Before we start this thread let me describe to you how a river roady mlevi looks like.
- Wears a leather jacket
- Cowboy hut
- Jeans mpararo
- Safari boots or cowboy boots
- Mdomo kauka.
Before indulging in alcohol these mofos first tengeneza tumbo. They normally eat such ghasia ati ishikilie tumbo
They are known to be mkono birika (misers) so badala ya nyama choma …mutura, ulimi ya ngombe, gizzard and other cheap animal reject parts are good to go (can never be me).
After making their stomachs full they get into action. Yes they will enter a normal dingy pub pale river road but wataenda pale nyuma where muratina is sold in beer bottles. There they will meet their partners in crime and goteana while hi fiving each other.
Hapo kwa corner kuna a juke box which has songs like “thii ukiumaga”, “turio twega” “uhuruto tano tena” and the like.
They tingisha their kiyambis every time one of these songs is played. The bar maid is one ugly looking fat light skin bitch whose cheeks are mostly red (sijui ni ulevi ama bleaching gone wrong)…Most of the times jina ya these barmaid huwa Shiko, Njesh, Wamaitha etc.
The night doesn’t kosa fights kama kawaida of pubs. They fight over flimsy reasons but luckily such pubs have employed strong Luhya and Luo bouncers who lift these grasshoppers like a ghasia and tupa them nje.
As morning approaches cheap whores who had kosad watejaz during the night pale streets start streaming into the bar in the hope of getting a client.
Lucky whores will be seen entering such lodgings which are mostly adjacent to the bar with their river roady mlevi.
Revellers will continue drinking fombe…hata ikifika morning bado wanaendelea…now most are in a complete stupor…hata hawajijui…they are just heard mumbling vitu hazieleweki. Finally they are kicked out and pub closed.
Meanwhile remember the drunkards who went with the cheap whores kwa lodging…well kedo 13.00pm kuna drama part 2…
They will be seen disembarking from these kind of stairs with the cheap whores in hot pursuit ama amemshikilia mahali
Hata ripa fesa yagu says the ugly whore? The mdomo kauka drunkard answers nalipa nini na hata hio coomer irikuwa majimaji na kufwa.
Kwedaaaaa uko unasema coomer yagu ni kufwa nawewe dio uko na toothpick…utanilipa pesa yangu nani…
Siripi…utaripa…siripi…utaripa…the whore then says sawa ngoja…she goes outside and piga binja. Like 7 grown machokosh tokelezea from the alley. She points at the mdomo kauka…ati huyo amekata kuniripa.
They jump on a guy ransack him and rob him every thing…give the whore her dues and tell her ni sawa Wairimu…she says eeeh. Sasa mnaweza mwachilia…ata akuna wasiwasi wacha hata tumzindikishe hadi stage.
Kumbe they piga a u turn and ingiza mdomo kauka in their alley (base)… I don’t know what really happened there but what wairimu saw after 15minutes was her ex client running out of the alley with the speed of a cheetah while holding his already falling trouser.