It’s been one week since Interior Cabinet Secretary Kithure Kindiki announced to the world that Kenya was about to upgrade her national identification system from the one that currently plays in the Kenya Premier League to a more sophisticated version that can beat Manchester City like a drum of halleluiah.
The tenor-voiced teacher of Constitutional Law - who has been threatening bandits who kill people with guns but says nothing about bandits who kills people with poisonous sugar - had declared that the new Huduma Namba card was going to be inserted with a machine readable chip and QR code that pastoralists can use to effortlessly scan their environment for signs of drinking water and edible pasture for their livestock.
The audience had started clapping at what was supposed to be the greatest news since the recarpeting of the Mamboleo-Miwani-Chemelil dual carriageway, until journalists put a microphone under his rattling chin, asking him why he was afraid to announce they were relaunching Huduma Namba by another name, since he’s only supposed to fear God and hot porridge.
He could neither confirm nor deny that that they were doing so because they were afraid of being accused of blatant plagiarism, intellectual dishonesty, and stealing in the name of the Lord. But Kenyans who were taught to read between the lines refused to keep quiet about it because they went to school for everyone and speaking the truth was their revolutionary act.
It is a marked shift from a clear-minded rational thinker who led a group of Mt Kenya rebels who kept giving President Uhuru Kenyatta nightmares every time he tried to sleep, those days when William Ruto was on top of his SUV sunroof complaining that the Gov’t was no longer fueling his campaign lies.
In late 2020, a group of Central Kenya hornbills converged at the then Deputy President’s official residence to accuse President Uhuru Kenyatta of planning to use the Huduma Namba to, among other things; rig the 2022 elections.
They did not stop there. The mother of all attacks back then was directed at those in the then Interior and ICT ministries handling the Huduma Namba procurement process, who were accused of forcing Huduma Namba down our throats because they were only interested in watching over their rumen, reticulum, omasum and abomasum.
This is a final boarding call to passengers Kimani Ichungwa and Ndindi Nyoro on Flight KK 000 to Mt Kenya, please board your aircraft through Nyamakima Gate immediately, where you’ll find curious passengers waiting for you to address the CS for Interior with the same energy and bile that you lashed out at Dr Fred Matiangi, on Huduma Namba, back then.
We would have also asked you to spice up the presser by dragging ICT CS Eliud Owalo with the same same vile words you used on Joe Mucheru back then, had we not been reminded that CS Owalo is the grandson of a religious aristocrat, and anyone who touches the helm of his garment will attract the collective wrath of Posh Luos who will be there no matter what.