For those not in Mukuru
TREE TROUBLE
Allow me to sketch my bedroom for you for just this once. In fact, it is more of a sleeping quarter than a bedroom.
Come in through the door and to your left is a wall size window with bars and grills that would stop a russian kilo-attack tank. Some flimsy curtains handpicked by Shamsa dress it and that is all i can say about the window. Adjacent to the window and running parallel to the in-built is my sleeping throne. A four corner mosquito net, again handpicked by Shamsa at the local dispensary, hangs permanently on the throne. Please take note of the net for latter.
In between the bed and the in-built, and centrally located to give the room some balance and sanity, is my work at home desk and an old swivel chair. The chair directly faces the WC door. The desk, which is less than three feet from the bed, is heavilly laden with all manner of books, magazine, letter openers, paper weights, paper punches, stapler, the pc, statements and bills, picture frames . . . in short, except for the stove, everything else in the house is on the desk. Right next to the door, and positioned for optimal visibility from the bed and the desk, is a 14 lg that is slightly older than Cess. And that friends, is my bed chambers.
The main reason i took time to lay out my resting cave is to prologue the events of yester night and the aftermath. But for you to see the big picture, i need to explain the following. I live in the island. With the current rains, humidity has gone through the roof closely followed by the heat. Am allergic to dust so i dont do fans. It then means that less than ten seconds after i enter the room, i strip down to adams suit and remain nude throught my stay in the bedroom. To avoid mosquitoes, i jump on the bed under the net to read a book, balance the books or watch a little Tv before i sleep. Am a creature of habit.
So last night i go through the entry in bed chambers drill and perch myself on the bed to watch a little Nat Geo on Texas rattle snakes. I am by nature, hellish afraid and scared of snakes. So am glued to the screen watching the crazy serpents hunting and fanging some rodents and and am deathly sacred. Am also scratching the jewels to keep up the circulation. Something happens to the tree when you scratch around it. It simply wakes up and troops its colours. The tree is a shameless son of a . . .
Unknown to me and to you friends, is that Shamsa had done some cleaning and tidying up earlier in the day. She uncharacteristicaly forgot a leather belt smack on top of the four cornered mosquito net. Lets go back to what we know. I am under the net scratching them big time, the tree is arrogantly rocky while all my mind is on the tv watching a rattle snake ambush a mouse. The rodent beats a corner and comes face to face with the rattling serpent. As fear and awe fills its eyes, the snake strikes. The mouse and i move in unison to evade the fangs. We are both doomed. As the fangs sinks into the rodent’s neck in slow motion, the belt, read snake in my mind, dislodges and starts to slide down the wall side in slow motion. I fear snakes with all my being. My brain kicks into self preservation mode and pumps eight pints of pure adrenalin down my system and i deploy counter measures. Effortlessly, i leap into the air counter to the sliding snake and land on the desk having torn the net from its fastenings in one fluid motion. My aerial progress is hindered by the contents of the desk and most sharp and pointed objects attempt to impale my skin. The tree, which did not get the memo in time to cool off, in total disregard for emergency drill, is harder than stone. As i crash on the Hp printer, the tree recieves a bruising blow that scratches a sizeable amount of skin. Even as i roll over and hit my head on the in-built, my sub-conscious registers that a vital organ has been injured.
A quick search and destroy mission reveals that the snake is a belt. I then shift focus to the bodily harm. Apart from the tree, all else looks intact and workable. The tree is slowly deflating and the breeding has set in. A quick dash in the WC and i splash water on it. The damage needs some medical attention. But am not quite certain whether my insurance covers Tree injury. I need a friendly medic. I call a clinical officer friend and he is waiting at his clinic when i pull up. I dont know how to explain so i just unlap the bloody towel and present the scratched tree.
He goes to work. Ten minutes latter, he rises and gives his verdict. ‘soft tissue bruising. No major damage. Total healing in less than ten days. No scars. Keep it soft.’ some good news. I completely refuse any kind of bandage. I thank him and get back home. Today i spent very little time at the office.
Am much better. Just a small problem friends. After 7yrs of divorce, I recently reconcilled with my wife, and she is arriving home friday evening. For the love of God, please HELP!