This happened in Eldama Ravine when Shs 14 would give you a couple of Tusker Exports…
Sex was still something you begged for until your persistence was rewarded. But in the midst of all the mean girls (as we saw them) was one very rare gem. Nina.
Nina was as loose as a bag of buckshot. Her mission in life appeared to be to dish it out to any man who dared request…and for her great work, men had given her a not-too-flattering monicker: Unataka? Tuende wapi?. The nickname was derived from her standard answer whenever a man indicated he wanted some…“Haiya, unataka? Twende wapi?” and she would follow whether you suggested your house or green lodge.
Nina was not your ordinary whore as she would never ask for any payment. Men who made use of her generous services would give her a pound or two out of the goodness of their heart…And Nina was beautiful. On the nearer side of six feet tall, she was in between a momo and a slim shedi, with a fair bossom. A well toned chocolate skin and a fashionably curly kitted hair that reached to her shoulders completed her looks. Her only fault: she never said no.
We were on a mission to pick my girl from Maji Mazuri, 10 or so klicks away when we met Nina. My friend, Dr W was driving his battered beetle when she stopped us.
"Mnaenda wapi Daktari?, she asked.
“Majii”, Dr answered…
“Si twende na nyinyi?”, she posed.
Dr W looked at me but what he didn’t know was that I had shifted to fisi mode. What I had quickly calculated was that getting Wambo, my regular girl, was an iffy affair. Remember there were no mobiles then. Getting Wambo out of her watchful mother’s sight involved giving a local five or ten bob so that he would stroll about their home until he was able to communicate that I was waiting at one of the three pubs in Maji Mazuri. So Nina immediately provided the plan B in case we couldn’t get Wambo out.
Maji Mazuri was a sawmilling town whose lifeline was the large Timsales factory across the road. There were two other smaller timber mills and the three mills combined had a large male workforce that attracted the inevitable supporting cast of market women, whores and chang’aa sellers. So we entered one of the three or four pubs as I spotted my usual errand boy to do the needful.
Another thing about Maji was that it was a wooden town. All the houses were constructed with timber offcuts and one always shuddered to imagine what would happen if a fire broke out…The various homesteads were separated by rickety offcut timber fences
We had hardly tested the temperature of our Tusker Exports when Nina excused herself and disappeared to the back of the bar. Before long, though, we heard a sharp anguished scream at the back and everyone in the bar jumped and headed for the pub’s rear door. The first person to open the door was however flattened by a huge guy (I believe he was a lumberjack!) rushing into the bar and out through the front door like a bat out of hell!
When we stepped out we found a sight to behold. There was Nina in only a bra and skirt. With one hand she was frantically flapping her chiffon top while the other combed her hair as if to clear a swarm of stinging wasps. She was crying at the same time.
Just before we could ask what had happened, we heard a woman in the neighbouring plot speaking in a high pitch with an Ekegusii accent: “Watu wamekosa haiyia namna gani? Wanakuja kufanyia tabia mbaiyia mpaka kwa milango yetu”…
We turned back to Nina who was still crying hysterically and she said, “Si ni huyo mama ameturushia moto…”
It was then that it dawned on us what had happened. Apparently Nina, in her usual generosity, had decided to service the lumberjack she had met coming from the loo. She had leaned on the rickety fence and the rhythm of the ensuing game rattled the rickety fence attracting the attention of the occupants of neighbouring houses. One of them chose the most cruel punishment imaginable…she took her dying jiko that still had hot ashes and a gazillion live embers and threw the contents at the f*cking pair…The contents hit the lumberjack in the face before they landed on Nina’s back and hair…
The woman’s action had given the term coitus interruptus a whole new meaning, and the shock of it explained Lumberjack’s very hasty exit from the scene. As the gathering crowd separated itself into pro and anti the action of the attacking woman, we surreptitiously got back into the bar, quickly downed our drinks and disappeared from the scene. We did not want to be associated with the Nina scandal…
Next time choose your location wisely…