Guests Of Shame

A friend requested me to accompany him to his mother-in-law to pay something called “Ayie”. So the two of us set off, picked two other guys in the village and headed straight to Kendu Bay.
We got there by five thirty jioni, booked into Big5(a very good restaurant), to refresh and eat something before getting to the MIL by seven.

We took light food, sisi watu wa town we don’t each much. The two guys we picked from the village demanded full blown supper, which they got even though we tried telling them there was plenty of food where we were going.
" We know!" They chorused. Ok.

We arrived after seven, of course the wife had come to collect us coz we didn’t know the excact home.
Maombi, then the whole family streaming in to greet us and see their In-laws.
Immediately after that, meza zikaanza kupangwa, food tayari. Chai, bread, nduma, viazi, njugu, chapos, maharagwe, mandazi, mchele, mihogo. By just seeing them, I was already full.
I settled for what I don’t normally eat in town, nduma viazi and my friend too. One cup of tea then I was ok.

Wacha hawa majamaa wengine wavamie hii food. Chapo zilikunjwa, I never thought somebody could eat five home made chapos with beans, full plate of buttered bread na mandazi kadhaa.
Mpaka najaribu kukanyaga miguu ya wadhii chini ya meza waache ujinga, nobody seemed to care and imagine tulipewa two beauties watuserve. If they could have not been there, I could have slapped the lights out of those bastards.

One was complaining that tumepewa vikombe ndogo za chai, inafanya mtu aongeze chai mara mingi na kumbe hakuna hata kitu amekunywa. In short alikuwa anataka mug.
Madame waliongeza chai mpaka wakaanza tu ku giggle.
So jamaa mmoja akachukua initiative ajiongeze chai mwenyewe.
He lifted the kettle with force thinking it was heavy, kumbe it was empty and the dude ended up losing balance and crashing a few plates. I just felt sick!
So chai iliisha, majamaa wakabaki na njugu kwa mikono(both hands) wakirusha moja moja, sweating like fools. They were in suits and behaving like this, ndio mana suvai suits, I can’t share that look with uncouth individuals like those guys.

Two hours later, the table was set again, this time it was supper. Fish, chicken, meat, chapo tena, wali na ile sima ya sifted flour na greens kila aina. Home watu hawajazoea sifted flour so you can imagine the damage.
In my mind I thought since walishakula vile, watakuwa wameshiba. I was in for a rude shock.
These two hours between meals, guys had got out for fresh air, I don’t know whether they induced vomit ama walienda tu wakapunguza weight vizuri(kunia) expecting another meal. I can’t tell.

I was too embarrassed to eat. The two of us just sat watching with few helpings. The table was set in a way that we faced each other, two on both sides. After the girls had served us, they retreated to their corner to let us eat.

I was very surprised to hear one guy whispering to the other amsaidie na pilipili yet there was no pepper on the table. Kumbe, one of them had it inside his coat pocket. Akachomoa kadhaa wakagawana na wakaanza kukula. They always walked with peppers whenever they travelled.
I don’t know whether am exaggerating or I had never met such people.
Guys were cracking chicken bones like no one’s business and soup flowing between their fingers into their arms. They would lick the backs of their hands and pull the coats’ sleeves to lick further down. Hapana tambua serviette!
One even dipped his tie into a bowl of soup.

When this torture was over, guys turned the plates so that the side they were working on, faced us, ndio ionekane ni sisi ndio tumekula. After this, soda zikaletwa na madem sasa, to keep their shemejis busy tusiboeke with some music.
The following day ndio tulikuwa sasa tuonane na MiL.

Our morale was so low coz nobody would understand that these idiots were hired to help us in negotiations. They had no dignity to uphold or a reputation to safeguard, furthermore there was no blood relationship.

As we sat there thinking of measures of curbing any further damage, fools were already cuddling girls for coitus, zero chills.
Am never attending any ceremony with strangers any time soon.

swafi @shingo upande,at least hawakubehave kama ule jamaa wa turedio

Swafi. Majamaa embarrassing. Cringe. Shudder.

That is just how the village works boss. Whenever I go visiting in such places, I make sure I carry as few villagers as possible, two maximum.

:D:D:D Pole guys. Take good care of Nyako Jaloka lakini.

Huku sides za western hiyo ni normal. Kuna wale hudishi kwa hiyo sherehe hadi wanapupu kando ya hao bila aibu. Alafu haikufaa mletewe soda baada ya meal, kibuyu ya chang’aa ten liters ndio hutumiwa kuteremsha food.

You guys don’t know fun. Kwani walipikia nani hio chakula yote? Ceremonies and related things are a place to eat. kAma iko wacha watu wakule .




True but why cook all that food for just a few people?

Its the African way.

hekaya safi kama ya mwalimu Andrew
can you please explain the highlighted part a bit…asking for my friend @M2Random

Mwambie, kila jamii na starehe zao

African way of appreciating vistors


Hiyo ndio kupeleka posa

The giggling now cuddling girls were coituwad:D:D:D…

llusungu imekataa.

Hiyo ndio kupeleka posa

hio posa haiko kwetu

Just as @MANKY has stated hapo ^^^^ the food was prepared to be eaten na nyinyi mlikuwa mnabembeleza. If I was in entourage I would have spoilt the name and built the 1 pack

:D:D:D:D:D:D:Dhapo kwa soup sijui dripping thru the fingers, hapo kwa breaking bones like a nonsense, hapo kwa ku-hate suits na tie kwa soup…ahhhh my ribs are gone.

Nawangojea hawa watu kwa my rurashio wakina Kasaman and Meria. Kwanza these 2 have already said that a lot of akoho is needed so ile aibu itanikuta mimi only God knows!
Bril’ hekaya as usual. Your attention to detail is ace.