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On Discernment: Why Some Women Are Not Safe to Be Friends With
We need to have an uncomfortable conversation.
Not about sisterhood.
Not about “women supporting women.”
Not about vibes, jealousy, or insecurity.
About discernment.
About who you keep close.
Who you let into your home.
Who you trust around your partner.
Who you tell your business to.
And who you should never, under any circumstances, confuse for a safe person.
Because this is no longer theoretical.
This week alone, I came across two separate stories.
In one, a woman was poisoned by her best friend. Her best friend. The same woman her husband had been sleeping with. He got the friend pregnant. The wife had just gotten married. First child. New life.
Her best friend poisoned her.
In another case, a woman discovered that one of her closest friends had also tried to poison her. Same setup. Same betrayal. Same man.
At that point, if you’re still calling this “drama,” I don’t know what to tell you.
I’ve been talking for a while about male-identified women — what people casually call pick-mes — and then the more extreme version I call mammies.
And let me be very clear now:
This is a safety issue.
Mammies are not harmless.
They are not “misguided.”
They are not just annoying.
They are dangerous.
They will throw any woman under the bus for male validation. Any woman. Any time. And if you happen to be the woman who has the attention they want — the relationship, the pregnancy, the position — they will not hesitate to remove you.
Yes. Remove.
Including killing you.
This has already happened. More than once.
A few years ago, a story went viral about a woman who murdered her pregnant best friend. Why? Because she was sleeping with her friend’s boyfriend. She pretended she was pregnant too. Mirrored the timeline. Never named the father.
She was never pregnant.
When her friend went into labor and she had no baby to produce, she kidnapped her and cut the baby out of her womb.
That’s not insanity out of nowhere.
That’s entitlement meeting obsession.
That’s male-identification taken to its logical conclusion.
And every time something like this happens, men do the same thing.
They center themselves.
I saw comments talking about “the grieving husband” and almost threw my phone.
Because somehow, even when women are being murdered, the man is still the main character.
This Is Not Sisterhood. This Is Survival.
I’ve had people try to pressure me into staying friends with women who had already betrayed me.
“Forgive her.”
“Be the bigger person.”
“Women should support women.”
And I asked one simple question:
For what? So she gets another opportunity to kill me?
That usually shuts the conversation down.
This is not about being kind.
It’s about being alive.
How to Identify Male-Identified Women Before It’s Too Late
Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
First sign: men are never wrong.
Ever.
No matter what a man does — cheat, lie, abandon his children, abuse, destroy — she will find a way to blame a woman for it.
Second sign: they praise your man more than they respect you.
Constant admiration.
“Oh he’s such a good man.”
“I wish I could find someone like him.”
Endless flattery.
Male-identified women sound like men wearing lip gloss.
I lived this. A woman I considered a friend used to bring expensive liquor — VSOP Hennessy — to the man in my life.
At the time, it didn’t even register.
But here’s the question you should always ask:
When has she ever gone out of her way like that for you?
Exactly.
If a woman treats your partner better than she treats you, you are not her friend.
You are her obstacle.
Patterns That Matter
They Excuse Men Automatically
“Men have needs.”
“What did his wife do?”
“She probably drove him to it.”
That’s not nuance. That’s programming.
A male-identified woman will bend reality before she bends a man’s reputation.
They Monitor Your Relationship
They want details.
Your arguments.
His frustrations.
They offer to “talk to him.”
They text him directly.
They show up when he’s around.
They perform.
If she’s more invested in understanding him than supporting you, that’s not friendship.
That’s positioning.
They Talk About Women Like Men Do
“Women are emotional.”
“Women don’t know how to keep men.”
“Women these days…”
They’ve swallowed male ideology whole and now regurgitate it proudly.
And once women are the problem, other women become expendable.
They Frame Men as Victims
Men are always suffering.
Men are oppressed.
Men are misunderstood.
Which means men are never responsible.
And when a man harms you, she will not stand with you.
She will explain you away.
They Compete Instead of Celebrate
Pay attention when you’re happy.
Do they celebrate?
Or do they get quiet? Critical? Uncomfortable?
A woman who sees your joy as a threat is not safe.
They Leak Information
If she shares your vulnerabilities — especially about your relationship — she’s already chosen a side.
If she bonds with your partner over things you told her in confidence, she’s triangulating.
That’s not closeness.
That’s setup.
Not All Pick-Mes Are Mammies — But All Mammies Start as Pick-Mes
There’s a spectrum.
Some women just center men. Annoying, but limited.
Others will betray and compete when it benefits them.
And then there are mammies — the extreme end — who will sabotage, destroy, and kill to secure male attention.
The women who poisoned their friends didn’t wake up that day and snap.
They escalated.
And Let’s Stop Pretending the Men Are Innocent
Every time this happens, people rush to comfort the man.
“The grieving husband.”
“The devastated boyfriend.”
No.
A man sleeping with his wife and her best friend is not a passive victim of female madness. He benefited from deception. He fueled competition. He enjoyed the chaos.
Loss is tragic.
Murder is horrific.
But accountability still applies.
And male-identified women will never apply it.
What You Actually Do
Trust your instincts.
Watch patterns, not excuses.
Set boundaries and enforce them.
Limit access.
Observe how she treats other women.
And do not let anyone guilt you into proximity with someone who feels unsafe.
Distance does not require an announcement.
Sometimes survival looks like a quiet fade.
Final Word
Most male-identified women will never poison anyone.
But the mindset that allows that kind of violence does not begin with murder.
It begins with allegiance.
This isn’t paranoia.
It’s discernment.
Not all women are safe for all women.
And you have the right — the obligation — to protect yourself.
Discernment is not cruelty.
It is wisdom.
And sometimes, it is the reason you’re still alive.
P.S.
There’s something else I need to say, because I keep seeing women walk straight into avoidable situations and then act shocked when the outcome is exactly what we’ve been warning about.
I hear these stories constantly. Women laboring for days and days, dying in childbirth. Women staying in proximity to male-identified women and pretending it’s harmless. And every time these stories are shared, they’re treated like distant tragedies instead of lessons.
So I have to ask—when you read these things, do you think you’re special? Do you think you’re exempt?
Because that’s how people get hurt. That quiet arrogance. That belief that “it could never be me.”
Most of these situations are not acts of God. They are not bad luck. They are the result of ignoring information, ignoring patterns, and refusing to tell yourself the truth because it’s uncomfortable.
Knowledge is useless if you don’t apply it.
Don’t read warnings just to feel informed. Don’t consume stories like entertainment. Don’t assume discernment is optional because you think you’re smarter, nicer, more loved, or more protected than the women who came before you.
None of them thought it would be them either.
If you keep dismissing red flags, minimizing danger, and telling yourself you’re immune, you are not being confident—you are being careless.
Tell yourself the truth.
Apply what you learn.
Because a lot of what we’re watching unfold in real time is avoidable.
