I’ll be very honest today. Extremely. My grief has abated so I’m back to writing paragraphs! 
I’ve gotten life changing epiphanies just from watching my parents. At one point in my life, I had dated a certain man for at least 4 years, he was pressuring me to move the relationship to the next stage and I was ambivalent. As it was stated in the bongo song Anita , mazoea yana taabu. Getting used to something whether good or bad makes separation difficult. Even when you know subconsciously that it needs to end! He got so fed up with my dilly dallying that one evening he asked my friend to bring him to meet my parents. He knew I was at home and she didn’t tell me he was coming with otherwise I would have stopped her.
Anyway, one day I was visiting my parents and looking through the door I saw my parents sitting side by side, reading the papers in their glasses. My mind posited a question, can you see yourself and that boyfriend you have like this? Growing old together?! The answer was an emphatic NO! I completely stopped being in the relationship from that moment. I ghosted .
I rarely talk about my folks out of reverence but today I am being a hella serious so I will make the exception.I recently walked in on my old mother doing some chores in the kitchen. I looked at her and imagined that if I had gotten married, I would have been doing domestic labour for a man until either he drops dead or I do. Not that I wouldn’t cook and clean if I wasn’t married but it’s the epiphany I got in that moment about what marriage really is to most women! Serving a man until death.
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My Take on the Speech Everyone’s Talking About…
So there’s a clip making rounds — Senator Oburu Odinga introducing his two wives.
And in his own words, he said:
“This is the lady who took me out of boyhood… I brought her a helper.”
Now, I’m not here to debate polygamy or politics — but as someone who studies relationships, I had to pause and reflect on what this moment really reveals about how women’s contributions are often framed in our culture.
Here’s what I heard between the lines — and maybe you did too:
“She took me out of boyhood” — sounds poetic until you realize what it really means.
It means she carried his becoming. She mothered his maturity. And too often, that kind of woman ends up being honored only in speech, not in treatment.
“I brought her a helper.”
It’s the phrasing for me.
Because while it may sound harmless or humorous, it exposes a deeply rooted narrative — one where women are assigned roles of service, not partnership.
Many women are celebrated for their sacrifice, not their sovereignty.
He didn’t say, “She built with me.”
He said, “She built me.”
And that distinction matters.
Some men see love as labor.
They value the woman who endured, not necessarily the woman who aligns.
Growth should not come at the cost of your peace.
If you have to lose yourself to make him a man, that’s not love — that’s a transaction.
A woman’s worth isn’t measured by how well she helps.
Because when love is healthy, help is mutual, not assigned.
The world claps for men who “evolve,” but rarely acknowledges the women who bore the weight of that evolution.
When a man calls another woman “a helper,” it often reveals his mindset — one that sees women as supporting roles in his story, not co-authors of their own.
You can’t control how a man interprets your impact, but you can control how you define your worth.
And sis, remember — you’re not here to take a man out of boyhood. You’re here to meet him already standing tall.
So no, this isn’t about that politician — it’s about what that statement represents.
A reminder that your love shouldn’t be another person’s training ground.
Be the woman who became her best self, not the one who built him just to be replaced.
Your crown isn’t for “helping.”
It’s for becoming. 
Let’s talk:
What did you hear when you watched that clip?
Because for me, it spoke volumes about how much women give — and how easily the world forgets.