Am married to a very beautiful girl, but sijui shetani gani ilinisukuma mpaka to a point i cheated on her with 2 of her friends, but i stopped when i realized myself. My case is complicated because we met in qatar in 2016, fell in love, dated for 2 years then she relocated back to kenya, i came back and we got married in the civil registry office. Mimi niliendelea kufanya kazi qatar for a year but later got a better job in sydney where i happened to meet some of her friends who had gotten jobs in Australia before me. I kept coming home and eventually my wife got pregnant in 2018 and got a boy. Now, in sydney, i had started having affairs with 2 ladies who are friends with my wife and one of them got pregnant, never told me, she called off the relationship and relocated back to kenya, she now lives in kisumu with her parents who happen to have alot of money. We lost contact completely until just 2 months ago out of nowhere we met because am currently in kenya on leave. She was carrying a child and i knew something was not right by the way she got surprised. Later she confessed that it was my child and that is the reason she left sydney. The problem is actually bigger than this because in our conversation she mentioned something that got me so worried and i have come to see it could be true but i dont know how to confirm. She told me that her brother who happens to be a friend of mine too and a private military officer in middle east was dating my wife when i was in sydney and it is practically possible that my so called son is his child. … so now, i have a child outside marriage and my so called son at home is likely not mine and the culprits are all friends… how do i move from here, am stuck bro… am stuck
They are very difficult. It is a very lonely life. Imagine being with someone who you don’t see. I have been in one…
Anyway back to the man, he needs to take the child for a DNA…the one with his wife and not rely on hearsay from an interested party.
Does not seem like she is after his financial support. Anyway this will end up in tears.
This marriage thing manze. I dunno how people just make this decision so easily like they are eating yam. I see my friends marrying with such ease and I just wonder how? It is a life changing decision in so many different ways. So many facets to think about. So many ground rules to agree on. So many defences to set up in advance. The maturiy level required, the level of compromise, the myriad of things to think about in advance. Children, finances, how tolerant you will be of weaknesses, transgressions, the other family. Then there’s the whole other issue of living with someone else, accommodating their habits, getting used to having a new natural smell in the house. A disruption of how you like your things arranged. Property, your own security, the other persons security… man one’s head can explode.
But I see my friends, they make this decision so easily. No sweat, like going to the barbershop. I’m I mad or are other people mad?
My closest friend married a German. They have 2 kids. They seem to be doing well from the outside. I wouldn’t know as they live in Germany now. But my old contacts in his town tell me he can sometimes go a whole week without going home. Hardly 3months go by without him escaping back to Kenya and fucking every skirt in Kenya, but most men do that. So I can’t judge based on that.
My other very close friend married upwards. He married his boss (she’s younger or they may be the same age). They have 1 son. He has improved for the better. Stopped drinking. Concentrated big time on business. The house seems peaceful from the outside looking in. But then again you can never really know. Smart guys don’t reveal internal secrets. As far as I can tell he doesn’t do much whoring. But he wasn’t much of a whore to begin with, so no surprise in that. I mean we would bring chics with us and he’d opt to go sleep instead from kitambo tu.
The third friend sijui either. He married dem wa mtaa. We still meet for drinks occasionally. They still have no kids. He has mellowed somewhat, but still fucks around when the opportunity presents itself. I can’t really tell if she has improved him or not. I know he still drinks like a fool. Last time we were together he blacked out. And I know he still fucks around.
Fourth friend married a jungu. But these ones walianzana kitambo sana. Walioana as kids and moved to a bedsitter in Roysambu wakisomea USIU. They are doing well from the outside. He rose up the corporate ladder pretty first. They have 2 sons. He is a C.E.O. so time with him is a premium. We don’t get to meet much. He drinks and flirts. He was the heaviest kadinya in our group growing up as kids. I suspect he still sleeps around but the guy is so discrete. I mean if you pay attention he does drop hints. But he doesn’t do it infront of any of us. But huyu kupatana na yeye siku hizi is almost impossible. Everytime we plan something happens. But he is in a very high pressure industry, plus he has a start upwhere he is a director and he is an aspiring politician.
From the outside looking in these all look like successful marriages, but how can you ever know? I mean which self respecting man is going to tell you the turmoil in his marriage?
DNA ni muhimu as a first step. its possible she was also being screwed by another man, and the baby by a chance is not even yours. then its possible that the son of your wife is not even yours. see how you magically leave the two with no crime committed. lakini working from abroad kukuliwa is possible. i worked abroad and I ate married women long term. we are both back in kenya but ya ulaya tulichia huko. the hubby suspected she was being eaten, but had no evidence, so she returned home a very obedient woman. But still , i knew the guy was stressing her kiasi, even financially akiwa ulaya. i was a saviour kind of for emotional and financial support.
Dude, you are overthinking hii kitu sana. A mistake most people make. You are also looking at other folks’ marriages, another mistake. Just do you and she does her and hope for the best. Do it in your own time and I strongly believe a man should take the lead, he is the leader of the household. Just don’t compete to stress each other and everything should work out if you feel the same way and she feels the same way. You are not relatives…hata relatives disagree.
Very few people will tell you what goes on in their bedrooms and quite rightly so. And remember they will put up a united front. Arguments are a must, you just need to know when to back down…both of you and pick it up later.
Anyway am no expert but don’t make a decision based on others. Just the 2 of you. If it does not work out, jog on and take care of the kids.
Back to the post on long distance relationships and the pitfalls.
Nilijibu tu swali imeulizwa. My thoughts on the guy whose child may not be his ni aende D.N.A. test to know. Once he knows is when he can make an informed decision. He’d have to tell his wife about his own transgressions too, sadly. Juu ikishafika story ya watoto I personally don’t see the wisdom in raising kids chini ya maji. What they do from then on in shida yao. They are adults. Sort the kids issue with wisdom then move back to whatever other shenanigans you want to do. The only dilemma I see here is if the kid turns out to not be his. Then he married someone who is willing to be deceptive on such an issue? On my end I’d draw the line and just end everything.
On the other hand if he is also willing to be deceptive about raising a child nje, then they deserve each other and their fake marriage. I wish them many more years of living a total lie.
So true. I am a chief advocate of the DNA test. Ifanywe na wasonge. Kwanza this infor about the child’s paternity is being relayed by an interested party. Sounds v ominous to me.
These are the people Benjamin Zulu a brother from another mother chases from his inbox kama burukenge.
Well at least she has given him food for thought. At this rate every single man should do a DNA test of every single child in his family. Juu kama hangepatana na huyo ex wake, inakaa he’d never even have suspected anything. At least now he has a suspicion and can get to the bottom of the issue. Gives everyone else food for thought
the only downside is that kids were born, and this complicates matters. needs wise approach. save from that, long-distance relationships end up with very close family members being the ones to eat from your honey pot or to drain your pipe. the person’s hardest to be guessed are possibly the ones involved. I have dicked my sis in law while hubby worked in TZ, but I started even before he had left. but sikuzalisha yeye. He is back, i still dip it in there when stars line up
That’s why you need to be MADly in love bure nobody would get married. Those feelings are the only way to get you to take a plunge, your normal mind returns after you have a child and that now cements you inspite of your misgivings.
For marrying his boss ama? He was doing just okay before he married her. The biggest change I think is getting the bottle away. I’ve had a chat with him about it before. His biggest reason was his realisation that alcohol had held his own dad back on a lot of progress. I don’t mean to downplay the influence his wife had on this decision. If she did, he didn’t mention it. But I do suspect she did have influence on it. Was he social climbing? I really doubt it. If they were to divorce right now, my assumption is he is much more succesful than she is.