Narcissism

General
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I have never understood why this is a bad character trait. What is so wrong in falling in love with oneself like Narcissus? Isnt this the purest and sincerest form of love. With no hidden agendas and expectations. What people call love is actually a series of manipulative kindnesses. Why go to all the trouble of doing things for somebody else so that they can reciprocate in kind? Doesnt it make more sense to just give yourself whatever your heart desires? For example instead of Naphatali Kinuthia sending money to Ivy the late, sorry to use this example but well, its a great one, he could have just used that money to buy himself something he liked, that would make him happy. Instead of driving long distances to see Ivy the late. He could have just driven himself some place nice and think about the beauty of nature. The vilification of people who are in love with themselves and who put themselves first and who dont try to manipulate people into ‘loving’ them by being self sacrificial ,is a symptom of the collective insanity that passes for sanity and even virtue in our society.Romeo and Juliet . Pyramus and Thisbe , Odysseus and Penelope ,Tristan and Isolde, - romanticizing tragic ‘love’ , we are inundated with folklore and narratives in popular culture Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed ,Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston , about how love is suffering and bitter sweet -FORBIDDEN-ILLICIT-CLANDESTINE LOVE, STRUGGLE LOVE ,UNREQUITED LOVE and STAR CROSSED LOVE. I read a book once about famous love letters written by famous men and all I could think was isnt there anybody who just had an easy boring love life , why are all the popular love stories and love songs so dramatic and synonymous with pain and every imaginable trouble since time in memorial?

How can you say you love somebody if everything you do for them is just a means for you to get whatever it is you want from them?This is more like prostitution or codependency than love. The real problem we have as a society as individuals is that we are not narcissistic enough .If you love yourself as Narcissus did, you will not allow people to abuse and exploit you so that in exchange they can ‘love’ you. Letting the object of your desire to exploit and abuse you in the hope that somehow this will translate into ‘love’ for you is pure insanity. How can you expect to be loved by another when you do not love yourself enough to not let any man or woman abuse and exploit you? To me this is a sickness. Instead of you loving yourself and putting yourself first, you make sacrifices you dont even want to make to buy peoples’ love. If you dont hold your love for yourself in high regard how will anybody else hold your love for them in high regard? If all these people who kill their partners were narcissistic , theyd be too preoccupied with themselves for the thought that they cant live without the ‘love’ of another to cross their mind. I see people going to great lengths to manipulate others into ‘loving’ them. In the end the facade falls apart and the true selfish intentions become self evident. Unfortunately, when the hunted becomes the hunter and uses the hunter, the hunter becomes enraged by the failure of their manipulative devices and the object of their ‘love’ becomes a monster. The tender feelings and the meticulous ruse of their sentimental prey becomes a contempt like no other. ‘Love’ as we know it has turned meek lambs into ferocious beasts. Ferocious enough to hack people they once pledged their undying ‘love’ for , to smithereens with axes or set them on fire like trash. How can this be love? How? Something with the potential to become so sinister and cruel can never be love. Love is what Narcissus had, a great love for himself ,so much so that when he saw his reflection in the water, the whole world disappeared and he fell in love with himself. You can not give what you dont have. If you dont trully love yourself how on earth can you love anyone else. The horror stories we hear in the news are proof . That what was on offer was garnished as ‘love’ but at its core it was anything but love. Our ‘loved’ ones are tumblers, we are the fountain. Not the other way around. When you wanna make another the fountain of your life when all they can be is a tumbler , it will not end well. If you are not yet the fountain of your life, please dont offer others water, become your own fountain first so that you can have something to offer. So that you are not an empty person giving their last drop of water to get an oasis to save you from your nothingness. What we need isnt more ‘love’ as we’ve come to know it rather we need to be like Narcissus filled with love and ardor for ourselves first so that when love isnt forthcoming from the other , the lack doesnt push us over the edge , to take our lives or those of others in exasperation. Losing yourself in another to a point that if they leave or reject you , theres you without them,so you or they must die, is the greatest sign of the dearth of self love.

Jesus did not say, love your neighbor instead of yourself or love your neighbor more than yourself,or dont love yourself but manipulate your neighbor to love you He said ,love your neighbor AS you love yourself. If you can go out and hack somebody with an axe like a wild animal , its pretty clear, you do not love yourself, as a matter of fact you hate yourself, and when you are pushed to the wall , its that self love or self hate that you will give because you can only give what you have.

Here’s to Narcissism!:cool:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU5k3JCabR4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k074WJE5oDc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfWsU4IDCS0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XH_RXaqoz80

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMpFmHSgC4Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id=k0BWlvnBmIE;list=RDQMgi13Go5JiTE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYzlVDlE72w

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[ATTACH=full]240570[/ATTACH]

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Point taken

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Summary

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This is inherent human condition that is naturally primal. Your arguments are reasonable but as humans, we are programmed to easily succumb to our most primitive emotions. A good example is an argument someone brought up here recently why we need a bigger population in a Africa or in a country like Kenya where clearly we are not capable of feeding ourselves.

