Oguda Tears Into Kiunjuri Comedy Stunts....

The sacking of the Agriculture Cabinet secretary brings to an end the longest debate on his actual genetic make-up; we now know that he neither has the genes of a cat nor those of a locust.
President Uhuru Kenyatta couldn’t have made the decision at a better time when Mr Kiunjuri still has the fat layers he accumulated during the festive season.
Had the firing happened during the lean months, it would have been a good humanitarian gesture to send him home with a hardship allowance and a speed governor for his mouth.
You have to covet this man’s luck. Not many Kenyans have bosses who have the patience to remind them to pull up their socks at work when they could easily get replacements that are more elastic and higher reaching.
For a long time, we have known patience to be a virtue, but it is now also President Uhuru Kenyatta’s middle name.


You would have expected Mr Kiunjuri, therefore, to thank the President for tolerating his mediocrity for too long, and not recommending his name to the prisons tailor.
Instead, the self-confessed Kikuyu kingpin took advantage of the limelight to shower himself with praise for enduring untold humiliation during his time in office. You would have thought it was a tree speaking.
He fell short of asking for a medal for being the longest-standing government official who can absorb humiliation without leaking emotions.
From today, if his political flight refuses to take off, he should reincarnate into a sponge because we desperately need his resilience in mopping up the muddy pools that currently riddle Nairobi roads.
What has baffled many is the confidence with which he issued the statement announcing that he had given his best in the job.
We know – we live in Kenya – the performance bar might have Alcoblow at the gate, but for Kiunjuri to announce that he had given his best during his time in office points to a man who either long lost his dictionary or is planning to take up a career in comedy.

It was painful watching Mr Kiunjuri revise his high school physics notes, quoting Isaac Newton’s Law of Motion.
This should have come in handy had it been the KCSE month, but not in January when high school students are looking for painkillers for their school fees headache.
For someone who was once a tout, he’d have at least shown a little sensitivity by quoting a verse from the Book of Hope instead. Once again, the Hustler Nation gets a D for Deception.

Mr Oguda comments on topical issues; [email protected]

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who is Oguda

Who is Oguda?