Ireland Legalizes Drugs and Bans Heterosexual Marriage
Mike Houle, Writer
March 13, 2015
Conservatives across the globe felt a little piece of them die inside when Ireland accidentally legalized a slew of drugs and followed it up with an also accidental ban on heterosexual marriage. How’s that for competence in the government? Due to a recent ruling, the 1977 Misuse of Drugs Act had been determined unconstitutional by the Court of Appeals. Unfortunately, due to the wording of the Act, drugs including but not limited to ecstasy, ketamine, crystal meth, and shrooms are now legal. Bear in mind, the sale, export, and import of these drugs are still illegal, but if you’ve been stocking up on the off chance of all bans being listed on class-A drugs, you have approximately 24 hours to lose your mind. In a noble attempt to stem the tide of fledgling druggies, Health Minister Leo Varadkar has urged those tempted by the complete and total legality of crazy-ass hallucinogens to simply not do them. A+ for effort, Leo. In other related news, yet another lapse in wording has been found in the upcoming Same-Sex Marriage Referendum that could be interpreted to read that only men can marry men, and only women can marry women. Both of these issues stem from a larger issue with the Irish government as a whole, but quite frankly that isn’t as funny to write about, so I’m gonna just steer clear of that for now.