I never met a dollar I didn’t like. Hiyo statement should always guide you.
Ata DJ CK at his ripe age alikuwa anaoshwa rungu visuri sana na whoever he desired.
Umafwi thread from a mama’s boy who lives in his parents place
Being an older and perhaps wiser guy, I would advise the following: DO BOTH.
If you focus on low-maintenance girls, you wont have to choose between the girl and the money. That’s the trick that most young and naïve men don’t understand. The girl is not the problem, the money you spend on her is the actual problem.
You will have to incur costs of sustaining a girlfriend and that is unavoidable. Find the type of girl that helps you save money sometimes instead of blowing it. Such a girl will offer to clean your house, clothes, cook etc. She will add value to your life and you will never feel conned giving her salon money or some coins for her expenses. Make no mistake, she will still cost you but the costs will be manageable.
The type of girl to avoid is the one that does none of the above. Kazi yake ni kuitisha take-out, watching Netflix, and asking when you will go to some expensive restaurant, trip etc on your dime. Unfortunately, hawa ndio wamejaa and you will have to develop a very good intuition of identifying them before they can do real damage to your wallet.
Lastly, there is a big downside of postponing dating. At say 25, you can easily date a 23 year old with very little resources needed because she will be naturally attracted to you. There is some natural chemistry and you can relate better because you are in the same age group. That game changes entirely at 35 even if you have money. The chemistry just wont be there and that 23 year old will have very lofty financial expectations from the 35 year old guy. Basically, she will be dating him only for the money hence a very low quality and transactional relationship.
You don’t want to be that 35 year old guy who has to choose between women in his age group (mostly single mothers), and the 23 year old who views him as a two-legged ATM (while cheating on him with a younger guy she relates with better). It’s a bad position to be in where you simply can’t win.
Hii pressure ya kutoka kwa mzazi is a uniquely bonobo obsession…but for what…Mostly ndio mtu apige sherehe ama?has nothing to do with learning to be independent…proper transition to independent adulthood is rarely achieved in this Republic…we still make silly teenage mistakes be it about money, careers, relationships or even investments into our 30s…Indians,chinese, wazungus and rich Africans have no such mentality of moving out of parents houses…they live with their parents and still become very successful adults.
But in our context it’s a bit different, different cultures and contexts…I agree therefore that leaving home has obvious benefits to an average Kenyan 20yr old though if we were to be honest some of us left home at 18 because of the ruthless dictatorships of our fathers:D Those men didn’t care that you had just acquired an ID…to them you were still a kid and will be treated as such as long as you lived under the same roof so most of us had to leave to prove a point and avoidconflicts…I doubt kids growing up now have such parents meaning they end up staying home longer and only leave when its absolutely necessary
Yeah true kwanza mimi mzae alikuwa Mugabe. Venye nilijitoa few years back I bought my freedom. Money buys you freedom and gives you options, that is how I view it.
Uliparty hard campo aje? Hujaparty kijana. Bado. Unless ulikuwa unafanya degree yako ukirudia rudia miaka.
Ukiambia 20 year old afanye hizo vitu atapotea. Wacha afanye bila kuambiwa.
Bibi ameacha kukusumbua?
Boss, acha na hawa watu wanakushow sijui oa or date girls something. Dont let fools like @Azor Ahai trick u into an average life. Do this:
Go MGTOW, hakuna kitu ya maana mwanamke atakupea that u cant get from another woman. Women are easily interchangeable as shoes/cars. And just like new cars, women will always be there, whether you are 25 or 65. Know this, understand this, accept this.
Recognize your 20s are the most important stage of your life as a man. Make sure whatever it is you are doing at this stage is productive, constructive na inakujenga. Dont waste your time drinking, road trips or partying. Leave that fast life shit to bitches, be a boring young man. Learn a skill ASAP, market yourself and when the money comes invest as aggressively as possible to set yourself up for your 30s. Anything u do in your 20s, even the addiction u pick up will have a significant consequence/reward later. Be wise.
