As a man who is widely read on subjects of morality and virtue but also skilled and experienced in vices, I present to you a short thesis on the subject of lust and how to tame it as a man.
Lust is necessary for the propagation of the human species and the transfer of economic value (fare, drinks, za nywele, mahari, gifts, lodge in etc all add value to the economy and support livelihoods).
However, when it’s too much, or is pursued at the wrong time, in the wrong way, or with the wrong person, it can be disastrous for your overall wellbeing. Left unchecked, it will disrupt your finances, health, relationships at work/business/family/socially, and your peace of mind. If you’re struggling to tame the beast, below is a summary of the 6 main phases through which lust works in the life of a man. Knowing these steps is key in breaking free from the bondage.
Step 1: lust grabs your attention through the eyes: it first captures your attention through the eyes when you see someone you admire-- for more information, read the story of King David with Uriah’s wife (2 Samuel 11), or when Jesus warns that looking at a woman lustfully is the road to adultery (Matthew 5:28).
Step 2: lust takes over the imagination through fantasy: it relies on the power of fantasy and past memories of sex to sink it’s roots into one’s heart. This is why people watch porn and talk about the intimate details of their sex life with others.
Step 3: lust arouses the passions: after capturing your attention, lust goes and fires up one’s base desires. These are animal instincts and are very powerful and hard to reverse once they are at play. At this stage, if there is no determined resistance, the lustful thoughts and feelings will likely develop into actions. This is the stage where you make your move, whether it’s texting the hot girl you met recently, or going to a brothel.
Step 4: lust takes over the mind through obsession. Obsessiveness means thinking of only one thing at the expense of other important things. At this stage it’s likely that it’s no longer thoughts and feelings at play, but the power of habit. The person’s routine, life interests and finances are usually rearranged to ensure the person gets their fix of sex no matter the circumstances. Some will even get into debt to get sex (talk of getting screwed to get laid)
Step 5: lust takes over the will power through compulsion. Compulsiveness implies a loss of self control. At this stage, the transition from man to beast is almost complete. The lustful behavior is almost automatic and the victim just can’t stop without appropriate help and support - for more information read Sirach 23:17
Step 6: lust corrupts the intellect and the conscience. Unable to live with the guilt of living like a beast, but also unable to stop the habit, the victim changes their views on timeless moral values such as self control to justify their wayward lifestyle. At this stage, the problem is a vicious cycle and requires a huge effort to overcome. Usually, pain and loss can help someone snap out of it, but in most cases victims end up with the 4 Ds. - disease, debt, depression and dependence (drugs and alcohol). Loneliness is almost always guaranteed as the person has not spent time building and nurturing healthy relationships but has instead focus on self satisfaction only
In summary, guard your eyes, for they are the window to your soul. Guard your mind and stop fantasizing about nonsense. Keep your passions in check. Maintain discipline to keep yourself from obsessive and compulsive practices.
“For the fascination of evil throws good things into the shade, and the whirlwind of desire corrupts a simple heart” (wisdom 4:12)…“Avert your eyes from a shapely woman;
do not gaze upon beauty that is not yours; Through woman’s beauty many have been ruined, for love of it burns like fire.” (Sirach 9:8)…Human desires are like the world of the dead—there is always room for more.(Proverbs 27:20)