On a Light Note...

Now, I have been observing how you men flaunt your ego and sexual prowess here like you are gods in Mt.Olympus. Sijui,ooooh ktalk legendary threshold,upuss…wacheni uongo nani,kwani ya’ll high on viagra or cialis? Ok…be it may that you can actually get seven ejaculations continuously(:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:) then let me just tell you right now, for us,that is horrible.Ain’t no way a woman wants to be grinded that long…if you are one of those then you better stick to group sex and then you can satisfy a few women at one go. You must be one of the chosen ones ,created to satisfy all women getting short changed by your fellow men. Now let me brief you on what else we do not appreciate…

[ol]
[li]The Love Machine:- We get it, we do…you guys love your penises.You used to draw them on the toilet walls when we were kids.you talk to them sometimes, you measure them with absolute strangers when in public loos and some peverts actually rub them when talking to us. It is fine. Some of you,if not all, go ahead and name them some catchy names like moby dick, hot rod, big daddy,Bayonet, King kong, terminator,the dicktator, etc ( pinkies feel free to add other ones you have heard).I don’t mind that,what i do mind is when you demand i call it out. "oh yeah…(pump,pump) you love how my dicktator is dicking you? say it girl, say thankyou dicktator…oh yeah(pump,pump) dicktator loves your wet pussy…mhmmm. WELL!fuck that shit, I did not come here to call out your dick’s name or listen to you praise your dick more than my fine ass.I would rather call out your name when I am on the verge of my orgasm so please…cut that crap out.[/li][li]George of the Jungle:-I love Alpha men,yes,men who take charge of situations ,men who are a bit firm with me(not physically) and know their position. But being an alpha does not necessarily mean that you have to look like a wolf or a cave man. I want to please you…I want to pour honey on your body and lick it off nice and slow but you make it so damn hard when you look like a sasquatch. No way will I be happy going down on you and getting a mouthful of hair with a pinch of meat. This goes for armpit hair too, I don’t want to see it when we are doing that style…you know the one where you are holding the headboard and my feet are over my head,touching the wall. The sight of coiled up hair is disgusting…I keep it nice and shaven for you atleast try and do the same for me.Please woiye?[/li][li]Teacher,I have been a bad gal:-Spanking. Some of us like that, It’s stimulating and I know you love to see that ass bounce. Here is the thing,please don’t overdo it.Don’t get carried away and inflict actual punishment on my booty,we are not in school here and certainly you are not Mr.Njoroge, who used to whoop your ass to kingdom come.Apana, a few spanks are adequate .Spank as you slide your shaft gently inside me…I love that.[/li][li]Are you there yet?Woii please ,don’t pressure me please…Do not ask a lady if she is about to cum.It makes us uneasy…makes us think you are tired already and it just takes us back to point zero. We end up,faking it in most cases to put you out of your misery and it makes us so fuckin mad and we want to poke your eyes out .You don’t have to ask me,I will say it nay,scream it ,my pussy will tell you by the way it’s clenching your dick and my movements will show you. So just chill with this stupid question.And even worse…please for the love of Venus,do not ask a gal how many times she has cum…I know,it boosts your ego but if you cannot tell when I have cum … you have a lot to learn.Good news is ,it’s never too late.[/li][li]Rear Battalion Attack:-So there we are, I am in my fours,presenting my gifts to you and you are hitting it up to the hilt,oh Hallelujah! Nothing better than choking on dick, (but if you are endowed with the great moby dick,please half is just enough ,baby…;)) Anyway, you spread my ass and of course my tiny puckered A-hole is just there with no idea about your evil intents…All of a sudden you decide that it’s a nice entry point and unceremoniously try to shove your rock hard phallus inside! dude! did we not have this convo before we got here? Did i not mention I do not do anal…please wait until I suggest I want to try it out or in the case of my adventurous sisters who have already done it,please let them actually ask you to do it first.[/li][li]The choke hold:-Fine,you love porn…you love watching the blow jobs but please come back to earth, I have agreed to go down on my knees to worship you,that is hard enough for some of us made women.(like for real-and it’s not a feminazi thing).I am on my knees,playing with your mkwangalas…licking it round and round,caressing your balls…put it inside my mouth and then all of a sudden nigga,you are grabbing my head and ramming your dick to the hilt…and you hold my head there.I am out of breath, baby love, i cannot breath …na wewe tu unaendelea kusema" oh yeah…suck it" when you hear me choking as tears stream down my face. Idiot! Plus no one wants to give head for more than 10 minutes…Please mambo ya porn hub ibaki huko.[/li][li]The alien Probe:-I love finger jobs…I love it when my man is exploring my cunt,playing with the lips,stroking my clit…pushing a finger in and out my wet pussy until I cant stand it any more and i need him to fill me up nice and proper. Please do not go digging for gold…don’t go looking for the mythical land Shangri-La.My G spot is not inside my womb ,so stop probing me like we are in a goddamn space ship. Hii kitu huwa hapo karibu tu…Insert finger,two preferably,but don’t insert ndaaaaani kabisa,bend them a bit on the upper side,feel some ridges and apply some pressure ,tap it a bit while at the same time rub the clit and press on it simultaneously and you will win. If your woman says she feels like peeing then the squirt is coming, but not necessarily the shower we all see on porn. All i can say is that orgasm is epic whether i wash you with cum or it just drips out…fuckin magical.[/li][/ol]
Nawapenda wote. Have a lovely weekend ya’ll . Next week we will cover other fun facts.

When someone says “on a light note”, there is no light note coming:D

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Hii maneno yote unge-inbox wale watu hukukamua. There is not a thing like objectivity in matters sex.
ION nimeona u prefer silent drillers :wink:

Green emoji X10

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Hi @Nefertities ,come see what ur fren is posting.

:D:D:D Ng’ombe.

Nipee squadi .Sijai kamua dame mzee kuniliko. You take take that opportunity and give back to the ‘society’ by teaching me a few things.

sijamaliza lakini nitamaliza nikimaliza ka-ugali kasipoe…

Hujawahi? I find that hard to believe. Besides,last i checked you had met the ‘one’.Hold on to that.

Nirokotwe kwa daram

Kubaff. Do you seriously believe men haven’t got this s.hit all figured out ? Men play dumb coz that’s the only language birds understand.

Very good!

Oh please…why would this be a topic If ALL of you have figured this out?

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Nimembao

sorre I meant ‘Legit’ elder bird. You sure tickle my fancy

You never seize to amaze

Duhh, brothers need to get laid