If you are 25, just know that time is no longer on your side. Dont get me wrong, you’re still a kid but at the same time, i dare you to blink na utajipata pushing 40s with nothing to show. Time will start flying in your late 20s and thats where the boys are separated from the men.
are you even debating between the two??? can you be serious for once…
a woman will wake up one day and she will love you no more but a 1000kshs note will still be 1000kshs note, so get money.
Tafuta ganji baba. Wanawake watajileta wewe ndio utakuwa unawafukuza
this statement should always ring in every man’s mind
Ata Kama ni kuenjoiwa elders…
[SIZE=7]“I am in dilemma on whether to date or concentrate on getting my paper right”[/SIZE]
You see in human nature, necessity is the mother of invention.
The reason why you’re in dilemma is because you’re still living comfortably in your parents house one year after campus at 25 and hence the only thing which that luxury brings to the mind is having fun like dating etc.
The option of chasing paper comes only because you think its something that should be done at that stage but it’s not coming because you need that paper and have a target to achieve. And that’s where the problem is.
After campus, even though one may still be living in a parents house, you need to be setting the stage, foundations for your own future life which is your own kingdom and that includes ventures that can bring you money among others.
If you plan on dating for marriage, that is a good thing. But it shouldn’t be the main priority. It shouldn’t be put on the same table with chasing the paper.
Things will become clearer with time .Be patient with yourself .
I wouldn’t advise you to go for women until you’ve built yourself financially. You see, at the moment you can only attract low-value chicks. You won’t attract quality women if you got no money.
Chase paper the MGTOW way and you will live a peaceful life.
Follow advice from losers like @Mimi Huwa Namwaga Ndanii at your own risk. There is a reason why you have a dilemma: because both dating and finances are important. If one wasn’t, you wouldn’t be here with a dilemma.
If you focus on women, you risk being a failure in life. Money is paramount to a man.
If you focus on money, you risk joining dating purgatory. Dating purgatory is a stage single men in their mid 30s reach where women in their prime (18-24) regard them as ATMs, and the women in their age group (28-35) have bastards. This presents the middle aged guys with two bad choices of either marrying a gold digger or a single mother.
Luckily, you can have the best of both worlds by dating low maintenance women only. It will cost you to maintain any woman, but there is a wide variance in cost. You can maintain some for a lifetime and others will bankrupt you in months. Only date low maintenance women that you can afford to maintain.
Think about women the same way you would think about vehicles. If you earn 50k, you wouldn’t buy a car because you can’t afford to maintain one. If you earn 100k net, you would buy a vitz and it won’t bankrupt you. At the same time, you wouldn’t buy a Lexus with 100k salary. Use the same logic with women. At each income level, date the women who cant bankrupt you ie low maintenance women. In the process, you will have both money and a wife by 30.
For example, if you earn 100k, and it costs you 10k to maintain a woman, and the woman adds value to your life eg cooking, cleaning, sex, good company, how would you go broke?? In contrast, if you date the typical “woke” money pits and time sinks who will cost you 50k in extra expenses, and add zero value to your life, you will be commiting financial suicide. It therefore boils to your income level and finding a low maintenance woman at that income level. Women don’t cost the same to maintain, just so you know.
The most reasonable comment here
Life is a wholesome experience, why would you restrict yours precious time to doing one aspect (which may turn out insignificant in the long run)?
There is no proven formula to this, just do what stems from deep within you. There is no need to sacrifice who you are in an endless search for money, a commodity which although makes life easier, has become a master to many.
Do it all, and where you feel that you’re stuck, the Universe will clarify according to your portion in the Here-Now.
Women are dream killers- by choosing to commit first before achieving your dreams, you risk sacrificing some of your ambition for example if you married before achieving your dreams. On the extreme side of commitment is that when you marry and now have a kid, seldom will you fail to feed and educate the kid first by chasing paper more in new ways than you would already be doing, as u have to settle for the easiest convenient way to earn a living and sustain the wife and kids.
That said, the best you can do is date here and there without committing to anyone to have a wholesome development of self as you chase paper like you call it. The most meaningful connections are those that you will make when living out to your full potential, because you do not live on extremes of either way of choosing. Everything together, and one at a time.