My friend has died of depression bcz of a toxic marriage

Sex & Relationships
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I’m very sad right now, its just the other day I was mourning my classmate who died in an accident, now today again I am mourning a dear friend who I advised over and over and over and over and over again to leave her shit husband who made her get ulcers, high blood pressure and then recently severe depression. She has succumbed to it.

Let me advise both men and women bcz I have also lost a male relative who was a good doctor who died of depression bcz of his toxic wife who was also a doctor.

Guys, you rather have AIDS and Cancer combined than being in a toxic relationshit. I have never understood what is this desperation both men and women have about being married, Sijui being in a relationship.

For me, I have never struggled to leave any relationship and please find all my exes and ask them who left the relationship? The living ones will tell you that it was I who left the relationship.

Did I leave because they were bad people? No. I just started to feel differently after some time than I did in the beginning and I realized that I had outgrown the relationship and the man in question.

I went through very rough times losing two of my most beloved boyfriends to death but its when I realized that there’s nobody you can not live with out. I cried till all the tears finished and I was still here, still breathing and after a few months I could smile again. I could live again. I became very independent to the point that I never entertained a relationship once it stopped working for me. The men would send emissaries and flowers and wonder what they had done wrong. It’s just that I had outgrown them and I wasn’t going to sacrifice my growth to prove a point to any one.

Why would you stay in a toxic marriage just so that people don’t say that your marriage failed? Is it better to commit suicide? You get ulcers you never had, sometimes she even had acne and eczema bcz of stress. Then HBP and you are still waiting for more?

I’m so disappointed. Why don’t people love themselves? Me I have declined marriage offers at this my ripe old age bcz I don’t see any value this man will add to my life and because society has told those men who have baggage from here to Timbuktu that at my age there’s no way I will decline their offers to join the slave plantation they get very angry and the way I have kept myself, I don’t have kids and diseases-many people you know are on ARV albeit secretly , I am not a divorcee, if the ticket to enter heaven was sexual integrity and piety I would get an express ticket. Men my age have kids in every county, have killed enough of their seed/unborn kids, have so many STDs, are serial divorcees. Frankly speaking do you expect me to help you carry all that your baggage, when I was disciplined enough not to end up with that kind of unnecessary baggage. They’re too bitter with their exes. They look down on women. They are severely frustrated. They are extremely insecure. Surely at times its good to ask yourself if you can even marry yourself before approaching others.

Anyway, guys let’s just say no to toxicity from all sources. Especially partners. We have enough problems that the last thing you need is to be going home to toxic people. Women need peace. Without peace at home your health will be the first thing to go. Anyway lemme go condole with her parents. I am feeling very heavy hearted.

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Sisomi

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Venye your age mates are dropping si utupee hio kitu tuikule. Kuna haja gani ukufe na utamu hio yote?

It will be a huge loss na ikifika ni wakati wa hukumu @Jehovah Wanyonyi won’t be pleased with you.

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Sori for your loss …
Depression is real …

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Always make time for people going thru hard times …
Your concern and listening ear could make all the difference … :slight_smile:

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Another one bites the dust, no way to help out those already indoctrinated into those miserable alliances known as marriage we stay pointing out to the younger generation to avoid and only get into it at or beyond 30’s

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Sema upewe pekee Yako Kuna vitu zingine siwezi kula ata kama tumepatana na kapoti nikiwa jela hard labour miaka tano bila kuona Kuma afathali ninyonge

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Some women have no self esteem outside of men and society’s opinions of them. I always say, society will be the same people blaming you after you die. Look at Osinachi case even the pastor denied knowing that she was being abused. Yet she told her mum that she stayed in the toxic marriage bcz of what the church will say. The same church is condemning her for staying in the marriage. If there’s one thing I have learnt is that if Jesus could not please human beings who are you to think you can? Just please yourself and the people who love you. Who want the best for you, the rest are not helping your life with anything. Their opinions about you is none of your business.

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Tell us about your friend not yourself! Help someone going through something similar not go on about how "depression proof " you are!

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The rate at which my age mates are dying makes me wonder if by the time I get to 100 there’s anyone I know who is my age who will be alive.

Talking about listening, I once gave a lady who is a neighbor a lift and I noticed she seemed disturbed so mimi na umama yangu told her we go sit down and talk. Wah. It was 8am and we talked till 5pm. She was just talking about how her husband is mistreating her. To the extent that he is not talking to her for 3 months. The coldness has extended to the kids as well. I have problems but I can’t talk for 8 hours about them. I also realized that married people don’t talk to each other about their problems because I wondered if she was this stressed why wouldn’t she talk to another married woman since she would understand her situation better? Apparently the other married lady probably has worse problems and is being mistreated in a worse way so they don’t have much empathy to offer. Personally if I have issues I now prefer seeing a professional. They are discreet and they are trained to help.

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Your friend died but you had to make it about you

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Madam, where did I say that I was depression proof? I just said that if there’s something which is causing you to get ulcers, HBP, Depression, simply remove it out of your life.

I talked about myself to prove that you can say no to relationships that are not good for you in spite of the pressure you get from society. Also to prove that relationships can stress you to levels nothing else can. You can have a good boyfriend who has never done anything bad to you but if he dies you will suffer alot of grief. More than a bad one. I was also putting across that most men my age for example have too much baggage so that they are not marriage material unless you want to saddle yourself with alot of stress helping them to carry their baggage, especially if you yourself have none like me. I don’t have any baggage. Soon I will be a man God willing but it won’t be ati I got pregnant by accident or by some guy who deserted me or died on me. It will be based on a decision that I made consciously bcz I need someone who has my DNA to inherit me once the Lord calls me. So I am not a single mother bcz I was having raw sex with men who hadn’t married me although I also know many married women who were deserted by their husbands, so marriage is not the guarantee that you won’t become a single mother. I am one by design. There’s an alternative to these toxic relationships, you don’t have to be married to a toxic partner to become a mother.

