Narcissistic men's strategies:Punishing women with indifference

Lakini boss do you want to tell me that all rich men are bad and all poor men are good ama all women with big matako are bad and the ones with out are all good. This narrative is based on a fallacy. The same way men leave wives when they lose their looks is the same way women leave men when they lose their income. It’s just human nature. Hata wewe leo ukipoteza job you will be shunned mpaka na relatives.

Do you know how expensive it is to raise kids, if you have 4 kids and the man vanishes and you don’t have enough savings because umekuja uki chip in, who will suffer? Is it not your children? Or you die. Women need to have alot of money stashed and investments for the sake of their kids incase the main provider is not there. I’ve seen people living well until the man is no more kumbe mama Hana hata savings coz they were contributing equally or whichever ratio. It is unwise for the woman not have enough to provide for the kids incase of anything.

Ile siku mutatusaidia kubeba ball na kunyonyesha na kuzaa that day we will be equal and then we will contribute, otherwise everyone should play their role bila kusumbua coz ukiambiwa uoshe mtoto one day a week huwezi kubali, so why do you expect help doing your duty?

Ok so in your estimation how much should a man be setting aside for his woman? Let us consider a middle class couple staying in Nairobi. Let’s have your estimate. Usiseme inadepend with the salo because these people are middle class because they earn in the same range. I’m talking of middle class status- the South B’s, Langatas, Kilimanis and others. Estimate in shilling terms tu.

If she’s working he does not need to give her stipend. What he needs to do is pay all the bills, the wife can pay the house help. And do shopping for food and house care and personal care items but hio ingine yoote including vacation, utility bills, service charge, water electricity, security, fees,entertainment, rent, mortgage, buying houses and cars it’s upto the man, furnishing the house though the woman buy kitchen appliances, small ones, not fridge na cooker, dish washer and washing machine. Even fueling the man can be fueling. Believe me if a man operates like this even God opens more doors for him for being a good provider. I can’t give you an estimate coz depends on the kids, the ages of the kids and the lifestyle that the family decides to live. Some people want to cook gourmet meals and others just basic meals so it depends on alot of things.

Wachana naye. Basi akae peke yake.

I can now see we are coming to an agreement mwarî. In my case, my wife earns almost the same as me but I pay rent, school fees, uniforms, bought land, car, fuels car, takes care of holiday trips, buys major electronics, buys meat or live chicken, chips in for kids salon expenses, surprises her with groceries at times, comes with mahindi when I go to shaggz for githeri and grinding unga, loans her money which is never repaid, boosts her business etc. Her main responsibilities are cooking, paying Mboch or mama nguo, buying foodstuffs, buying her clothes, buying kids clothes and cutlery. How is that?

When dealing with humans we don’t speak in absolutes. There are always outliers.
First, let us isolate the issue, involving relatives that’s a whole other ball game.

Then we can agree that it’s not about the money or the looks.

Every relationship is based on a dynamic. That dynamic is influenced by what everyone is getting from the relationship. Everyone wants something. Motive.

You see when young you’re told the person you marry is very important. That is the only family member you’ll ever be able to choose. What do women do? Afadhali nikalikie kwa range mimi. Wanaume je? Mwanamke ni figure tabia baadaye.

Then what happens? The marriage fails.

Now did it fail because they were bad people? No. It was because of motive. The reason you do something is almost as important as the act itself. It provides the basic framework for how you’ll do the said activity.
Alot of these individuals get frustrated because halfway through the marriage now you want affection. Now you want love. But the relationship was never setup to provide such things. Your needs changed and now you want a home maker but you married a bogi bender. And you think just because it’s what you want the slay mama will change into a responsible wife?

Frustration.

True Dat.