As reported by one “Ole Weru”
Some say that whenever we meet in town, I don’t say Hi or even look approachable coz of the stern face I put up. Well, you can’t blame me. Blame this Nyairofi for the things it has taken me through.
Sometime ago, I was just in my house thinking of how unfair the economy was, having been sober for a whole weekend, not even having enough to afford Wakihara special vodka, which btw cannot be categorized as 2nd generation-it does not belong to any generation, its just there. So as I sat there, I saw a call from one of my longest serving debtors, and as usual, I picked the phone with all insults…”wewe maskini wa mwisho, uliamua mimi ndio nitakulea hii Nairobi?..kama iyo pesa nlikukopesha ingekuwa inazaa sa hii ungefaa kunirudishia ikiwa sacco/ka-branch mzima ya equity”.
He interrupted me and said that he was finally out of the pit, and was calling to apologize for the delay before sending me the money in the next few minutes. I thanked him and spit on my chest to bless him. They say sometimes an angel makes an appearance in hell, and indeed this had made one. Within a few minutes, I would be 5k richer, and even before getting the money, I had already planned for it. The Mpesa text got me at the stage heading to town, to do some shopping here and there. I first wanted to go to Rifa-rori and buy some electronics, then pass by Tuskys and do some shopping. So after alighting, I went straight to Rifa-rori. I withdrew the 5k from an Mpesa, and when turning back, I saw a very familiar face. She recognized me too, said hi and we were so excited to have met.
This was my primary school mate. She looked extremely beautiful than she looked back then, a bit lighter too as most do, but still had the accent, as I could hear things like “uripoterea wapi; hao mako huku tu etc…” We talked a bit and I offered to buy late lunch as we caught up. You know they say that as long as these people own a P, they will always run the world. She was running mine now, a nigga who was going to do shopping and was now heading to a restaurant/pub with someone he hadn’t met for years. So we had food and then she asked for a drink, and I did so too. Lemmi say satan was in all this equation, and as I say, he has 3 phds in planning and another in timing.
When taking the third drink, I felt like I was so drunk which is unlike me, and I also started seeing things that were near appear so far. The girl was sited right opposite me, but she appeared to be sitting very far away and I was even struggling to speak to her coz of the ‘distance’. I even remember seeing the waiter appear as a painting coz of how far she appeared to be. I tried asking this girl what she had done to me, but my voice was now in whispers. I remember trying to look at a guy next table with those eyes of ‘please help’ coz the voice couldn’t come out. I tried to lift my hand to wave at him, but he took it as a greeting so he waved back,stupid him. The girl now came next to me, and all I remember is her telling me ‘utarijua jiji’.
This was not just the normal mchele, but must have been original Pishori/Basmati. I regained consciousness very many hours later surrounded by many people. I put my hands in the pocket and there was only a handkerchief, and putting my hands deeper in the pocket only felt balls coz I had nothing. The coincidence of me meeting her only when I had withdrawn money still baffles me, but there is a Greek saying that goes, “Mundu wa mutino aharagwo muthenya wa uhiki (A person with bad luck gets a diarrhea on his wedding day)”.
I was now poorer than I was before, plus a phone gone. It’s a long long story of how I got home, but I learned not to trust any person in this Nyairofi again. Also, when you get paid by a long serving debtor, keep the money for some days to remove dumba and mikosi before using it. But I forgave her; maybe she would have slept hungry for that week or gone to the toilet with daily nation or taifa leo.
