How To TEll

Habari zenyu.

Kwanza saidieni…mtu akisweat makwapa…Shida ni yeye ama ni joto?

Hekaya 1

I have always wanted to further my studies.So today after saving for months…I have decided to walk into one those Town colleges.

Kufika, am referred to this lady…She smiles.( she in sales) so the smile was expected.

Kidogo kidogo she was like “Nilikuwa nimeshangaa mbona unakaa familiar”

Nikalenga…I guess that a safe say of saying “U look cute…”

So we get into business…Filling of forms papa na pale…in between she is smiling smiling.

Pale kwa next of kin…she was like " Andika jina ya msupa…hama hauna"
me :“Wacha niandike bro”,…She smiled

Then the unthinkable happened…I asked for water…Then she was like…“Twende nikuonyeshe”

Guess where she took me…To the KITCHEN

A small room…with a water dispenser ofcos…but mark the word small…Then she locked the door behind us…

Now that was scaring!..courage yote ilienda hivo…I thought of kumdara…kumkiss…kum…but something told me…She in sales…They are supposed to be friendly…

Sema kuwa confussed…does she like me?,Should I ask for her no.?

On our way out…She waved…and smiled…and smiled …tena vipoa sana

Then I guess she read my mind…She was like…“Si u take my no. U call me on monday”

Hekaya 2.

30mnts later am walking pale Moi Avenue…Its friday so kumejaa jaa vibaya.
This lady walks past me…Then accidentally…accidentally she taps my ass

Me:“Mbona hivo madam…unanigusa ass…nimshtuka”

She slows down …smiles…then asks"“Kwani umeskia aje”
Me: “Nyege”

She even smiles even broadly…But accidentally…she branches to a corridor…waving (Those girlish waves) and smiling…

She had a nice ass…Very nice…>Sijui sasa nitampata aje??

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wewe ni @Chief Chef rudi jikoni upike hekaya vipoa ifike village standards, usisahau ku i marinate na uweke pia recipe na mbisha ukimaliza

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Then you woke up

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Angalia kichwa chako! Pengine @jumabekavu ameweka maajabu hapo. Kapembe hivi.

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vile kerende kitasema…

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wasichana wamefanya usweat makwapa?

Na pilipili ya umbali umesahau kumwambia.

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Nangojea kufikwe
[ATTACH=full]87597[/ATTACH]

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Wewe ndugu ya Gio ebu leta jina ya college elders walete hekaya complete, ama namna gani wadau?

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uko sure wallet haikuenda?

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hii hekaya haijafikisha threshold although last week I also encountered such a lady in one of the offices on Harambee avenue. It was unbelievably easy. Hekaya for another day

nonsense

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Nimeskia kilio chenyu…

Swali: mnataka uwongo ama ukweli

The only way to make the hekaya ‘ifikishe threshold’ ni kuongeza uwongo

Vile nilimdara…nikampa mate…blah blah…

sasa nimetoka kukakamua…

Naaaaaaanhhhh…someni vile ilivyo

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Is it the same as ‘marende’? Sorry for my ignorance.

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i doubt Sir…but i don’t know what marende means. kirindi is greek for multitude. kerende is the sheng version…

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Maliza hekaya. “If a woman is nice to you the first time you meet it doesn’t mean that she likes you”, wewe ndo unafaa uwe nicest.
Kusweat makwapa, ju unashave sana and being active.

Andika ukweli ya hekaya 2 ulikua unapitia hapo luthuli jioni hapo …

Marende ni wingi wa Karende!

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i have always had a problem with this phrase, it better not be used at all

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You suffer from Hypererectus Mbaokalis.
This is a disease where any contact with a female results in instant engorgment of the phallus.
The solution is a daily wank early in the morning to avoid embarrassment.
Arimis is your friend.

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