My Kunguru Chronicles, a friend, kungurus and a phone

My last hekaya on Kunguru chronicles got my mzinga hidden under the table by Kungurus but as a man you live to fight another day. It so happened that amongst the Kungurus that had stolen my mzinga and hidden under the table we had exchanged contacts with one of them let me call her Julia. Since common fisiology mantra is dictated by the small head, by Sunday I had already started throwing lines to the chick. By kitu Wednesday she was box and I knew my chances of achieving threshold were 50%. By then I knew I had already proceeded from the group stage into the knockout phase. From the look of pictures updated on her whatsapp nlijua nimewai mtu atleast 7/10. Since it was around end month my liquidity was very high. Nkapea mtu date on Friday na akakubali. Before we met she was suggestive I take her to Merica hotel for lunch but kama mlalahoi nkajua huko sitoshi and I changed the venue. After kufika I took her to a place where my pockets can absorb the financial shock halafu ikawa ati we drop home kukata maji kiasi then threshold. All along Kunguru was behaving very decent hadi nkaona pengine mzinga kupotea ilikua bad influence na ulevi.

        Sa tukitembea along the streets juu my only car is a  Leg Rover we bumped into a close friend who is also a neighbor ikawa we drop the three of us. She then requested if she could call her friend along nkakubali juu siwes taka my wingman akauke nki vuna ngano. The said friend was a bit far so she had to wait for her in town but promised to link up with us once done. I felt I had nothing to lose so we dropped with my wingman story ka zimeshika. Kufika keja maze si tulingoja bana. From kitu 5am hadi around 7:30Pm no calls hadi nkajua hapa tumecheswa. On calling her she confirmed wanakam. Kitu 8pm I get a call wamefika niwaendee. Kushuka kwa ile matatu walikua wametingika proper halafu beshte yake ameiva kama kipara ya intro-fart. Hapo hata nka anza piga regret kwani naletea aje wingman kitu mzuri kushinda yangubut haisuru kila mtu na bahati yake.

        Mara hio tume endea black and white one litre juu hio siku ni tamasha. Kufika keja walikua rowdy hadi majirani wanatoka kuona source of the commotion. I had a rough time containing them to prevent action from the care taker. Tukachapa mzinga kiasi then sisi hao rave. My wingman ni msee kanisa saa alijipea tu excuse as not to drink black and white and not to go raving. Nkabaki na kunguru mbili zimeiva na niko mmoja, never felt good. Kufika dunda kulikua na ukame ya skirts sa kila ninja inadai through pass me nalenga. Dunda tukachapa red label while dancing. Ile kuwa grinded na ma lap dance nlipewa nlitii hio siku. Kitu 4am tukadrop kejani halafu juu nlikua nasort msee wa Tuk tuk nkawapea key waingie wa kwanza. Kuingia keja ile kunguru ilificha mzinga yangu inanishow haioni simu yake yet ni ye aliingia wa kwanza. Nkamshow iko tu around tuta sort kesho juu nlikua sleepy, horny and tired.

        Nlikula round one hivo ndo usingizi ilinichukua na nlikua na mizoga mbili. Sa kesho yake after kuamka dem ana insist about her phone. Najaribu kutafuta place tuliacha wapi? Maze najaribu kumshow mtu hawezi chukua aka kata hio story. Then nkamshow si tu beep simu? Ananishow it was off akitoka. I still went ahead and beeped it ikalilia kwa nguo ziko mbele ya bed mbali sana na place nliacha iki charge hadi najiuliza hizi ni gani tena. Hapo nkajua I was being set up to buy her a new phone or contribute in whatever way. Mchana hivi after lunch tulikata maji then beshte yake akajitoa. After hapo threshold akifika na akajitoa pia. After ameishia nkajua huyo ni live wire and deleted her digits.

Nice hekaya. Maze wewe na ma-liquor na kunguru ni kama @uwesmake ujinga. :D:D

Just as gold undergoes through intense heating to become pure, I also underwent baptism by fire to make me wiser. Nitafutieko muwanga anajua kulima I settle down we muteso.

Usicharibu… Hao ni bad news .hata mzee knew it akaenda nyanza, mimi nikaenda Cendro… jaribu bukusu they are nice . Hata ukileta bibi number 2, they are still ok with that

is that another way of saying no?

Yes in a clever way

Haukunyemelea huyo kunguru mwingine baadaye?

nlipiga boy wangu mwingine through pass ki ozil.

Wacha ubingwa na umeffi ya ‘kila mtu akule kwao’

Ati leg rover:D Uber ilikuja kuokoa wale Kama sisi hatujanunua jalopy …nice hekaya anyway avoid kunguru take away especially wale wakupeleka kejani mzae watakumess.

:D:D No questions please as to why I am laughing.

Kuja nirudishe mukono na cousin wangu nurse , kienyeji kabisa .

Leg Rover -------> Lexicon

:D:D

Peasants wa Nax unatuangusha. Kama kunguru ni mbili then x is raised to the power of 2 where x=threshold.
Ngafana anawacheki
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Alafu…kunguru za three ways wachàna nazo

Leta picha ya goti moja ya left tu analyze kama wazee wa kijiji ndio tuone kama tutakuwa mashemeji

imei2012 what happened to the kunguru that slipped through your fingers kama umekula blackout? did you catch up with her?

Now rdd

Am a good boy now …nilichengwa nikakubali

Way to go…not sure for how long…:DKtalk has taught me something really bad. Calling my fellow women kungurus. I have asked several dudes that I know kunguru ako wapi leo? they are like hunh? oh the shame!
Nota Bene: they are not Talkers!