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Narcissism, Machiavellism and psychopathy=dark triad ,untill you know what drives people to do what they do you don’t possess the alpha male advantage of life

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This is not a primal attribute but an attribute that humans are brainwashed into believing is natural by a sick society. It begins at home by children being shown affection/love based on their compliance to their parents wishes.This is where people learn how to manipulate others by say bribing them or with holding attention,affection,approval and validation to get whatever they want from relationships. During formative years a child is growing a sense of self and therefore recquires unconditional love so as to learn to love themselves. If they do wrong, punish them but do not withdraw your affection because thats the template they will go out into the world with. An approval of others based sense of self. When a child is young, their parent is their everything the child basically grows a strong of self if the parents give unconditional love/affection. If its conditional on behavior the child has a retarded sense of self thats codependent meaning they continue to derive a sense of self from outside of themselves. This is why a sane grown ass adult can go to any lengths to gain love/approval from somebody they are attracted to or desire to be with because their sense of self is not strong. This would be like how a person who cant see well relies on others to maybe lead them around, that dependence leads to their becoming enmeshed with the other person. On the day that other person is in bad moods they too are in bad moods. The codependent relationship leads to people losing themselves in relationships to their love interest , where they dont know where the other person ends and where they begin. So when they lose this person who they derive their sense of self from , they just cant go on because without that person they have nothing and they are nothing and this is the real reason they go on killing sprees. They have nothing left to lose.

Let’s look at Kinuthia’s case, Kinuthia lacked a strong sense of self as do many adult men and women. His sense of self was derived by his relationship or imagined relationship with a woman he was infatuated with. This is why instead of going to sleep after night shift like a normal person would he drove 400kms sleep derived,high on drugs because the woman was not picking his calls , a birthday is not an emergency so there really was no hurry but he felt it was an emergency because his sense of self came from his infatuation and idealization of that woman and whatever he thought would come of it. If for over 20 years you survived and thrived with out a certain man/woman , why would that person’s rejection or abandonment be a reason for you to end your life or theirs or those of your kids? Why? Because you are empty without that person. You have no sense of self apart or outside of them.

This is the real reason why hordes of disillusioned young men join these their empowerment groups to understand women, to learn how to manipulate women into loving them or atleast giving them sex. One of the key premises of these entire movement’s philosophy, is that women are not loving men the way they (men) want to be loved. Simply put these men want women to love them (grown ass adult men) how a woman would love their child whom they gave birth to and these men are very bitter that this is not available. Why isnt a normal adult love based on mutual self interest enough ? Because as children, the formative years, their sense of self did not develop to be a strong sense of self for whatever reason and then when they became adults they never became aware of that deficit and so went on to look for that unconditional parental love they never received from their parents as children in their adult relationships. When that was not forthcoming, they become bitter, they become violent or suicidal and homicidal. As an adult you are supposed to be giving love to children , not demanding unconditional love from other adults because by then you should be able to love yourself enough for that love to give a separate and strong sense of self so that even when you have children you are not looking to your child to give you the love your parents should have given you as a child and the love you should give yourself as an adult. Manipulation of any kind is not necessary because adult relationships are driven by mutual self interests. When you understand that, you understand that there is nothing you can do to get eternal loyalty from a love interest because they are free to leave whenever their self interests are no longer being served, as are you. When you get that concept, you will not spend your last dime on a man/woman or allow them to degrade,abuse and exploit you to keep them loyal to you. Loyalty/love in adult relationships is based on mutual self interests.Its only in a parent child relationship where loyalty/love from the parent is unconditional. Even if you never got this as a child, you can reparent yourself and give yourself that unconditional love you desire ,rather than jumping thru hoops of fire to derive that kind of love/loyalty from another adult .

In adult relationships nobody owes you anything and the other party as well as you will always do what is in their own best self interests. If its in their best self interest they will be loyal and if its not they will abandon you. Its that simple. Anything else in a relationship between two adults is dysfunctional. So you can not subscribe to the notion that these x,y,z aint loyal. Theyre loyal alright. Loyal to themselves and their own self interests. As you should also be. Do not stay in any relationship that is not in your own best self interests and then try to manipulate the person into whatever you want them to be , then when your manipulative tactics backfire on you, you go out and kill the person and or yourself. Dont perpetuate relationships based on history,self sacrifice or even contract, if its no longer mutually beneficial, the shortchanged one needs to get a steppin’. SIMPLE. Not get a manipulating or get a bribing. Get a steppin’. PERIOD. But if your sense of self is derived from that other person and you have no identity outside of that person, walking away is akin to death. Thats why it leads to death because being left or rejected means the death of the self for that person. In their psyche they quite literally can not live with out the other person. And what I am advocating in this post is a return to sanity. A return to self love. Away from all these enmeshed dysfunctional relationships sanctioned by a sick society where another human being just like you can make you kill yourself as though your entire life and being depends on them. Have true adult relationships based on mutual self interests, that you can leave in one piece whenever they stop serving your own best self interests. If Naphatali was a narcissist, the imaginary relationship he had in his head with Ivy the late , would have likely never even began let alone been perpetuated by bribes until its tragic end that destroyed two young lives and devastated their families. Sanity needs to return to relationships and narcissism is where it all begins.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0Yw6wNNx7E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXIJQpYF51c

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I think you don’t understand what narcissism is, they don’t love the real self but the ideal self, created out of delusional imagination. That’s why the constant need to present themselves as perfect in many ways. In reality they hate themselves.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R07vVt-2diU

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Hiyo ya Kinuthia umesema ukweli lakini ni lazima mwanaume amwage ndani liwe liwalo. Ask @Mimi Huwa Namwaga Ndanii