Some time back coffee was always ripe and eating persons was easy for me until mid 2014 when women raised the bar to high. They demanded that for a nigga to have his lions serviced an enter cookie jar, he has to have a flat belly, a six pack and beards, things that are are out of reach for me. I come with a clean face and a beer belly, and this signalled rough times a head. Getting laid in this city was soon becoming a challange for me. I had to think outside the box, widen my horizons and identify new jungles for hunting persons.
It was during a funeral in Kangema later that year that the Lord opened my eyes and I discovered new untapped grounds. Just after we landed in Kangema, I saw a proper yello yello, a fine mama whom by looks I could tell she is about 35-40. She had corn-rows, wore a knee length dress that exposed her thighs when blown by the wind. I looked in the direction of Mt. Kenya and told God and my ancestors to one day give me a persons who looked exactly like that.
To cut story, later that day the ancestors and God manifested themselves. As I and my friends were looking around to borrow lift back to Nairobi, I heard someone tap my back. It was that yello yello I had seen earlier. " Hi, unaweza nisaidia kureverse hii gari tafadhali?" She requested. At this moment I felt my bladder go full immediately. I was confused. I felt like peeing, sweating…I didn’t know how to handle the excitement.
I helped her reverse the Harrier and actually drove her back to Nairobi. Along the way we chat a lot and by the time we go to Ruiru I had seen signs of God returning my prayers. A week later my lion was dangling in her cookie at full throttle. I mauled, excavated, hammered and bombarded that cookie in a legendary manner. That is how I earned my first tender as a “MECHANIC”…She is married, has kids (2) but I service her twice a month.
Its here that me and my crew of buddies decided to venture into Kamukunji and Gikomba where such mamas are easy to catch. You will see them drive heavy vehicles but one common thing about them all, none knows how to park and reverse. You will find us around those areas on Sato mornings lending a helping hand. Actually my ex girlfriend thought I operated a Mtumba shop coz every Sato morning I used to leave the house very early to go to Gikosh. We help the ladies park the cars and exchange contacts so that we can hookup later and offer lessons on parking and reversing. Its during those classes that we discuss logistics on how we can unpack their cookies too. (**And btw am not talking about old sugar mummies, these are beautiful women in their late 30sor early 49s who weigh between 63-68 KGS.)
Mostly they are single mothers or married to the sponsors the young girls fuck. These women are sexually starved and their cookies tend to naturally shrink and tighten. They acquire secondary virginity. Yaaani my friend cookie anapewa ni tamu ajab…Mamaa anatoa sound tracks legit, wacha hizi fake ma’sponsor hupewa. They are experienced and know what they want. They guide you, coach you and train you to deliver the desired results… Pale unatoka na experience my friend. They understand that beards are not a measure of masculinity, after all even goats have a beard.
Good thing about operating with those business women is there’s little bullshit involved. They dont snoop your phones, they ain’t jealous… No dramas and screenshots bro… No pregnancy scares… No leaking nudes… No fears of going to Telegram and seeing video of your Bae being climbed dry fry… They actually refer their friends to you if you do a good job… They dont ask for beards and have no business with our pot bellies. That’s why you will never see Kanjura chasing yello yello of Facebook…(mùtà wakwa ndùkùhakwo mai ni tùrùga feji na jangiri) …these yello yellos with insatiable libido like they are high on ecstasy. Getting climbed dry fry all over by Mafisi of Telegram. I have tenders at Kamukunji (currently servicing 3 mamas)… I only have to eat njugu karanga, mukhobero, traditional greens, 2 bottles of Guinness daily and light exercises to keep my waist flexible… If you also want to be a mechanic, see me aside… After You eat one good mamaa, you will be seeing this persons of Facebook and instagram and throw saliva very far…
by councillor