I am showing anyone who might be reading this that in life you always have choices. Don’t die in a toxic situation bcz you feel like you have no choice. The men who approached me for marriage were angry and frustrated when I declined their offers bcz society has indoctrinated them that a woman my age has no choice but to accept any proposal no matter how bad she gets and I proved to them that I have choices. Now when they meet me with my mulato kids they will understand that I really have choices unlike what they believe.

I am trying to show women that in life you have choices. You don’t have to start or stay in toxic relationships. Which will give you ulcers. I have married friends who are 10 years younger than me, they have ulcers they acquired in marriage bcz of mateso. I am not bragging but I do not have ulcers bcz I am very prompt to leave relationships which are no longer working for me even if the man wants the relationship to go into marriage and to have kids with me once I realise that I deserve better I just move. I don’t know why people feel trapped. Imagine you can just wake up one morning and leave. You don’t have to get ulcers. You don’t have to die of depression. If you get to a point where you realize that relationships are not working for you,don’t insist, just stop dating and start planning your life as a single person or a single mother and you will surely succeed bcz if you want to meet the person who will change your life for the best… look in the mirror and look at the cross bcz when you walk with God nothing is impossible.

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Avoid depression men… Mwaga ndani kimbia amazon, embubut utapatikana

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Baba Panya I’m really stressed out btw. Imagine COVID time I lost one, Juzi it was my classmate, now here is my friend. Yaani I feel like I am in a kind of apocalypse.

I’m so saddened. Si you come to my house and comfort me? Hii mambo inani affect. I’m starting to feel like Noah after the flood. All the people you knew are gone. It’s a very scary thing to go through.

I think now is the time I need to be closer to God than ever. This is the wrong time to be entering into immorality. You better have done it before but not in these dangerous times. Please Baba Panya achana na hii Maisha ya umalaya hakuna Mahali itakupeleka. Uzuri wa Mungu once you change your evil ways, you are like someone who never sinned, si kama binadamu atashinda akikukumbusha dhambi ulitenda 20 years ago. So come to Jesus achana na mambo ya dunia my dear fren.

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Life is for the living bro. Ukienda yako imekwisha. I am leading by example. There’s no way I can advise you to keep off toxic abusive relationshits or marriage and that time I myself am in one.

Of course its not easy with all the social pressures but it is doable. I am the proof that you can live clean life and as a result avoid baggage and even if you made a mistake and married someone who was not right for you or you had kids with them , you can still start over. Kwanzaa men my age si wako na baggage. If you sit down with them to tell you how much baggage they got. You will cry. That is when it hits you that God has kept you from so much evil coz hebu imagine that you are married over 6 times, every marriage you had a kid. So basically you have 6 kids you are raising. Maybe you are also helping siblings and parents financially.

Now surely imagine me entering into such a union. I don’t have any single baggage. Hata kamoja tuu sina. Si I will be so stressed? Kila mtu abebe msalaba yake.

Another one is a divorcee who has kids from previous marriage. He’s still bitter with the wife. I have to deal with your bitterness towards women and your exe wife and your kids and your broken family of origin. And your siblings and parents depending on you. Is it fair to me? Ati ohhh I am going to get married. No thanks. Kila mtu abebe msalaba wake.

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Ingine ni ya kujitakia… huyo mzee anatufuta bibi na bado despite hio baggage yote aii.

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Lazima atafute but wajinga ni wale waliwao. What I admire about men is that even when they ain’t shit, they never settle for less, put up with nonsense and always want the best for themselves. Women should borrow a leaf.

Society has really brainwashed women. Leading to alot of entitlement in men. I always ask myself why a man should get angry coz hutaki mambo or rather baggage zake. Men take it as rejection but can they put themselves in your shoes. Would they marry themselves? Of course not. No sane man will marry a woman with 6 kids from different men. So why should a woman be the one to take in such losers? Kila mtu apambane na hali yake.

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He’s not even old, he’s just maybe a year older than me but akikwambia his relationship history you will just sit down and cry. I even wander how he can still be sane after all this drama. Btw exes walimwachia watoto wakaoleka kwingine so basically he’s a single dad of six. I also know another guy in Malindi he’s 10 years younger than me, who is a single dad of 6, he was cheating on his wife who they have 4 kids with a local lady who got twins. The wife relocated to stay with him and then MWK left bcz she was not getting as much money as she was used to. She found a man who had more money. Meanwhile wife flew to the states after having enough of all the husband cheating. So basically now he’s a single dad of 6. So imagine me who doesn’t have kids niende kuolewa na such. Hio si ni mapepo. Kwanzaa me the way I hate and avoid baggage that is why I can’t be a sugar Mami like @Purple coz I hate someone who is a burden to me. Ati you move into my house then I be feeding you and taking care of you.Sasa kama mtu mmoja ananishinda is it six kids nitaweza?

Mwenye aliolewa na yeye is now crying, tell me how you can survive in this economy with 6 kids?

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The death of christ is the selling point to women in this warehouses known as churches hapo ndio their brains are stored, by the time they leaving after service brilliant women are carrying inactive brain cells hakuna kitu ungeambia osinach ama ua friend. Women are taught to sacrifice themselves to marriage as christ was sacrificed to the church.

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U learn alot when she outlines how she handles matters. I think you should appreciate her for showing us how to keep safe and to self care. This lady is the epitome of brilliance over here at ktalk.