Long distance relationships really sucks at times.
These ladies who stay in a different town say Kisumu and you’re in Narobi.
She comes to visit you after six months long without seeing each other.
As a man, because bae is coming, you prepare to bomb the shit between her legs.
Bae arrives, hug ndio hiyo. Ah! Kifua iko sawa kushinda sidekick Wa mtaa.
Then ochwadi kiss. Jeeeez! The tongue is hoooooot yawa. You start to imagine the temperature of the cookie jar.
You give atoti time to relax. Anaenda bathroom. You watch her tie the towel as she catwalks to shower.
The Devils who made your ancestors die poor invade your mind and migrate to your balls.
Agal toto is in the bathroom. She recently received Jesus so she sings “facebuku facebuku, twita imekua aibu kwa dunia ya leo” x4
At this moment you’re ready for a marathon night.
You look at her Waiguru again as she tiptoes out of the bathroom. Eh! They’re shaved. You commend God’s artistic work.
She then goes to the kitchen, prepares dinner/supper (whatever the heck it is).
You feat as you narrate to her how you’ve been on dry spell for six months. Fool! You’re lying.
Then you go to bed but as you shoot your filthy hands to touch “nyambura” (pussy), eh! Pads! The road to Canaan is blocked. Suddenly you see Chebukati and Chiloba!
You’re not sure, you think it’s the latest thong in town so you ask aswito, hiyo ni nini?
“Nilianza kuatend jana” Atoti innocently replies.
You try to be a gentleman. “na itaisha lini?” the fool in you queries.
With a voice that can make you curse all the family members, “inaendanga for four days” jaber quips.
Then you remember today is Thursday and she is traveling back on Saturday.
Though you don’t wanna ask her, you ask yourself “why the hell did she come in that state?”
You’ve no options. You pull back your hand mooooooos mos like a jubilee thief.
And at this time you realize there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, the Kenyan flag drops from full-mast, to half-mast, to quarter-mast then disappears into your belly including your balls.
(Copy paste)
