Tuesday Theater - ‘Kwani Jana Kuliendaje?’ (a satirical skit by Smitta and Skeeter)
Scene: 11 pm (closing time Monday at the local).
[INDENT][FONT=Book Antiqua]Samo (on phone) - Hebu wacha Nye a-sort bill, Linus. Tunakuja uko saa huu tuu.
Nye- Alar! Bado tunaenda USIU? Ama hio debate iko wapi?
(singing #SoDirunkiBaebee).
Samo - Iko Catho, joe. Ba’na, si tulipe tuambliu? (using '92 sheng)
Nye - Kwa nini ni mimi ulipa bills kila saa, Samo?
Samo - Kwani umewahi, ata usiku moja, kuona picha ya babangu kwa hizo ma-noti, bro? Lipa bila siasa, kama tender, tuendee!
Nye - Sawa. Lakini hii ‘Hardon’ local yako si rudi tena. Kuna mbu, na hizi mitura zenu zinakaa ka msee anaeza pata cholera . . .
Samo - NKT!!
Nye - Hebu ita Uber ya USIU.
Samo - Sawa mtu wangu wa nguyazzz. (reaches for phone).
Nye - Poa poa! Lakini si uwache ni nyore kwanza, kwani haraka haraka kila saa ni za nini, wewe Samo? You are too much in a hurry, always ( becoming pombelistically pugnacious).
Samo - sawa, my fren’. Lakini harakisha ndio twende tukutane na tutengane na yule Jamaa wa Vitendawili.
Nye (2 minutes later) Ama SGR hupitia USIU?
Samo - Boss, hii mambo ya kazi ka SGR, si uwache tuongee kesho na yule rafiki wetu Chinku, ama namna gani, my fren?
Nye - Sawa Bro. But before we go, can we take a Selfie, ndio tuweke kwa SnapChat? Thaz how to stay cool and relevant, bro.
Samo - Speakin’ of ‘cool,’ ni baridi sana, my fren.’ Hebu vua hio prown chageth nilinunua kutoka huyo bar hawker ni vae!
Nye - Aaaahhh! Ok. Twende Tate House, umekaribishwa chai. #FkuzaBaridiTings.
Samo (worried) - Kweli Elizabeth atafurahi kuamshwa saa sita ya usiku kututengenezea strungi, my fren’?[/FONT][/INDENT]
Scene II - Somewhere near Tate House, close to midnight.
A drunken voice is heard singing (roaring) on the road leading to the digs. ‘Eee Mungu nguvu yetu, illete bar haraka kwetu … haki iwe na gals na ma-manzi bila mbriiichaaa …’
CREDIT: Tony Ontita, Skeeter Kerubo