Watu wa LA si mnajua zile Mabatini pale Mobil? Eeeeeeh, hizo za akina Wathogori…
So, last Saturday my friend and I - two old geezers from Lower Karen - were tasked by a certain hot 57-year old singo matha, a yeloyelo Mkamba, to talk sense to her son, a 28-year old live-at-home accountant.
Apparently, the nigga has been ferking the daylights out of his matha’s best friend, their neiba and a widow of 60, and the matha came to know about it somehow.
Later Saturday, my best friend, Silverio (why do Luhyas have these weird names?) and I decided, after brainstorming over a kaquarter, that the best way to talk to the young man was to invite him to Mobil, which in any case is on the way to Lower Karen, and talk sense to him over a couple of beers (shetaini anaendelea kushinda lakini namchorea tu).
We invited him yesterday, as Mondays have no crowds and you can talk in peace.
Everything went well (“these are the best years of your life, don’t waste them blah blah blah blah”) until the time of right of reply came.
The kid was super-respectful, to the point of being apologetic. But he was devastating.
What completely destroyed our feigned morality was what he said towards the end.
“Baba Phil, and am saying this with respect to you as my father and mentor, when you go away on ‘business’ with xxxx and I meet you in Naivasha having fun, I don’t come running to Mama Phil to report or make any fuss. And you Baba Anita, do you remember that day I found you with Mama Kegs’ maid at Rio one Saturday? Did I tell anyone or complain? No”
“The reason I am telling you this, as my fathers, is to remind you that I am now a grown man. I know you have known me since I was small, when you Baba Phil used to come and visit mum and make me go to sleep early. But now I am a man. There are things men do which are not necessarily right, but as long as they are not harming anybody, that’s their business…”
Silverio and I tulianza kustare at our glasses as if there was @Guru sex video somewhere in there.
Kwanza hiyo ya visits kwa mama yake ilifanya mpaka Silverio akaniangalia kifunny sana.
Kumbe everything you do in darkness ihas witnesses? Damn!