Nilifanya test ya social study for one month. I decided ninyamaze, I didn’t contact anyone. Nione what will happen. A few called to check up on me. I proposed a physical meeting. Everyone who called made excuses. Nika jua people do welfare checks kutafuta udaku. Nothing else. Wewe ishi maisha yako juu no one cares about you. Focus na watoto wako na usonge maisha. Watu ni meffi
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Hii jiji people don’t care that anyone cares about them, ukianza kuonyesha ati you care, unatoanishwa mbaya sana. Just mind your business na sija sema kaa ngumu.
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Just go to the men’s ward pale hospitali. See who comes to visit them utashangaa. 90% of the time the only visitors ni bibi na watoto pekee and that’s for the lucky few. Very few men are visited by “friends” during their lowest moments e.g when admitted at the hospital. 99% of people only talk to men when they want something from them - usually money or some sort of help.
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My friend, this is where Jesus comes in. Once you start reading and understanding the Bible daily, and knowing just how fleeting this world is and the fact that true life starts the moment your flesh drops dead, such trivialties will not bother you anymore.
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People will look for you if wanabenefit from you. Once you are comfortable staying alone uko na control of your social life. You don’t need anyone to have fun. That is the best thing that can happen to any man. Enjoying your aloneness is greatness
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Ukweli ni unless ukufe cash (accident), during your final days only your immediate family will be with you if you are lucky. That means bibi yako na watoto wako. Your siblings will be too old/sick/busy with their lives ni mazishi tuu watakuja. Your parents will be long dead. That’s how it goes for most people.
Nobody cares about you enough to take time and energy from their busy life to look after your sick ass except your wife and kids (if you are lucky). The world is extremely cruel to sick and dying people.
I remember nikiona some old woman crying kwa nyasi hapo Kenyatta juu ni mgonjwa na hana mtu wa kumsaidia kupanga queues and completing processes. Nilishindwa sana where her children and husband were. Likewise wanaume hata ndio wengi wenye unaona msee amekuja hospitali peke yake and he clearly needs help and most have families. Hao watu huwa wanaregret kupata family juu ni useless to them during their time of need.
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This is the part where most men actually grow up.
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How were these men and women useful to their families in the first place? Utapata they never cared about anyone else and that’s why they’re all by their lonesome in their bad days. Most men tunajua don’t bother to even bond or check-in with their kids. You guys walk into the house watoto wanaburuka wanakiambia bedroom ndio msipatane uso kwa uso because all you do is shout and call everyone roaches and other bad names. Sasa those kids grow up and do well for themselves knowing their dad is a fucking idiot. You now expect those kids to come visit you? You the narcisitic idiot dad who loved your sister’s kids more than you did them? hehe uuuuumbwa wewe. This is what goes on in their minds. I have seen this a lot with men who thought they were too good to care about their kids suddenly lamenting that they’re now all alone like rats. My thoughts.
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Don’t take out your daddy issues on me gathee. He must have hurt you badly.
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This is true. I have a very efficient way of filtering out new people in my life and I basically dump people into two categories:
- Acquaintance - the type of person you keep surface level interactions with but absolutely don’t want to get entangled with them in any way ever
- Friends - the people who know you and have met your parents, the ones who when you go out atashika bill leo na wewe utalipa next time no matter the cost, the ones who respond in a crisis yaani ule jamaa when you go for your annual eye appointment uwekwe ile pupil dilation liquid uanze kuona dot dot you tell them to come pick you up and drop you home, wenye wakiwa na deals wewe uko ndani from the get go yaani ni sure bet, wenye unajua ruracio lazima walete mbuzi na watafute chopa uende ukanunue bibi.
Makosa watu hufanya ni kukosa kujua who their people are. I’ve seen people mistake others as their friends yet ukiangalia unaona buda boss they don’t treat you as a friend. Kwanza kwa squad ukiona nobody takes your side during the usual chokosh wars haufai kuwai rudi apo. Your friends should mostly have your back ata kama you’re in the wrong alafu ngori ikiisha they now tell you “na by the way hapo hukufanya poa”. Some of the people you call your friends would leave you alone kakinuka hapo as the bouncer beats the shit out of you.
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I’m merely explaining what happens on the other side. This ain’t about me. I’m just rationale on what could actually be happening.
@cortedivoire lakini you’re learning these things so late baba yao hehe. I learned this lesson much earlier in life while in college. I happened to take a semester off to go sort some things and my phone dried like a nyangumi’s elbow. People you thought were your friends hata wale walikuwa wanajifanya wamejam when you don’t talk to them all of a sudden forget about you and don’t even bother to check-in wajue kwani nini ilifanyika boyz akarudi home.
The funny thing is when I eventually went back unaskia jamaa wakikuuliza buda mbona siku hizi you don’t hang out with us? Watu malaya sana who think life revolves around them. Once in a while, many years later, those fuckers try contacting me pale messenger lakini zinaendanga tu kwa “requests”. You learn very early in life who your people are and who the leeches are. Fungua macho boss otherwise utapigwa sweep moja ushangae.
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Friends don’t exist. Everyone is there to benefit something from you. The earlier you drop them the better. Just Enjoy staying alone.
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There are good people out there. You just have to get good at identifying them. Easy peasy.
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Why would you want people to visit you in hospital ukilazwa? It is not like they are specialists bringing in their expertise upone haraka. They just increase the risks of new infections to patients Na wabebe magonjwa warudi nayo nyumbani.
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Nilikua Nisha cut off majority of people. I decided to downsize to a small circle. After the social study I did for a month, hao ma umbwa wa hio circle wana nicall after more than 2 weeks. Nika make sure nimeuliza kama uko free tumeet. All them walikua preoccupied. Hapo ndio Nika jua hata hio small circle hakuna kitu. Meffi hao
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Kwani pia wewe ni mtoto wa single mother? Anyway, fatherhood is a thankless job. Don’t let the outliers blind you. Nothing ever comes out of fatherhood.
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Hakuna. Deal with them at your own risk. No one will help you with out a catch. Ukipata mtu anakuhelp most likely hamjuani vipoa na they want to know you ndio wajue kama wewe ni benefit or not. The only option we have is kukaa pekee yako.
You clearly haven’t met good people and it makes sense because they’re rare but kuna watu wazuri kijana.
Any relationship is a thankless job. From relatives, friends, children na pipi. Mimi nilijua it’s okay to be selfish alafu Ukipata Doo patia project zako priority.
Train yourself to Enjoy staying alone. Ukiwa comfortable staying alone uko na control ingine noma. You will see upus ya kukubebwa ufala from far. Hata from your own children
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