other because the system is not built to support women.