We’ve all been there because of the patriarchy’s brainwashing of women but there comes a time when you can no longer lie to yourself. When you get out of the patriarchal labyrinth and matrix, is when you as a woman realise the kind of danger you were really in. You need to recuperate and do healing work for all the trauma patriarchy has caused you.
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⸻ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐌𝐄𝐒, 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 ⸻
You are not special.
Not by any stretch of the imagination.
And certainly not when it comes to these men.
I always laugh when I see some women gloating — side chicks forming life coaches. “Ha-ha! I got him! He’s mine now!” My dear, you are not the chosen one. You’re just the next episode in a series called “Lessons Nobody Learns.”
Because the truth remains: pickmes always lose.
They bend, twist, and smile until their spines are made of compromise. They submit and over-understand. They perform virtue like unpaid actors in a play no one asked for. They study a man’s moods like an exam — “is he happy?” “did I smile enough?” “should I apologize for existing?”
And one day, the performance collapses.
Because pretending is exhausting.
Pretending to be the “cool babe.”
Pretending not to notice disrespect.
Pretending you’re not dying inside from the weight of silence.
You can only fake peace for so long before your body starts sending emails to your soul: “Madam, abeg, log out.”
That’s the irony. The very thing that made the pickme feel “special” — her willingness to bend — becomes the reason she breaks.
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐀𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝
Credit to my social media manager, Chinonye Juliet Mkpurumma — she did the groundwork on this gist.
I had asked, “Wait, why are Judy and Yul trending again?” and she came back with the full story.
Apparently, Judy visited Yul on a movie set and caught him with actress Lizzy Gold.
Witnesses said there was shouting, emotions, embarrassment — the full Nollywood package.
And what did our dear Yul do?
Instead of remorse, he defended himself and allegedly told her to leave the set.
Now gist merchants are whispering that they don’t live together anymore.
No more dance-a-thons.
No more “my kang, my soulmate.”
No more shared adverts or matching outfits.
Just silence — and cryptic motivational quotes.
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭
Now, let’s talk about this peace that he keeps posting about.
Didn’t I say this the other day — that it’s always the most unpeaceful men on earth who start screaming about peace?
Cowards. They throw rocks, hide their hands, and rebrand as philosophers of calm.
They pretend to be saints. They are textbook narcissists — some covert, some overt.
And Yul? Overt. Loudly overt.
After everything he did to May — flaunting Judy like a trophy, mocking his wife publicly, acting like her pain was entertainment — he now has the audacity to post about peace.
Peace! From who? From what?
Yul and peace should never appear in the same sentence. Never.
Because if May wasn’t built of steel, that woman would’ve crumbled.
He ran off, married another woman, had a baby, lost a child, and still went online dancing like tragedy was background music.
And Judy — Judy joined him, cheerleading wickedness in real time.
Now look. Karma has entered the group chat.
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐦𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐧
Pickmes are always performing. Always pretending. Always competing to prove they’re better than “the other woman.”
But when the dust settles, they all realize they were never special.
Remember when men were jubilant, dancing online, saying polygamy is African culture? Many of those men were married o! Educated, even. With daughters!
And they were so gleeful that another woman was publicly humiliated — it told us everything we needed to know.
So, dear women, any time you feel that pickme spirit rising, remember Judy Austin.
Remember Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
Remember every woman who thought she was smarter than karma.
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐦𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦
By the way, can we agree to kill the pickme in us before 2026?
Because pickmes are so cringe. Even men find them embarrassing. Because men know. They understand the game they’re playing, and they’re laughing at you while you’re defending them online.
When you become a pickme, you lose your authenticity.
You can’t be a pickme and be your real self — whatever you’re doing with that man is performance art.
Pickmes are not being honest; they’re just desperate for validation.
And I know some of you have let men convince you that women like me are bitter, old, single mothers nobody wants.
You repeat these insults online, sounding so cringe and clueless, forgetting you’re dragging your own gender just for a man who doesn’t even know you exist.
And yet, who has always come through for women online? The feminists.
Every protest, every case, every outcry — it’s feminists.
Meanwhile, you pickmes were here clutching pearls and mocking us for telling the truth.
Now look around. Some of you have one, two, three, four babies since we started this conversation years ago, still learning lessons the hard way.
We told you.
We showed you.
We even used our lives as examples.
And you still chose performance over protection.
Every day, we see story after story — fifty a week, at least — of women harmed, abused, killed, silenced. Rich, poor, educated, uneducated. The statistics don’t lie.
And yet, you still think being a pickme will save you?
You want to be remembered as the second woman who ousted one and ended up suffering too?
That’s the legacy you want?
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡
If you are a pickme, you are not being your authentic self.
You are performing femininity for survival.
You are pretending your captivity is love.
So before we enter 2026, please — kill the pickme in you.
Don’t take that energy into a new year.
Focus on building your peace, your money, your path.
Because this life men designed for us is hell on earth if you don’t armor up.
And remember: the men who cheer these stories are the same ones who would do it to you if given the chance.
Most of them look respectable. Educated. Family men with daughters.
They are the 95%. #All.
So, kill the pickme in you.
Learn how to be mean if you must.
I’d rather you be called rude than be called wife by a man who will break your spirit.
Because pretending is exhausting.
And you are not special.
Not in that way.
P.S. Stay tuned for my analysis on the Regina Daniels and Ned Nwoko case — that one deserves its own deep dive, and I have plenty to say.
#StayWokeDirtyDecember
#PickmeChronicles
#PeaceHasLeftTheGroup
#All