There seems to be a notion – diligently spread by simpletons – that alcohol is to blame for the abysmal perfomance of KSL students.
Nothing could be further from the truth. On the contrary, for one to gain the mental acuity required to grasp intricate legal concepts, a jug of beer is necessary. I said one jug, but even two jugs wouldn’t hurt. The brown liquid will repair your brain’s faulty wiring, and you will rise from the table a wiser person.
Naturally, you’ll hear otherwise from moralists. The truth is that a majority of students — perhaps 70 percent — are commonplace people, the kind you meet everywhere. The ordinary of the ordinary. They don’t drink or smoke. They’re pleasant, polite, and kind. They worship nothing but success and rank. Their conversations are boring. Their ideas trivial. Their pursuits idiotic. You’ll want to avoid such fellows, lest they infect you with their unmitigated idiocy.
Law School is an extremely dull and mentally draining place. The key to making your life interesting is not music or sports or anal sex with Samburu villagers. The solution lies on bar-shelves.
A glass of whisky will help alleviate stress. A second glass will keep away the cold. A third glass, and the concrete parking lot will transform into a bed, toilet, or both. Make sure you know your limit.
In a perfect world, the best time to consume alcohol would be at dusk, when the day is over and your work is done. But this isn’t a perfect world. Sometimes, you need your head in the clouds, even though your feet are firmly planted on the tiled floors of Mutula Hall.
As I said, this isn’t a perfect world.