Guka the Prophet; Revelations 2.0

1:1: And there was man called Isaac, a prince from the tribes of Bomet, who laid claim to the Kingdom of Cush. A vain and ungrateful man, thinking he would be annointed king if the son of Samoei was jailed in Babylon.

1:2: But the Lord of the Mountain cannot let His children perish. His promise to the sons of Jomo and Kimathi remained.

1:3: And it came to pass, that in the early months of the hot year, the Lord heard the cries of the son of Samoei, and set him free from the clutches of the White barbarians of Babylon.

1:4: The Lord then turned His enduring wrath to the upstarts from the clans of Moi and Keter, who dared celebrate the tribulations of the fruit of Samoei in Babylon. The same that daily engaged themselves in yelling at the marketplace, showing their naked manhoods to the priests.

1:5: Unknowest to them their yelling had reached the Mountain of the Lord. And the Lord was angry.

1:6: And the Lord cursed them up to the 10th generation. Like the loud prince of Bomet, none would see political power again even in Hades. For the Lord is good and does not like spite and envy.

1:7: In righteous anger the Lord then turned to the Nilotic king of the East known to all as Babuon.

1:8: A man so evil, so malevolent, so malignant that none like him had lived since the days of Cain.

1:9: And the Lord struck him with the infirmity of mind and tongue, cursing him to walk the earth like a hyena without a den. Everything he touched turned to dust, and every chair he sat or stood on collapsed.

1:10: For the rest of his life Babuon would roam, gnashing teeth, afflicted by unsightly sores, and always accompanied by thousands of flies.

1:11: After He had smitten them all, the Lord turned to the prophets of His people and made them offer sacrifices to bless the land of Cush. Some of fruit and some of blood.

1:12: And after the sacrifices were made the land was blessed, and the rains came, and there was a huge harvest.

1:13: For the Lord is good, and His love endureth.



endelea kuandika, 2000 yrs from now utaitwa prophet na hii kakitabu itakuwa holy

Hehehe. If i commend this, its blasphemous, if i dont, i am without faith. What to doooooo…This is the word of lord. [SIZE=1](There is no the, and lord is small)[/SIZE]



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And so says the book of Kauch P…


You my friend must have a lot of free time to cum up with this kind of content!


The part “FerkMeria” will be said to be a mistake in translation and will be replaced with “Praise the Lord”


Come on! This takes barely ten minutes! I have an IQ of 147 for God’s sake…


But do you say…#luothings

najua unaweza andika ma short story poa poa but hawezi share hapa coz hautaki tujue ur real identity…

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@FieldMarshal Couch P, I hope you’re not mistaking your weight in Kg for IQ. As a couch potato, that figure touches on the lower weight limit.


Hii mtu ni ngugi wa thiongo

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i have changed fuuuck guka.
fwrk meris haitombou

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Hehehehe. Huku mashinani watu wanashindwa Huyu mutu amekuwa wazimu nacheka pekee yangu.

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Must admit this is epic.
#FerkGuka for president 2027


By that tym wengi wetu plus yeye tutakuwa long gone!

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Uwes alikuwa amesema hataona easter na ameponea. Wacha tuone kama atakuwa by labour day


this semi-senile man is creative.
i give him an E for effort

VICTORY for ruto alone continue celebrating ata usiende kazi go from ridges to ridges preaching the good news na jioni supper ni kwa ruto