Dear talkers and listeners,
Now listen up as I commence my statement, I am Maqbul Ochollah Sibuor AKA @Swansea Ochollah a jajuok from Kendu Bey Siaya. I am male by birth and my pronouns are Sir Yes Sir. My foreskin weighs a mind boggling, stratospheric 4.48 kg with a girth of 3 feet.
Now dear listener let it be known that I have recovered safisientli from the dire loss we suffered recently. I suffered a massive heart attack when the supreme court of Kenya reffered to baba as a burukenge.
I @Swansea Ochollah son of Omido was bamboozled, flaggerbasted, stupified, flummoxed, infuriated, deflated, circumnavigated and totally overwhelmed beyond words by that okuyu lady who suffers from poor dikson of the Victorian language which si abuses daily without apology, when si reffered to baba as hot air!
What did si mean by Rayila baba being hot air ???
WE SAL REVISIT!
Anyway, dear listener let it be known that I @Swansea Ochollah Maqbul son of Truphena Omido was airlifted by helicopter services to the best healthcare facility South of the Arctic circle called the Mt Sinai hospital in Manhattan in New York which my kassin Obama Barack recommended while I sourjourned at his manson on Martha’s Vineyard… but that is neither here nor there. What we do know is that I was in critical condison and in need of the best medical assistance my money can buy. Suffice it to say that I survived this horrific and discombobulated miasma and lived on to tell my story to those with ears.
Now, moving forward I accept that Rayila Baba is not President of Kenya. It is painful but I must accept and move on. I talked to my kassin Barack Obama and again he reassured me that he is working on… but that is neither here nor there what I want you filthy Kenyans to realise is that I will not set foot in your country Kenya for the next 10 years or longer until that man from Rift Valley leaves office. I burnt my Kenyan passport yesterday to make sua that I will never come home ever again until you apologize profusely and install my dearest baba in state house. What you Kenyans have done to me and the Luo nation is unfathomable, unmitigated, unexpected , unappreciated, uncivilized, uncouth, barbaric, cruel, imbecilic, venomous and unforgivable and we sall REVISIT!!!
SIGNED, YOURS IN WRITING, DR. PROFESSOR PILOT MAQBUL JAJUOK JAKATON MEGATRON JATELLO JAPUOGNI JARAMANDIA ESTEBAN KOSEWE @Swansea OCHOLLAH SIBUOR JOKODUOK MATEK JARIBIO JAPUONJ KUON MABUON JABUON JAKADUONG AKA TINGA LA ASSIMIO,
Son of Adonija Omido Maqbul Otieno, chief’s messenger Kendu Bey,
And Truphena Omido, village nurse Kendu Bey.
C/O Maryland U.S.A
Expressmail.
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