[INDENT][INDENT][SIZE=3]On being Yourself[/SIZE][/INDENT][/INDENT]
It’s easy to absorb all kinds of messages from society about masculinity and come to believe that there’s a right way and a wrong way to be a man. But as I got older, I realized that my ideas about being a tough guy or cool guy just weren’t me. They were a manifestation of my youth and insecurity. Life became a lot easier when I simply started being myself
[SIZE=3]On Becoming A Father[/SIZE]
[I]Being a father is about more than just having children — it is about summoning the courage to love and support them over anything else. We must always strive to be the best parents and role models we can be and commit to being present in the lives of our kids.
Nothing is more precious than the moments we get to spend with our families — in conversations at the dinner table, coaching tips shouted from the sidelines, or profound experiences of learning and growing and teaching. Today, let us express our gratitude for the men who have enriched our lives and shaped our characters, and let us never stop working to show them how much they are valued and loved.
[SIZE=3]
On Becoming a present Parent[/SIZE]
[I]It’s up to us — as fathers and parents — to instill this ethic of excellence in our children. It’s up to us to say to our daughters, don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for those goals.
It’s up to us to tell our sons, those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in my house we give glory to achievement, self-respect and hard work. It’s up to us to set these high expectations. And that means meeting those expectations ourselves. That means setting examples of excellence in our own lives.
[SIZE=3]
On Male Vulnerability[/SIZE]
Michelle is a tremendously strong person, and has a very strong sense of herself and who she is and where she comes from. But I also think in her eyes you can see a trace of vulnerability that most people don’t know, because when she’s walking through the world she is this tall, beautiful, confident woman.
There is a part of her that is vulnerable and young and sometimes frightened, and I think seeing both of those things is what attracted me to her. And then what sustains our relationship is I’m extremely happy with her, and part of it has to do with the fact that she is at once completely familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also a complete mystery to me in some ways.
And there are times when we are lying in bed and I look over and sort of have a start. Because I realize here is this other person who is separate and different and has different memories and backgrounds and thoughts and feelings.
It’s that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person.
[SIZE=3]
On Finding Peace with your Heritage.[/SIZE]
One of the things I fell prey to during my teen years was this need to separate myself from my parents and grandparents and take on this macho African-American image of a basketball player talking trash. The other day, somebody asked me, “Why do you think you ended up embracing all the stereotypes? You tried pot, coke.”
Back in the seventies, we had Shaft and Superfly or Flip Wilson and Geraldine. If you had to choose between those, it was pretty clear which direction you’d go. But you’re right:
As a teen, I had this divided identity—one inside the home, one for the outside world. It wasn’t until I got to college that I started realizing that was fundamentally dishonest.
I knew there had to be a different way for me to understand myself as a black man and yet not reject the love and values given to me by my mother and her parents. I had to reconcile that I could be proud of my African-American heritage and yet not be limited by it
[SIZE=3]
On Passing Judgement[/SIZE]
How could we judge other men until we had stood in their shoes?
Look at yourself before you pass judgment. Don’t make someone else clean up your mess.
[SIZE=3]
On the burden of Social Obligations[/SIZE]
If you have something, then everyone will want a piece of it. So you have to draw the line somewhere. If everyone is family, no one is family.
[SIZE=3]
On accepting the reality of life[/SIZE]
Life is not obliged to work out as you’d planned. I began feeling the way I imagine an actor or athlete must feel when, after years of commitment to a particular dream…he realizes that he’s gone just about as far as talent or fortune will take him. The dream will not happen, and he now faces the choice of accepting this fact like a grownup and moving on to more sensible pursuits, or refusing the truth and ending up bitter, quarrelsome, and slightly pathetic.
[SIZE=3]
On fitness[/SIZE]
The rest of my time will more be productive if you give me my work out time…You have to exercise or at some point you will just break down…Barack Obama works out for 45 minutes, six days a week. He resolved to commit to a fit life at 22 years of age and the work shows.
[/I]
[/I]