Masculinity lesson benefits of letting it fade

MASCULINITY LESSONS FROM THE OSEWE CASE

Mboya shot Mr. Osewe multiple times in December 2016 at Garden Estate in Kasarani following an argument over Stella Mutheu, a woman believed to be the Osewe’s wife.

Osewe had confronted Mboya, accusing him of having an affair with his wife. He had threatened to cut off Mboya’s manhood if he didn’t stop the affair. Eventually, one day in Garden Estate, they got into an altercation. Mboya retaliated by pulling out his gun and shooting Osewe.

In his testimony, Osewe claims he believes he was shot over a 300K debt and only discovered about the affair later after he was shot, when Mboya’s lawyer raised it in court. There is also a version that says the shooting was sparked by a land deal gone south where Mboya was a broker for a parcel Osewe was selling. Others even mention a Nigerian slay queen.

The aftermath: Osewe’s business empire crumbled to ash – he lost close to 400 Million Kenya Shillings in assets and investments. He is a paraplegic who cannot function independently and has millions to pay in hospital bills. Mboya was sentenced to 23 years in jail. 20 years for attempting to murder Osewe and 3 years for shooting an askari who happened to be at the scene. Stella is out there Scot free.

The issue here is not whether or not Stella was having an affair. The issue is the poor decisions the men made in reaction to this allegation. Poor decisions come from weak mindsets and this is what we need to address. These guys lacked masculine competence.

Now, there are of course women and men who, once married, will never step out and will remain faithful till death separates you. Today, they are getting scarce with each passing day. Modern men call them “one percenters” or “five percenters” in recognition of their low demographic. Religious types refer to them as the proverbial woman of virtue in the book Proverbs.

However, not all women are built like that and not all men are lucky to get those good women. Men marry them and raise families with them. If you are married to such women and delude yourself that you have a virtuous woman, that is one way to die.

The Osewe case and many others are teachable moments we can use to gain the right mindset to help men navigate situations where they are involved with, or married to a restless, “earthly” women. Luos call them “nyi piny” (in American lingo, “she is for the streets”): she is not loyal and puts her short-term interests first. She is the type that gets bored quickly, seeks a divorce because of “irreconcilable differences” even if kids are involved and will be gone when it starts raining. They basically bring the YOLO mindset into marriage – even though marriage should be a lifelong contract.

How do you deal with her?

COMPLEMENT, NOT FOCUS

First of all, if you are a man and you are in a relationship with such a woman, she should only complement your life. She should not be the focus of your life. This means that you should work to build a life for yourself and maintain that frame even as you bring her to complement that life.

Men who make women the focus of their lives are the ones who are possessive, who keep simping, who engage in mate-guarding, who monitor their movements and so on. If you are doing any of these things, check yourself. Those habits cannot keep a woman attached in the long term. Women actually detest men who cannot give them breathing space.

If you make her the focus, the centerpiece of your life, and she steps out, you will lose your mind and will make poor decisions that will harm both you and others in your life. Everything will be all good until she steps out.

When she leaves or steps out, let it find you prepared. If you are not, it could be the end of everything you have worked so hard to build. I know so many guys who lost their wives when they lost their jobs, or when they failed paternity tests and so on.

SHE IS NOT YOURS, ITS JUST YOUR TURN

Look, men are not perfect. Sometimes we slack off and get lazy – especially after getting married or hitting our thirties. We put on weight, drop ambitions, stop challenging ourselves and get comfortable. Some of us get jobs and abandon our hobbies, we do not go back to school to upskill ourselves and get promotions, we do not make plans to move to a better house and being creatures of habit, we easily fall into a routine. Often times, we spend hours sitting in front of the television clutching a remote, or hanging out with friends in a pub with alcohol on the table as we watch EPL reruns.

Women have evolved to pick the best men from the population. This has provided our species survival advantages. In addition, because of this trait, women also have the unique ability to make men work harder and they can push men and inspire them to achieve great things. Men built this world. But they did it because of women.

Now this trait that makes women inspire men also has a dark side. No rose without thorns, right? As my friend Ronald says, no rain without thunder.

Hypergamy, which is like an in-built sensor in women, will always prod her, “is he the best I can have?” “Is this the best life I can have?” And this is why many women will tell their men, “Kina Fred have bought a Q7 and we are still surviving with a Passo.” On the face of it, she is chasing the Joneses. But the deeper thing is, she is prodding you to step up. She is asking you to keep up with her hypergamic priorities because hypergamy is about better and better and not settling.

If you are not on your purpose and not working to be the best version of yourself, your comfort will be disrupted and this can take the form of an affair, a divorce or just disrespect. If you don’t keep up, someone else will come into the picture and offer her a better deal than you. I have seen this happen to my friends so this is not a theory. This is life as we know it.

When she loses attachment and respect, your turn is up. Accept it, wish her the best and move on. Don’t shoot anyone, don’t kill her, don’t fight, don’t commit suicide or harm yourself. Certainly don’t get into trouble with the law. The girl has a right to seek greener pastures. You may be the best man for her in your books but she has a mind of her own. Accept it.

It is what it is. Accept that she wasn’t yours to begin with, however painful it is. Also understand that not everyone who gets married has the required attitude and mindset to clamp down a marriage. You cannot force it.

Losing her should not equate to losing yourself. You are still here. Intact. Fundamentally sound. Go back to your purpose.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND BE WOKE

Don’t be mad at her. Don’t be mad at women. You are the one who chose poorly. Relationships are reflective. You should use the opportunity to tighten your vetting process. Understand female nature, understand game, frame, leverage, reflect about your purpose on this planet and how you can learn from what has taken place. Junk harmful concepts like oneitis and vain imaginings.

As Rollo Tomasi says, “With a healthy understanding, respect and awareness of what influences his condition, a man can overcome and thrive within the contexts of them. But he must first be aware of, and accepting of, the conditions in which he operates and manoeuvres. You may not be able to control the actions of others, you may not be able to account for women’s hypergamy but you can be prepared for them, you can protect yourself from the consequences of them and you can live a better life no matter your demographic, age, past regrets or present circumstances.”

These are some of the lessons articulate in the book THINGS OUR FATHERS DID NOT TEACH US

What do you think?

I think u should always summarise hatuna time ya kusoma gazeti mzima

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Amerix and others have been preaching this for yeons. And learn to acknowledge source mkuu
.good lessons tho.

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:grin: :grin: :grin: hata mimi nangoja summary. Sijasoma.

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You are expecting too much from @TrumanCapote this is what she thrives on long winded articles that can be easily summarised…kama i elders wameongelelea kwa kijiji Sana… Wanaume waache oneitis

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[quote=“PHARMACY, post:2, topic:448568”]
u should always summarise hatuna time ya kusoma gazeti mzima
[/quote] kweli :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

1 Like