Ever been minding your own business…halafu mechi inakupata tu?. Mechi ya ghafla.
No warning. No warm-up. Straight into FA quarter finals. Southampton VS Arsenal.
Years back, nikiwa Kadere wa Uber…
Niko airport, chilling, waiting for a request, kumekauka kichizi. Been here for one hour plus.
Ping!
Trip inaingia.
Nikaccept, nikapigia customer call, I am good at customer relations and stuff. That’s my forte…yeah, forte ya múthiti.
She picks.
“Niko taxi waiting area.” I have her know.
Her voice? Happiness galore. Pure.
“Nimeona gari yako hata. Niko nyuma yako.”
“Yaani mimi sijui nikuhug. Nimefurahi sana kukanyaga Kenya tena!”
I lean in for the hug. I make sure it lingers.
Amina alikuwa amerudi kutoka Saudia after two years. She was beaming with joy.
Nikamwambia, “Karibu Kenya dandangu. Tunaenda wapi?”
“Nipeleke Umoja… halafu kama kuna place ya kununua wine unionyeshe, nitashukuru.”
On the way, she’s talking non-stop.
Stories za Saudi. Struggles. Wins.Na kila sentence inaisha na:
“Lakini Kenya…”
Unajua vile mtu anarudi home anaona kila kitu ni beautiful?. Hata jam ya Outer Ring road hapo pipeline inakaa scenic.
“Waweza zima ngoma nipige simu bro”, she requests me.
I obey.
“Sasa Brayo, Hali vipi?. Ni Amish, uko wapi ndio natoka airport”, she says on the phone. “Eti uko Kitutu Chache, si ulijua naingia leo mbona ukasafiri?”,
She sounded disappointed and disconnected the call.
She made another call to a Sam. Silly Sam said ako Kitui. She doesn’t like that Sam is also not around to welcome her.
Akatingisha tu kichwa na kuclick.
We drive in silence mpaka Pipeline. I used the service line at Taj Mall ndio anunue drinks pipeline.
She is now fuming. Her smiley face has been replaced by a sad face.
When she comes back to the car from buying the wine. She makes yet another call. This guy also says hayuko karibu.
“Na vile niko na nyege”, she asks him.
Then it hits me for the first time. Kumbe ni mechi anapanga. I look at her again. Huyu dame sio mubaya hata. She has majegi vile mimi hupenda. Na amejaza kiti yote na bonge la mjiass.
She looks at me. She knows why I was looking at her. I laugh out at her situation. It’s so funny, she also breaks out in laughter.
She asks me, “unacheka nini?. Nimekaa kwa mharabu two years bila deki ya mwanaume”.
“Hey, I am not laughing at you. I am laughing with you. Sasa utado?”, I ask her and laugh at her again .
I am careful not to look too eager but hapa naweza ruka ndani kama supersub Gyokeres akinipea job.
I am in jog pants. My bolingo ya telefone isn’t waiting for signals. Imeanza kufanya warm up. Kinziii, si ingojee ama itoke ijiongelelee basi.
I wanna hide it. But nimevaa jog pants. I quietly tell my shamukwale I will not ask for this mechi directly itulie watu wazima wakiongea.
She sees it bulging and she shifts in her seat uneasily.
“Life Saudia iko aje?”, I ask her to divert attention.
“Iko Sawa. Mimi niko na wadosi wazuri”, she whispers that.
Her eyes are on my thing that is threatening to bulge out and see her. Hiki kivitu nitakiachilia njaa kitakuja nihahibisha Mimi.
Tunaingia Umoja. She makes another call to the lady she is going to see in Umoja.
Habebi simu.
She calls again and it goes unanswered.
Four attempted calls later, the lady’s phone goes off..
“Sasa huyu, saa hii amezima simu na nilimuongelesha nikitoka”, she laments.
“Maybe simu imezimika. Tungojee”, I try to reassure her.
“Hapana. Unajua guest house nzuri Naweza lala?”, she asks me.
Aiiiiiiiii, those are four people she has called now. Quadruple Fulani hivi.
“Najua place ya thao mbili Buru Buru.”
“Nipeleke hapo”, she requests.
“I am sorry about this. Nikikuhug utasikia poa kidogo. Usijam uko Kenya”, I say the one thing I think will cheer her up.
She looks at me and says nothing. I stretch out my left hand and offer it anishikilie. She stretches hers out and we lock hands.
“Heey, utakuwa poa. You will see”, I tell her that.
I do not let go of her hand mpaka Buru. We drive to Buru in silence.
“Heey, wewe ni dere mpoa. Nimekupenda” she says vile tunafika buru.
“Come nikupee hug. At least usikie vizuri and feel a man close to you”, I tell her.
I know I am now taking advantage of her situation.
We hug for over a minute. It’s a wholesome hug. Her jeggys on my chest. Hii ni feeling ingine mwecheche.
Whenever I release her from my embrace, she doesn’t disengage so we end up locked again in a tighter embrace. She feels at home there.
I wasn’t prepared vizuri what to do or say after the hug. And I didn’t expect we would hug like that. Sisi wote tunanyamaziana tu.
I loosen my grip, I look at her straight in the eyes and lie, “shit, your hug has made me horny”.
I am lying. I am covering for my shamukwale who has been horny the whole trip. Kutoka aseme ako na nyege, my mnyamwezi haujanipea amani.
"You are an attractive woman ", I tell her.
Now that I am not lying about.
“Ni hug tena”, she says.
She looks like she wants to beg. I motion her to move in for another hug. I carefully rub her back and squeeze her tight. It’s now the window for me to ask to take the chance of those three guys that she called.
“I know you don’t know me. I also don’t know you. But I heard ukisema you crave a man’s touch. I can do that for you”, I tell her.
“Tukiingia kwa hoteli na wewe, I am going to need more than a touch”, she says.
“I know that”, I tell her.
“Jay, that’s your name, right?. Do you know sijaguzwa miaka karibu tatu?.” She said rubbing my mnyamwezi.
The fear is gone.
In the room, she went straight to shower akaniwacha nikipiga the wine she had bought. I went to shower na kuongelesha mnyamwezi. Southampton hasn’t been in this stage of mechi since 1976. I reminded it. I told my kivitu in Trio Mio’s voice, “cheza kama Weweee.”
She didn’t even wait for me to dry myself. Let me say, Mimi kama Arsenali, I moved from quadruple to one-nipple.
