Kenyans Are Too Rich Or Dumb

Kenyans either have too much disposable income or are just plain dumb. One thing I’ve noticed is that Kenyans spend A LOT more money on alcohol and sherehe than possibly even their rent. How come every table at clubs/bars is always full of expensive liquor bottles and all assortments of drinks that you can think of? Not just one table but almost every table!

This is a very interesting phenomenon and deserves a bit of studying. Recently at Oyster Bay, there was a guy with his girlfriend/wife who had two bottles of mzingas, a bottle of wine and two beers. This was shocking to me. Do such people carry the alcohol home ama you just drink it and then leave the remainder apo kwa meza? Now this was just one couple. Around me were other groups of people / couples with even more bottles of whiskey / tequila etc. Why do you guys do this? Is there some sort of unspoken competition to see who gets to decorate their table with the most grand liquor available? I truly don’t understand and I’ve bar hopped around different clubs in this city for the short time I’ve been around.

You guys make people like me, who only order singular bottles and maybe occasionally two so the waiter doesn’t have to make multiple trips, look like complete idiots. What’s the point of ordering dozens of bottles of expensive liquor instead of ordering little by little until you drink to your fill? Goddamn it, you guys put entire billionaires to shame with your club spending. Unbelievable!

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Since you are used to picking up men by buying beer. You will never realize how many bottles of mzinga will attract women

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Unabanja sana ba nilikuuliza swali simple inbox ukahepa. Ama ulienda kusoma kwanza?

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It’s how middle class Kenyans roll. Go to Alchemist and operate like mzungus who buy 1 beer at a time.

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  1. To attract hoes. Having mizingas on your table works wonders and I have seen it happen too many times. I don’t use that strategy personally but I know it works.

  2. To flex on the broke boys. Apart from socializing, dancing, and enjoying music, clubs are also places where men go to flex and women go to be seen (seek attention).

It is a battle that I am happy to lose because I order one beer at a time. But, I would be lying if I said that I don’t understand why men do it. It seems like a fun thing to do if you are extremely loaded and it will boost your ego. By the way, any man who says otherwise is just a hypocritical pretender acting holier than thou.

Who would hate having bottles of Dom Perignon (1 bottle is a bank teller’s salary), a harem of the hottest bitches in the club hanging on to every word you speak, bouncers and groupies calling you chairman, the club owner checking on you personally, having the sleekest moti in the parking, and the DJ playing every song you request?? It basically says you are the big dog in that yard.

Would I do it now?? No. It is financially irresponsible. Would I do it if I had fuck you money?? 1000%.

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It’s plain stupid to show off in clubs, pubs and bars.
You think are are the smartest chap but you end up being scammed by the broke, hungry and angry waiters.
Why can’t you just drink your drink in peace and save that money for something worthwhile?
Like buying a plot in Mutalia?

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Clearly you missed a point in Maslows Hierachy needs. You are a peasant thats why plots appeal to you! Basically you have been conditioned ukiangukia megajackpot leo kitu ya kwanza utanunua ni shamba na nyumba.

And it is for this exact reason why we remain a 3rd World: Mind conditioning.

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Some of those people are paid “clientele” that patronize those clubs to make them look like they have frequent crowds. Kumbe mwenye club anasafisha pesa kimpango. We unaona Joh Moochiri kila siku kwa club ananunua alcohol worth 15k+ in one sitting unadhani ni pesa kutoka kwa mfuko yake, kumbe jamaa amelipwa kuvuta crowd ya wajinga wenye wanatamani kuonekana ni kama wana pesa.
Pesa inasafishwa haraka upesi ad infinitum.

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Its not that they’re rich (more than half ofthe patrons in the clubs cant raise 20k for an emergency in 1 hr without calling someone to bail them out.)They do it for social validation. The opinion of other revellers, especially impressionable lasses, is very important to them. I personally would not advocate for such irresponsible and juvenile antics, but then again, I’m not the target market for these instagram clubs, or so called lounges. I like keeping a low profile always, so two or three beers at an averags but clean pub is enough. I can buy an average whiskey like JW or JD on the rare occasions I’m with 3-5 people who I respect and can spend a few hrs with. I typically don’t like drinking in larger crowds than that.

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Yeap!!

Kwani are their cops who go around trying to see whether what you’re declaring as income makes sense? Wacha bangi.

Wakenya husumbuliwa na ego. Ukikunywa pombe, kitu moja mtu huskia ni kiburi. Kuna siku niliibiwa simu kwa bar nikiwa mlevi.

Nikatoka bar nikiwa pombe nikaenda bank nikatoa kaa pesa zote nikaenda nikashika simu nikarudi hiyo hiyo bar nikabrag niko na simu mpya na nikashikia watu ata sijui pombe.

Juu nilijua one of the thugs was among them, my ego told me to make them eat a dick by rubbing it in their face

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Alcohol has serious effects on your health. Occasionally it’s fine but these guys drink lots and lots of it without pause. No billionaire is stuffing himself with alcohol in such magnitude if they care about their health and state of mind.

How do you get so drunk at a bar that you lose your phone? If you’re 20 ni sawa but anyone above 25 should know their limits.

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I was 26 feeling like a superhero

Maybe you’ve never heard of Banking Fraud Investigation Unit, a section of the DCI that deals in financial fraud.

Hapa Kenya sahizi hata ukiwithdraw a high amount of money from your mpesa account consistently, and the money is from foreign sources, be very ready for a visit at your precise location by chaps from that wing of the DCI.

Most of those high end bars get away with it possibly because they are owned by wakubwa themselves, the people who steal from the government.

But I guess you don’t know that.

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Wee kaa Tu hapo.
50 years from now your future generation will be visiting a local pastor asking them to pray for them inorder break ancestral curses.

Kumbe ni sababu ya kufloss yako?

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Washa watu wakunywe kire wanataka