How to Win a Gov Tender (Like Kemsa)

General
1

By Nyaga’s admission, here’s how to bag yours

  1. Pass by a government agency or parastatal between 10 am and 12.00 pm (Kemsa, kebs, kplc)
  2. Wait for people to mill around the tender office
  3. Ask for your form and fill it duly
  4. Return the form (and give the tender committee BIG tea)
  5. Wait for the money to hit your account
2

During the infamous 1st August1982 coup, a certain man from my village was passing through a garbage dump, in Nairobi, when he noticed a suspicious looking funny bag stuffed with things looking like paper. On close inspection, he found that the funny bag was full of banknotes. He carried the gunia and went straight to OTC bus station and boarded bus to his rural village. The rest is history.

3

Always carry a pen, should be no 1.Wale walienda kutafuta pen walipata tender zishafungwa.